tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34208797606353020432024-03-27T15:27:36.381-04:00Nature Bound PaganThe Journey of Spiritual RealizationTreyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-43807693569549506382024-03-27T15:26:00.004-04:002024-03-27T15:26:58.583-04:00On A Break<p>Once again, it has been a year between postings. It started as just life being incredibly busy, and then turned into a more purposeful and deliberate act of staying away. I moved towards more "old school" methods and actually purchased a journal to use as a Book of Shadows and replacement tool for this blog. Over the years, I've acquired many different journals but none resonated with me that I needed them to, so yes, I searched for a new journal to buy and start. </p><p>My last journal has entries dating back to 2014, and was a gift from someone who is no longer a part of my life, nor holds any value in my life. Those bridges I left burned, and in my current journey, I feel awkward using that journal. Like the toxicity of that particular person, and that version of me from back then, had become an aura around the journal. As I now seek to move beyond my past, have grown and evolved multiple times since then, and wish to no longer add value to people and events that no longer serve me, I felt that while I won't trash the journal, I would not add to it. There are pretty dark and heavy times in that journal and its entries, and I allow it to live on my shelf for the sole purpose of timeline. Nothing more. Time to close that one, bind its bad ju-ju, and move on.</p><p>Enter my current journal and BOS. I spent much more time researching into what I wanted than most probably would have. I wanted something that vibed right, that was worth the resources and efforts into getting it, and something with no ties to to anyone other than me, in my present state. Nothing tied to old and former jobs or people who have exited my life. And there she was, on the wonderful platform of Amazon (insert eye roll). She came with two ribbon bookmarks, a pocket in the rear for loose papers, elastic pen holder and elastic closure strap, faux leather with a sky themed binding and cover, and she was thiiiiick. <b>I like 'em thick</b>. So a transaction was made, and I made my first entry back in October 2023. </p><p><i>If you're wondering if I've been better about making entries in my journal more than I have been about making entries here, just know that some bad habits are hard to break. While my entries there are a bit more frequent, they still have long breaks between them.</i> </p><p>Originally, I got this journal with the intention of writing entries more frequently, and eventually digitizing it to entries on here, once the habit of frequent entries was formed. With a bit more time between my life and entries on here, I'm contemplating if digitizing my journal entries is a good idea or not. I think for now, I may only share bits and pieces of my entries, and not their entirety. There is something very personal about a witch's journal and BOS. I don't mind sharing my journey, and I've been very much an "open book" all my life, and I feel I will continue to do so. But I feel that perhaps I do so in a way that is also healthy and secure for myself. So for now, what you're going to get here is only bits and pieces of what is there, and information with a bit less feeling than what is in those entries. After all, this is the internet.</p><p>In fact, one of my entries was even about the idea of coming back to this blog. It started with a lot of targeted adds on social media platforms for a priestess named Sarah Jenks. Her beautiful advertisement videos are very enticing for me in my current place on my journey, but I've also been very skeptical of it being a scam. Because you know, this is the internet. I am intrigued though, and it sparked the desire to do some serious research on the Sacred Feminine. For some reason that I haven't quite grasped yet, I feel that the path of the Sacred Feminine will help me reclaim and find that "wild woman" version of myself that I've been so desperate to find. </p><p>Which in turn, sparked the thought of "hey you have this blog thing still and that was the whole purpose of why you started it." But I'm still working on making my craft more of a regular habit, including journal entries. I wondered if this blog could be a step in strengthening the habit, allowing me to document my journey with the Sacred Feminine...but then why have my journal? With some self reflection, I realized that this blog has always been a way for me to gain peer approval and appreciation. Which in itself is laughable. At the beginning of this blog, the peer recognition I got was never approval or appreciation. It was ridicule; constantly being told how wrong I am in my practice. Even now I get a lot of ridicule over on Pinterest, where my infographics have been shared. Over time, any bit of recognition dwindled, and at one point I think the only two viewers I even had were the two individuals I was in a relationship with. Now that both relationships have ended, I'd be surprised if they ever came back here. So now, I doubt anyone sees this at all. </p><p><b>Sidenote: </b>it is interesting, because when I created "<a href="https://47thepatientjournal.blogspot.com/">47: The Patient Journal</a>" the whole point was to NOT have viewers, and that the whole project would evolve silently and undetected until one day in the far distant future, someone somehow stumbled upon it. I really struggled with the decision of linking it to this blog, because I knew the possibility of it then getting traffic would drastically increase. I still ended up linking it, though I think the fear of it being found has dwindled as my views here have. </p><p>I want to strengthen my bond with my craft and my love for myself before I make a true commitment to come back here. I'll probably brainstorm posts and stuff still, and maybe write a post every now and then. And yeah, as I find information that I feel may help others, it will end up here too. So I'm not gone. Just giving some distance and taking a purposeful break for once.