Wild Woman

In my journey to rediscover my "wild woman," I've had to initiate some serious soul searching, and self reflection. My first step was to come to terms with the fact that I have lost my "wild woman" and am not where I want to be. 

There was a time in my life, where I felt that I was getting to know that "wild woman," and that I was headed in the direction I wanted to go in life. It was at the height of this blog, and I was completely dedicated to my studies and my craft. 

Life happened, and got in the way. It's not an excuse, but an explanation. I found myself working job that required so much of me physically and mentally, that I was just too tired to sit and study and write blog posts and practice my craft. I let work become more important than my spirituality, and I couldn't find a happy middle ground for the two to coincide. So I let go of my spirituality. I packed away my altar and my books, I stopped going to my blog, I stopped reading articles and participating in online groups. I stopped wearing my pentagram. I focused on work. 

At the time, it just seemed like what had to be done, so I didn't worry much about it. Looking back, I hate it. I hate losing that part of me. I feel that I have lost my sense of direction in life. I stopped making goals, I stopped thinking about the future. I started living day by day, and being overly fluid to whatever happened. I allowed myself to be off track, and it caused a heap of depression I was ignoring. 

I was unhappy with my life, but I wasn't ready to face the fact that allowing myself to lose my spirituality, was the cause. No longer was I the witty girl with a pen always in hand. No longer was "Pagan" a huge defining factor of my being, but rather it became more of an afterthought. I was no longer flamboyantly pagan, and although I wasn't in the broom closet, it just seemed that my paganism was easier to just place on a shelf to collect dust. 

Most people wouldn't know by looking at me that I am pagan. And although that's not necessarily a bad thing, it is definitely in contrast to where I wanted to be. I wanted to be that "wild woman" I was discovering. That "wild woman" I've lost.

Wild Woman:
wīldˈwo͝omən/
noun: a woman who lives authentically, acting with a sense of creativity, passion, and courage, with the aim of expressing herself and ideas freely in order to live her truth

So what does that mean? Wild Woman? Well, its easier to explain it in my head than out loud, unfortunately. And I can't really describe what it looks like. I guess you could say A wild woman is a woman who is wild and free, makes her own choices, and doesn't want to be ruled by anyone. A wild woman does not allow anyone to hold her within. Knowing that she has the passion and courage to express herself freely, she loves being in a free spirit and is always in a state of transition. Is it the pagan version of a "boss bitch?" Eh maybe.

"I am not eccentric. It's just that I am more alive than most people."

- Edith Sitwell

How do I find her? How do I invoke my own "wild woman?" How to I bring her back? This blog is a step in that journey. It is the first missing piece of the puzzle.