</p>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-82295273556341561442023-03-22T15:01:00.003-04:002023-04-28T11:20:27.262-04:00Back to the Mission<p>Almost ten years ago, this blog was created as an outlet for me to express my own spiritual beliefs, morals, and in general the happenings that were occurring in my mind and soul. It was meant as almost a diary or book of shadows as I journeyed through life. I intended to document my own personal and spiritual growth, and at times I did. Slowly it melded into more of a research tool or reference source for others who were going through their own journey. I started structuring things with that in mind; creating more resource material and aids. I've always enjoyed the role of being the educator as much as being the educated. As I self-reflect and look back on the earlier content I had created, I can recognize my own growth. Yes, I took many long breaks as I stumble on my journey through life, and each time I find myself back here -- my self-made safe haven -- to document and create and breathe life into this once again. Each time, I return with new ideas, and the renewed drive to pour myself into my own growth. </p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">The growing pains never stop.</span></p><p>My last few posts have been, in my opinion, either impersonal or too personal. It seemed to be either a bullet point list of information, or an overly emotional rant. I feel I've started to lose sight of the intension of this blog. It is time to get back to the original mission. Back to the basics. </p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Time to grow. Time to glow.</span></p><p>Something I've never really dived into on here is the importance of self-growth <i>outside of </i>spirituality. This blog is dripping with spiritual growth in more aspects than one. But there's more to self-growth than that, and it is crucial to know that spiritual growth is not possible without basic self-growth outside of it. Growing as a person will initiate spiritual growth; spiritual growth becomes stagnant without outside self-growth. </p><p>I'd like to really hone in on this side of self-growth. Get back to the basics before adding in the level of spirituality. While this blog will continue to maintain its original mission and dedication to my spiritual journey, I recognize that my spirituality cannot continue to flourish without me first putting in the dedication and work in basic self-growth. This may seem like a big step backwards in the journey, but sometimes the journey isn't always straight. Sometimes the path turns back in on itself. </p><p>There's a wonderful visual art piece by Yoann Bourgeois about the path of life, that went viral not long ago. It really illustrates how life's journey isn't always a straight line. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_DA3dgRSrw" target="_blank">View it here.</a></p><span></span><p>So, since my last huge break from here, I returned just in time to set goals for the coming year. With that in mind, I want to step back to the subject of goals, and start from there. </p><p><br /></p><p>When setting a goal, there's some things to ask yourself:</p><p><b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Is it important to me? </span></b>No matter how great the reward, if it isn't important to you, the goal will fail. Consider what level a goal is to understand if it is important. In general, the hierarchy of importance tends to be physiological (food, clothing, etc), safety, love and belonging (friendships), esteem, then self-actualization. If your goal falls in level further along in the hierarchy, but your first level needs are met, the goal will feel unimportant.</p><p><b><span style="color: #93c47d;">What are the steps in setting a goal? </span></b>Many people refuse to acknowledge the process of setting goals, which is why so many fail at achieving their goals. Steps to setting goals is a process, and includes: writing down your goals, choosing the most important goals, creating a plan to achieve the goals, setting a deadline to achieve the goals, taking action, evaluating progress, and reviewing goals that are set. </p><p><b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Are there methods to use when setting goals? </span></b>There are different methods that resonate with different personality types. Some of these methods are: Big Small Quick (BSQ) method, Goal Outcome Obstacle Plan (GOOP) method, Specific Measurable Actionable Reasonable Time-bound (SMART) method, Specific Measurable Actionable Reasonable Time-bound Evaluate Readjust (SMARTER) method, Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAG), Heartfelt Animated Required Difficult (HARD) method, and many more. Personally, I like the SMART or SMARTER methods the best <i>(see below)</i>, but you'll have to figure out what method works best for your personality type. </p><p><span style="color: #93c47d;"><b>What tools will I be using to set my goals?</b> </span>There's tons of resources out there for setting goals. There's apps, classes, reminders, post-its, vision boards, etc. Most of these may hinder you more than help you, but you can give them a try and see what works. It's going to be a lot of trial an error. Remember that the best tool you have at your disposal is your brain.</p><p><span style="color: #93c47d;"><b>What can cause me to fail?</b> </span>It's mostly mental. Achievement requires a level of dedication that can be very difficult, which can deter us away from trying and making progress. You need a million reasons to keep trying and persevere, but you only need one reason to stop. Making progression a habit isn't an easy thing to do and it requires constant work. "Get up, put on some gangster rap, and make shit happen."</p><p><br /></p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4QeGzWaMVBuH4TWVT-wrigjyiSCK-GTXH5xSaQnmHPFvdg6fVzxwZkE_mDwaVyvJ7uaP14jfhpGpY5Y_OabSYzK84-_9qQGkA1RoqRHsa4AmBmM0ORp_5KuZMzYK06Akb3YsXA1lCkzU0EL1RiWMX2s6nDIaAqaDbaV51pH9eytPDQCoVuXwcUBQs/s1080/Smart%20(1).png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4QeGzWaMVBuH4TWVT-wrigjyiSCK-GTXH5xSaQnmHPFvdg6fVzxwZkE_mDwaVyvJ7uaP14jfhpGpY5Y_OabSYzK84-_9qQGkA1RoqRHsa4AmBmM0ORp_5KuZMzYK06Akb3YsXA1lCkzU0EL1RiWMX2s6nDIaAqaDbaV51pH9eytPDQCoVuXwcUBQs/w200-h200/Smart%20(1).png" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU6kz9xuSgWgo8veZfvTxrv4IozSbHGF89SsAiVSF00GfTRpr7LBPfXNjx_5Ww6ujftPfnY_Kh_kWLpJlt1wnEoRrLTfJKHWbh5mXyckF7FaB8Bapv-1SVOjCSIwz3YufpOjoop5pxGe4Uhj62kkg5gizzoL3E-XegHrkUAiND8HuMRqW2HKW68T5w/s1080/Smart1.png" style="margin-left: 1em; 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margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj31tY1d0m-pxWfVcLg2W_yl1Ol8XktFD5pDb6J9h1ugQ-h-d3mhZxehC5qCZNDQcAUi-LUZwC_rSwieZ-VfNYfUw6NVz8i0wKJ7fVEXgm9L1zSQfhm87L3jmFO-VzsX76S64pAs47stidBzSaOfOTAlARRWIdz8fuz4lp2GK5RhmN-PYL-c6d7sUh0/w200-h200/Smart3.png" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjrs63EQl3-RzWpa4MzIT_qNYtbboBh75v_NfuDEcHx27CZVoNVqCn0hqsoPENDxtJeRAEl_VYONMO3zZoMRCriIqvOep11zP8bOQy6t_ubk7uHLEbrIyyX_-lN7GuwiZnvyx8VZgnyr7LnlNi8EqwIaKsQvDDhyg0kpxAjo_6AYzWKqmCkOWcMbI/s1080/Smart4.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjrs63EQl3-RzWpa4MzIT_qNYtbboBh75v_NfuDEcHx27CZVoNVqCn0hqsoPENDxtJeRAEl_VYONMO3zZoMRCriIqvOep11zP8bOQy6t_ubk7uHLEbrIyyX_-lN7GuwiZnvyx8VZgnyr7LnlNi8EqwIaKsQvDDhyg0kpxAjo_6AYzWKqmCkOWcMbI/w200-h200/Smart4.png" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5LfxpwodGctUdPJM9LqdQRGIzvumePpGZpCv5U2Nd6akuXzsuJ5eCwEyJo56oaLr9Lqe3chJ17jT0uqSjALxpMZKJ6u7qIcGhfs1ebyQ0Ek9-AK9bLPNBNnZ_6JsRylQPbjizZ9nt57EIIXATrvb48thqar6S1In-8JAqsA8TKlRBt49SkXaTYblP/s1080/Smart5.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5LfxpwodGctUdPJM9LqdQRGIzvumePpGZpCv5U2Nd6akuXzsuJ5eCwEyJo56oaLr9Lqe3chJ17jT0uqSjALxpMZKJ6u7qIcGhfs1ebyQ0Ek9-AK9bLPNBNnZ_6JsRylQPbjizZ9nt57EIIXATrvb48thqar6S1In-8JAqsA8TKlRBt49SkXaTYblP/w200-h200/Smart5.png" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjhz10M4w7RJLHnXRbnZWeitoihhLuD0DnYRqYwRcj2tcuQPWuo1w0YpqloJQb9TQi9WnVNbEs6sl7lDoe_a6B7cO5dQJiKn_i0Gg4sxvlit4LpcXrCDzsF-nDafQHzBH2xJbk6-hH8h9SOPwysZlD0GDAcfQ47QJJnnLMZZv3i8HmciB3X03uJAC5/s1080/Smart6.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjhz10M4w7RJLHnXRbnZWeitoihhLuD0DnYRqYwRcj2tcuQPWuo1w0YpqloJQb9TQi9WnVNbEs6sl7lDoe_a6B7cO5dQJiKn_i0Gg4sxvlit4LpcXrCDzsF-nDafQHzBH2xJbk6-hH8h9SOPwysZlD0GDAcfQ47QJJnnLMZZv3i8HmciB3X03uJAC5/w200-h200/Smart6.png" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYhX4Ud2Hdb-BhTO1toyTb9ne97i2YDxRl2J7iWXf_qB90zTz1inOLRqWbXvyBjtUyy5JMyklakxBVZpxanXTMcC53INJGP1qIvzcxWKB5qtPEjsXbVOWk4upV_ypKjjvkKVwtL28ph6mNUuNd4g8R5j6d7qiUomawm8x-CSoqOo0NOxq33iyxBBZF/s1080/Smart7.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYhX4Ud2Hdb-BhTO1toyTb9ne97i2YDxRl2J7iWXf_qB90zTz1inOLRqWbXvyBjtUyy5JMyklakxBVZpxanXTMcC53INJGP1qIvzcxWKB5qtPEjsXbVOWk4upV_ypKjjvkKVwtL28ph6mNUuNd4g8R5j6d7qiUomawm8x-CSoqOo0NOxq33iyxBBZF/w200-h200/Smart7.png" width="200" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p><br /><p><br /></p>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-17221207433838148942023-01-05T15:04:00.002-05:002023-01-23T14:27:45.972-05:00Plans<p>I had plans.</p><p>I had so many plans for how I wanted things to go. The direction of my life was straight in front of me, and I put into works all my efforts towards the ideas and concepts and plans I had in mind. I was blindsided and all my efforts were derailed.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #93c47d;">"Why do I continue to try with my ex - knowing I have no future with him," she says.</span></i></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #93c47d;">"Because you have a heart full of stars - full of hope. Because the way you love is too much for you to know what to do with it - for you to know who to share it with. Because you believe in people. In change. In the spark of goodness they have. Even if it's just a little bit. Because you want to see them happy. Because you want to save them no matter what. No matter how far off the deep end they go. Because you want to make sure they make it back to the shore. Because you want to make sure they don't drown - they don't lose themselves in the transition. That's why. That's why you keep giving them chance after chance. That's why you keep letting them back in - apology after apology. That's how big your heart is. How deep your love is. You give them everything you've got. Even when you know it won't work out." - r.m. drake </span></i></p><p><br /></p><p>If it wasn't made clear in my last post, D and I are no more. As quickly as we came together, and together again, we've been ripped apart again. Something inside me is saying this is the end, permanently this time. D has decided to step away from not only me, but everyone around him. And he made this decision silently; just letting himself disappear from our lives. The only thing keeping him from disappearing entirely is our daughter, and I cannot decide if it is more painful to have him be a semi-available parent, or a completely absent one. He reappears once a week to come around and hold his daughter while simultaneously doom-scrolling some various app on his phone. I usually sit with the</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1FwR9bQiVyu5dwgvcapUh3IfXm18KqSH-Ifcq4a5dgfPEs7LlWvFwChoSFxrLnjq95w8Z5mw0fSMTFnlhQT47FZdKbt2wGcZfpIVthVZZ3jjTnDHLiENbS_1zcVLHOae8IOBkrB2oHKgByih4l1YFxVFLng9esj6uxg5x7QmekTid4Kvb2VC2mH5s/s1080/FB_IMG_1615219695334.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1FwR9bQiVyu5dwgvcapUh3IfXm18KqSH-Ifcq4a5dgfPEs7LlWvFwChoSFxrLnjq95w8Z5mw0fSMTFnlhQT47FZdKbt2wGcZfpIVthVZZ3jjTnDHLiENbS_1zcVLHOae8IOBkrB2oHKgByih4l1YFxVFLng9esj6uxg5x7QmekTid4Kvb2VC2mH5s/s320/FB_IMG_1615219695334.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> two of them and try to maintain conversation that usually ends up one-sided. This last time I sat silently and he took the pained look that was painted across my face as tiredness. I'm not surprised by this lack of comprehension. Thinking back on it, he really didn't try to get to know me much or learn to read me in any way that wasn't me blatantly telling him exactly what he needs to know. Spoon feeding. So much spoon feeding. I haven't decided if I'm going to continue silently sitting there and being available if he happens to need help. Part of me wants to just had her to him and leave the room and let him figure out why she's fussy or crying. Sink or swim. I had to learn it all on my own, maybe he needs to as well.<p></p><p></p><p>I know I made promises early on that I would take care of everything and that we wouldn't burden his life. But I shouldn't have to take care of everything. It's time to grow up and make sacrifices for the sake of your child, and figure out how to actually be an adult. No more making myself and my resources available whenever he's floundering. Figure it out, buddy.</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #93c47d;">Everyone says "a child needs their dad." But no. It's not that easily put. A child needs a SAFE dad. A PROVIDING dad. A CONSISTENT dad. A dad that understands his family is more important than IMMATURE SELFISHNESS. It is important for a mother to save her child from any harm or toxic people. And yes, that even includes family members and parents. And SHAME on anyone that puts a child's well being to the side for their PERSONAL "feel good" moments. -3am thoughts</span></i></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></p><p>But I digress.</p><p>I had plans. We should have been in our own place by now. All four of us; me, D, and the two kids. Here we are, yet another year stuck living with my parents in their now overly crowded house, and D in his own across town. Maybe it's better this way. </p><p>I had plans for my pregnancy. I knew how it was suppose to go; how I wanted it to go. It was suppose to be magical, pure happiness and glowing in glory. It was for a while, until D got stupid, and then the last 4 months were just robotic as I shoved all emotion to the wind and tried my damnedest to stop feeling sad all the time. Here I am, still sad.</p><p>With my first pregnancy, the whole experience was dealt with in sheer survival mode. It was absolute hell. Then the postpartum depression kicked my ass so hard that I don't remember a whole hell of a lot, and had a huge disconnect with everything including my kid. </p><p>This time, it's the anxiety. The world is downright terrifying, and I don't have anyone to help me navigate the constant worry and never ending fears. Not a whole lot different from the first time. I don't feel as disconnected as before, but the experience has been just as hellish in its own right.</p><p>Someone once told me that none of us are actually afraid of the dark; we're afraid of what it conceals from us. We're afraid of having something with the potential to hurt us, standing right before our eyes and not registering it as a threat. People are like that too.</p><p><br /></p><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #93c47d;">It didn't hurt me. Not "hurt." Hurt is a four letter word. It's short, almost cute sounding. Aawwww, did that hurt? no. It didn't hurt. Destroyed, obliterated, desecrated, annihilated, demolished, shattered, or demoralized maybe.... But no. It didn't hurt me. It didn't "hurt" me at all. -Ranata Suzuki</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><p>There were so many rituals and spells I had prepared. Pregnancy rituals, birth right rituals, protection spells, welcome home rituals. The works. And as I stumble upon my copy of "The Pregnant Goddess," the waterworks start again. Another ruined experience at the hands of another shitty ass partner.</p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;"><i>What is stronger than the human heart, which shatters over and over, and still lives? - rupi kaur</i></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;"><br /></span></p><p>It's a reminder of why I choose to practice in solitude. I am stronger when I am alone, because my golden heart is both my best attribute and my worst. I'm a pleaser, and I give too many chances. I'm loyal to a stupid fault, and have always found it easier to fight for others than for myself when I'm attached. I love like I've never been hurt. I love hard, and I've yet to find anyone who can handle that. Who can handle me. </p><p>I am stronger alone. Not carrying someone else's baggage, not trying to heal someone else, or pull someone else out of their hole. Not showering support on someone else, while the well of support for me runs dry. I am tired of begging people to love me.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #93c47d;">Ah babe, you didn't do anything wrong. He just took advantage of your nature in the most heartbreaking of ways. He used your dependability, your reliability, and your honesty against you. He knew your truth, and that you were 'invested' heart and soul. He used your softness as a revolving door and took advantage of the home it protected. You didn't do anything wrong. You loved the way love wants to be displayed. All in, cards facing up, game face vacant...transparent and glowing. You did nothing wrong. -Alfa</span></i></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></p><p style="text-align: left;">I'll be ok. Just not today, and probably not tomorrow. I'll make new plans; celebrate my spirituality as a single mother raising warriors. I am learning my wants; something I wasn't allowed to concern myself with before. I am learning it is ok to want; it is ok to demand efforts be put in that match my own. I am learning that I am not being selfish by asking someone to step up and put in the work. I am a complex and multi-leveled individual and that is ok. I am too much wild, too much work for most, but I will not reduce my presence into bite sized chunks that are easier for someone to swallow. You can choke.</p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;"><i>Trust the overthinker who tells you they love you. They have most assuredly, thought of every reason not to. -L.K. Pilgrim</i></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">I love on a level so deep it makes the ocean jealous, and I desire a love that matches the depths of my own. I deserve a slow love. Uncomplicated by the unwillingness to grow and evolve. No rush, just sure and stable. Consistent. I deserve someone that is sure of me, sure of love, and that I am sure of as well. So many people think we just want sex. It's not always about sex. It's intimacy we want. To be touched, looked at, admired, smiled at, to laugh with someone. To feel safe; to feel like someone's really got you, understands you. Not having to beg someone to do something with you, and then wondering why they so willingly do it with someone else. Not someone who pits you against others; who laces their words with poison. Crave me, not just sexually, but mentally, spiritually. Crave my scent, my vibe, my company. Don't get me wrong, sex is a plus. But I want to feel beautiful, wanted, loved, and appreciated. I want to believe in love. Freely. I want a mutual understanding that we are on a mission to keep love alive. I want to never go to bed mad. I want conversations, communication. Fun. Unconditional love. At the end of the day, I want to come home to someone who looks at me and smiles as if I am their entire world. And that's not too much to ask for. It is time to start making people understand that it's a privilege to be in my life.</p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #93c47d;">I have so much love to give. I've always been a person who could love someone for all that they are. I could love them for all of the trauma they've experienced, the pain they have endured, and for all of the good and bad characteristics that they possess. They could have a tunnel of darkness within them, and I would follow them into it, without a map, or even a flashlight, and I would do it without hesitation. -Kaitlin Clark</span></i></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></p><p style="text-align: left;">A woman with a broken past needs to be treated with patience. She needs time to breathe, to heal, to rediscover herself. A mistreated woman will reject love countless times before she gives in, because she's lost sense of what it's like to be treated right. But the beautiful thing about broken women is the wisdom the past has given them and the capacity of love they have to offer. Its endless. I am not afraid of falling in love. I am afraid of being the only one that falls, while the other one pretends. I'm strong because I walk around every day on the verge of tears, and no one even has the slightest clue that I'm not ok. I'm a real person. I struggle and I sparkle. I'm not afraid to say what makes me angry, sad, or what I think is unfair. I'm not afraid to admit that at times I feel worthless, lost, or not enough. I refuse to hide from love, beauty, aliveness, magic, and abundance. I won't edit the sad or messed up parts of my story, or the magnitudes of my triumphs, to make people comfortable.</p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;"><i>"I'm afraid of love. And after what I just went through, I don't think I can take it anymore. It's not worth it for me," she said. </i></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;"><i>"Please don't say that. Don't believe that. Don't shut your heart because of someone's carelessness. You deserve it. It's just you fell in love with the wrong person. But there is someone out there for you. Someone who's willing to give you what you need. What you deserve. Someone like you. Who's been through hell. Who knows what it's like to be cut deeper than any wound possible. It hurts. I know. But closing your heart isn't the answer. It just isn't. Keep it open. Always leave a little room inside it for someone new Stay strong, baby girl, soon enough, it will all make sense." -r.m. drake</i></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-80946508144335227502022-12-20T15:54:00.002-05:002022-12-20T15:54:53.155-05:00This Wasn't About Me<p>She calls me back to the water. To the sea. That feeling, that longing to be engulfed in the water is there. Those reoccurring dreams of being by the sea side cliffs, feeling the wind tug my body closer to the edge, are back. And I know what it means. It is time for healing. For letting go, falling into the current below, to be cleansed more inside than out, and to emerge anew and unrecognizable.</p><p>I want to fall. I want to be engulfed in the water, to feel it cradle me. For a moment, I'm not alive. But not dead either. Just there. Stagnant. Somewhere between existing and desist. Just a form, sinking to the bottom of the water with the weight of my own heavy heart. Where she lies waiting for me. </p><p>Mother, I'm coming home.</p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f;">---</span></p><p>It had been so long. So long since I had felt the intimacy and closeness of another, let alone someone I wanted so badly to feel that with. I was scared. A lot has changed since the last time, a lot had happened, and even in my new found self-worth, those consistent fears are still there. Plus the struggles I've had with my own physical pain, causing new limitations on myself that I am still navigating. But I was excited, looking forward to feeling those beloved feelings again. Despite the negative feeling that was nagging at me in the back of my head, I was ready to feel that closeness again. I was ready to take this next step.</p><p>It meant so much to me to do this. I wanted it to be special. It meant so much to me, and I wanted the slow, gentle and passionate lovemaking, with kisses and gentle touches and sweetness, and caresses. With time of laying together in each other's arms after, kissing and holding, and just being in the moment. I wanted it to be special.</p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f;">---</span></p><p>I was met with an atmosphere of negativity so thick I couldn't breathe. My desire for that special moment quickly faded, and I was focused on fixing the situation; trying desperately to create an environment of happiness and positivity, but no matter how I tried, the angles of approach, nothing worked. I was not the answer. Nothing I had to offer was good enough to fix this problem. I was not enough to make things better, to create an environment that was desired. </p><p>When you can tell someone isn't into a situation, but they keep telling you otherwise, it creates a deep confusion. The thing that was expressed as the most needed, was what I was offering to provide, but I could tell it wasn't wanted. Not with me. The vibe wasn't there. But I'm being told otherwise. So my desire for a "special" moment became nothing more than a willingness to be the distraction. I wasn't going to get a special moment. This wasn't about me. This was about him. His needs. His need for a distraction. I was the warm wet hole of distraction.</p><p>Desperately trying to still create the special moment I wanted, I tried to undress. I wanted skin on skin. I wanted to feel him, not just down there, but all around me. I wanted the embrace, the closeness. </p><p>You don't need to take your shoes off for doggy.</p><p>I wanted eye contact. I wanted to see the affects of my offer. I wanted to see how I was doing, if I was doing it right, if I needed to do more. I wanted the sacred act of eye contact that I've not gotten with anyone else. But you can't see when you're face down; the sight of you unwanted. And the physical pain I have been struggling with began to creep in. As I knew it would in such a position. But this wasn't about me. This wasn't for me.</p><p>And in the moment, unsure of how things are going because I can't see, I try to press back, to feel more than just the pain and the steady pumping. I focus on my own pleasure; it may not be special, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it for what it is. I try to move, to rock in a way I need to get there, but I am pushed away and held still. And in a moment, it's over. </p><p>The opportunity for the special moment is over, and if I expected embrace and closeness after the fact, I wasn't getting it. Too many distractions for that, and he is pulled away from me before I have a chance to steady myself against my own pain and pull him close.</p><p>Selfish special moments had no place here. This wasn't about me. </p><p>In the morning, the fruits of my offering withered. My offer of my own flesh as a distraction was not enough. And I am left feeling used and discarded.</p><p>This wasn't about me.</p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f;">---</span></p><p>I am called to the water. To its engulfing embrace; its cradling comfort. For a moment, I do not want to be alive or dead. I just want to silently take up space. I don't need the wind to pull me over the edge and into the depths below. I fall willingly. I need held, and the water welcomes me into her arms. </p><p>Mother, I'm coming home.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkAS90IvCm7Gl1slfDpKh0i-peCfkDTgGizQ7KH1srqVZCoUHUpQJI9seZCHxUEE90HnmFRHvcG0yMEJNNS5kRUFDPMcY6NoAZ_sl_Y8oajiTqHlCiN8C9Mub54xLP3NscNNI2J-xr8x63ln4ois2a_T8Z7PL5UDIGdwYE9KbrcDxtWAzt_6TxdJmB/s2048/ThisWasntAboutMe.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkAS90IvCm7Gl1slfDpKh0i-peCfkDTgGizQ7KH1srqVZCoUHUpQJI9seZCHxUEE90HnmFRHvcG0yMEJNNS5kRUFDPMcY6NoAZ_sl_Y8oajiTqHlCiN8C9Mub54xLP3NscNNI2J-xr8x63ln4ois2a_T8Z7PL5UDIGdwYE9KbrcDxtWAzt_6TxdJmB/s320/ThisWasntAboutMe.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-11544699066938836572022-12-19T13:39:00.004-05:002022-12-20T16:07:02.712-05:00Break Ups<p>Holy shit.</p><p>It's been a whirlwind of things happening since my last update. And I admit, I'm still navigating how I'm going to go about this post. It will be a bit out of order, but I promise, I will eventually circle around and fill in the gap. Baby and I are both doing good, and I promise that at a later date, I will share my birth story and experience. But this post isn't about that.</p><p>In my last post, I skirted around the topic of D's and my break up. It was an ugly mess. Disastrous, if I'm being honest. But at the fear of "airing dirty laundry," I kept the whole thing extremely vague and hush hush. Now, with D's permission, I'm going to share a bit of what happened, and is currently happening. It will still be a bit vague, as D and I don't really want the entire world knowing our business... But here we go.</p><p>Break ups.</p><p>Back in July, D and I broke up. For a few months prior, we had been drifting apart. I had theories about why that was happening, but no proof. Even now, I don't have a whole lot of proof, but my intuition is seldom that far off. Anyway, it took <i>months</i> for him and I to get to a place where we were actually civil. Those months were so painful. Feeling how cold, how unfriendly he was, us screaming at each other, me feeling like I had to be a doormat just so we wouldn't fight. I hadn't been that depressed in an extremely long time. It ruined the positive pregnancy experience I had been having up to that point, and I'll be honest, I'm not sure which of my pregnancies was worse. Looking back on it now, it's still painful. I was robbed once again, of having a loving and positive pregnancy experience. And this was suppose to be my do-over. This was suppose to be my chance to have the pregnancy experience I so desperately wanted to have, and in the blink of an eye, it blew up in my face. Now, I question whether I want to have children again, because pregnancy is just a traumatic and triggering thing now. I thought long and hard about having my tubes tied after this, and I think if I had been put in the situation where it was an easily available option, I would have done it without thinking. Which is sad, as I truly had always wanted to have numerous children.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkbRwPESkoTsHgQIls_pOxzi_S0xR7ZFZOftm4CngrchW_U6JxPw_2rDGu6lAcjMxOoxD6UVTj3lt1M2tLJ6uvcjeBFydpEK4LLbfoA21dhkCmBWlD4Cm5VqxnwhD7GugDiL335T1k2H9eGZ9YBSc6JVvwqoGE0PiHcFKnj7krqj5CA_ai4idFz3GQ/s2048/Breakups.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkbRwPESkoTsHgQIls_pOxzi_S0xR7ZFZOftm4CngrchW_U6JxPw_2rDGu6lAcjMxOoxD6UVTj3lt1M2tLJ6uvcjeBFydpEK4LLbfoA21dhkCmBWlD4Cm5VqxnwhD7GugDiL335T1k2H9eGZ9YBSc6JVvwqoGE0PiHcFKnj7krqj5CA_ai4idFz3GQ/s320/Breakups.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p>Once D and I finally figured out what "being civil" was, we started having deeper conversations again and started evaluating our relationship and its downfall. The points I made at that time were all things I had recognized prior to our breakup, but selfishly didn't bring up, as I had felt we were in a good place and headed in the right direction. Looking back on it, I see how not bringing up these things only contributed to us not working out, and our relationship being much more fragile than I wanted to admit. Ultimately, we both had to change, and we both had to now put in tremendous efforts to get along and navigate this now confusing situation, for the sake of providing a good environment for our child. We both put in the work, and at least for me, it was super difficult, super frustrating, and painfully slow. </p><p>Oddly, just when I came to truly accepting that D and I were no more, and that there was no getting back together; just when I finally gave up hope of being anything more than "civil," D and I finally managed to find the same page, in the same damn book. This was after our child was born. Her birth, a huge turning point for him and groundbreaking in his work and effort, for me was not the fix-all that I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be the saving grace for our relationship, the miracle life-saving salve on the open would that was us. It wasn't. And I grappled with that fact for a while, before I finally let go of my own selfish wants and just let things happen. Just let thing be, as they were, in the moment. </p><p>For D, this time was for re-learning concepts of love. The saying goes "when you are not fed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it off knives." It means, when you aren't shown love in its proper form and way, you learn to associate love with pain, because that's the only way you've ever known it. D's experiences with love, from my understanding, have always been on the edge of the knife. Our love, I don't believe was always on the edge of the knife, but still at times was laced with pain. We are two broken people trying to love each other, and loving a broken person is hard. It requires a level of patience and understanding that we are both still learning to master. </p><p>But finally, as we stumbled through figuring out this confusing situation, we fell onto the same page. We wanted to do things right this time, and took the necessary steps towards doing so. Being poly, we made sure all involved parties were on the same page with us before making the jump into trying again. And now we are currently still stumbling through figuring things out, but we are getting the hang of it, in our own time. </p><p>There was however, at least I feel, a hinderance. Fox. I don't say that lightly, and I am in fact, picking my words carefully. </p><p>Rewind a bit. Back in April, I mentioned that our relationship with Fox had hit a roadblock that led to us parting ways with her. Well, I was the only one who parted ways with her. D continued to maintain a relationship with her. For a year, the two of them maintained their relationship while I struggled to try to build something with Fox on any level, and struggled with not only the same issues that caused that roadblock, but also new issues as well. </p><p>This situation with Fox has, without a doubt, been nothing more than a learning experience. I call it a "situation" because if you ask Fox, she and I never had a relationship of any kind. Apparently. Looking back on the past year, Fox has displayed to me, a personality that I can only describe as subtle narcissism. The red flags were there:</p><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Symptoms of narcissism may vary from person to person. The most common symptoms include:</i></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="text-align: left;"><i>Being overly boastful, exaggerating one’s own achievements</i></li><li style="text-align: left;"><i>Pretending to be superior to others</i></li><li style="text-align: left;"><i>Lack of empathy for others</i></li><li style="text-align: left;"><i>Looking down on others as inferior</i></li><li style="text-align: left;"><i>Monopolising conversations</i></li><li style="text-align: left;"><i>Impatient, angry, unhappy, depressed or has mood swings when criticized</i></li><li style="text-align: left;"><i>Easily disappointed when expected importance is not given</i></li><li style="text-align: left;"><i>Always craves for “the best” in everything</i></li><li style="text-align: left;"><i>Has a very fragile self-esteem</i></li></ul><i>If untreated, complications may include:</i></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><i>Disturbance in social relationships – at home, school, and/or office</i></li><li><i>Depression</i></li><li><i>Drug and/or alcohol abuse</i></li><li><i>Suicidal thoughts</i></li></ul><div>She wasn't always bold and in your face with these signs of narcissism; sometimes they were more quiet and subtle, but they were still there. I could see the clear signs that were being displayed, but there was a level of manipulation that was also in the works. So I was alone in recognizing what was happening. This situation with Fox was a test on my patience and perseverance. It was a situation where I found myself pouring endless efforts and time and emotion into, and I was being met with no effort and emotion in return. This was a one way relationship, and I quickly realized that the bare minimum - if even that - was being given to keep me happy, so Fox could continue her relationship with D. Her actions said "if I keep her just happy enough, she'll leave me alone and I can be with D." Any efforts Fox put into her and I were forced by D or another man in our lives. It took a man - usually D - arguing with her before she would try to reciprocate effort with me. </div><div><br /></div><div>Here I was, going out of my way in trying to build a relationship or even friendship with her, and it seemed all she'd do is turn her nose up at me and give me the cold shoulder. Trying to talk to her about anything important or relationship building, was like talking to a brick wall. We'd just end up going around in circles and get absolutely nowhere. My qualms with her, though I expressed them, were met with excuses rather than validation and solution seeking. In fact, after expressing my bigger issues and concerns, she seemed to do more things that only made my concerns deepen. My golden heart being my weakness, I always chalked it up to the fact that she was new to the lifestyle we were apart of; that she was naive of the workings of poly relationships. But I was unable to continue with that excuse for her when she refused to even be platonic friends. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have unproven theories that she was purposely trying to sabotage D and I, that she was a danger to my children, that she had been pulling D further away from me since the very beginning, that she was even attracted to women. Having dealt with master manipulators in my past, I have learned how to catch on quickly to their tactics. Unfortunately, in our trio, I was the only one who caught on, so I spent a year in literal martyrdom, because I refused to allow anyone to say I didn't try. Finally, with some help from other poly partners, D started to recognize the manipulation and hypocrisy that Fox was displaying. It all came to a head 5 days ago when she finally asked if he wanted things to continue.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>"No."</div><div><br /></div><div>Break ups are hard. </div><div><br /></div><div>Poly break ups are harder. </div><div><br /></div><div>To see your partner hurting because their relationship with someone they loved has come to an end, is hard. Seeing that while also feeling a huge relief that it's over, is confusing. Here I was, with a huge weight lifted off my chest, feeling so happy it was over that I could cry, but D was hurting. I know he had love for her, and his hurt is so very valid. But it is a tricky situation, and I find myself biting my tongue and giving him the space to have his grief and hurt, without the intrusion of my own feelings on the matter. </div><div><br /></div><div>In the days since, the level of manipulation that was happening has truly been brought to light, and D's pain has quickly started to subside as Fox's true colors have been made known. No longer am I alone in many of my theories. But with this new knowledge, comes new feelings. Hurt, betrayal, frustration, even anger. D has struggled with his own self-worth after this new knowledge surfaced. I find myself happily giving pep talks to help D pull himself out of his hole, which speaks volumes in our relationship on a D/s level. I have always felt that the D-type is the main rock that holds it together, but when the D-type can't, it is the s-type's turn to cary the heavy load. This break up has allowed me to cary the heavy load for D, something I am truly blessed that he trusts me with. </div><div><br /></div><div>This situation has been a learning experience, and sometimes, that's all it is. In this, I learned I have an unwavering sense of loyalty, a level of perseverance even I didn't know I had, and an extremely sharp intuition. I've learned that the depths of my golden heart are unfathomable. In an unexpected way, I have also found my own self worth. </div>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-42058355798545458732022-08-23T15:20:00.004-04:002022-08-24T15:40:32.598-04:00The Stress...<p><br /> 33+6</p><p>That's how they're saying how far I am in pregnancy. 33 weeks and 6 days. </p><p>And going at it alone. </p><p>Its been 51 days alone. Truly alone that is. Prior to that it was not technically alone, but it might as well have been. 51 days of planning and prepping on my own. All other goals have been put on hold, as I now have to solely focus on the coming of this baby, by myself.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEkIoOAmjhEe-TRPQ33ko3xMLEh317VHk3j6d2RIQvbQUSoLBnWyQizaA03BGS8FPlCnbD6bBafFToRFCuGDG1gNYkwUCZfVp_KztWOHtuL0YdZIB5XYatHsVawION2MrPcae3A1qRTITCrRtikqg6zxf54yUA0f-Sspeukt7CszE8PgATX3OpZa2y/s1500/GoDaddyStudioPage-0%20(14).png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1500" data-original-width="1000" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEkIoOAmjhEe-TRPQ33ko3xMLEh317VHk3j6d2RIQvbQUSoLBnWyQizaA03BGS8FPlCnbD6bBafFToRFCuGDG1gNYkwUCZfVp_KztWOHtuL0YdZIB5XYatHsVawION2MrPcae3A1qRTITCrRtikqg6zxf54yUA0f-Sspeukt7CszE8PgATX3OpZa2y/w266-h400/GoDaddyStudioPage-0%20(14).png" width="266" /></a></div>So what have I gotten done:<p></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Painted my bedroom and taken down the wallpaper boarder - baby will be staying in my room, as I still live with my parents and now at this point cannot afford to move out on my own as a single mother of two.</li><li>Moved furniture out of the way and set up the cradle. </li><li>Set up the changing table/dresser, and bought the pad for the changing table.</li><li>Bought dreft laundry detergent and cleaned all the clothing and bedding and blankets I've gotten so far, and put them away.</li><li>Bought 2 packs of diapers to start out.</li><li>Bought 2 car seats (one for my car, one for my mom's car)</li><li>Bought a stroller</li><li>Bought a pack 'n play</li><li>Bought towels and wash cloths</li><li>Bought a breast pump and cleaning supplies for it</li><li>Ordered a bag for the be breast pump and all it's things</li><li>Bought a diaper bag and nursing cover</li><li>Bought a baby bath tub</li><li>Bought a shopping cart and high chair cover</li><li>Found the diaper pail and baby monitor from my first kiddo</li><li>Collected a few books and baby toys/teethers</li><li>Created a birthing plan, and a back up if D doesn't show</li><li>Packed a bag for my first kiddo with things to do in the hospital waiting room</li></ul><div>I still need to finish packing my own bag for delivery, and I'll eventually need to buy more diapers, a crib mattress (when she transitions out of the cradle), a high chair, baby proofing things, bottles and bottle cleaners. I'm hoping to breast feed, but bottles will come in handy when I have to go back to work and she's either at a sitter's or daycare. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've decided not to do birthing classes. This was something I wanted to do with D, but now the idea of having to do them alone again just doesn't sit well. Ultimately, I've done this before and I've been researching things on my own, so if I can save some money by forgoing classes, I will.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes, and it has been a struggle. None of my numbers seem to be conclusive with my diagnosis, so it has just been confusing and leaving me depressed. I'm scared to eat, but I'm scared not to eat because I don't want to fall back into EDs. Ultimately I'm left with more questions than answers on this, because it just doesn't make sense.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've gone to doctor appointments alone. My appointment this week will be my 4th one alone. I get it, not everyone can just take off to go with me, but it has been very lonely and depressing.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've struggled greatly with depression. I'm sure most of it is situational, magnified by pregnancy hormones. But it has made everything quite difficult. Having almost lost this baby 4 times, and now having to do everything alone, I'm just a mess of emotions. I'm sure this has something to do with not passing the glucose test, but I'm no expert to know for sure. The emotions come and go in magmatic waves. My therapist says I'm grieving the ending of my relationship, and that's highly possible. But I just don't know what to do, because I've never grieved before. Not to mention that one of my role models and martial arts mentors passed away from cancer a week or so ago. So add that grief on top of the grief I already don't know how to navigate through.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm stressed. Stressed about money mostly. Stressed about how I'm going to make this work, how I'm going to do the single mom thing AGAIN. Stressed about my blood sugar numbers. Stressed about getting everything ready. Stressed about what the hell is going to happen. Stressed about not having a support person during labor. Stressed about being alone. It's a lot.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've kinda lost sight of all my goals, all my motivation, and I feel like I'm barely making it through each day. I'm hoping maybe I can at least find some motivation in my spirituality here soon. I'm in desperate need of it...</div><p></p>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-75305926338696638802022-04-29T08:28:00.003-04:002022-04-29T08:28:32.654-04:00Goal Updates - Surprise!<p><span style="color: #93c47d;"> <i>Treya.....you promised you'd come back and edit this blog and keep it up to date and give everyone cool new stuffs....</i></span></p><p>I know. I'm a shit blogger. We all know it. I accept it.</p><p><i><span style="color: #93c47d;">Where have you been? It's been months...</span></i></p><p>I'm well aware. Things have been a bit crazy in the personal life. I guess it's time for an update, so let's go back and revisit those <a href="https://natureboundpagan.blogspot.com/2022/01/hello-2022.html">beginning of the year goals:</a></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLiifIzT1c7GXZQoirnlKwGUne_Gnly4_yE9mOaW7rcAHLOTq0ZKbR4C3AY4OjdYAO0oMIi6cuS7owUwM1EPcfLswzTokw00LCGGdza55P0QeMuT5rLDFS1cSWoGObLyXIpZG-m6PAH9AzfI6h_tq3a0E5EgzSPhACxrFb4zIIKp_7FCi-oIRTY-I1/s1080/GoDaddyStudioPage-0%20(5).png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLiifIzT1c7GXZQoirnlKwGUne_Gnly4_yE9mOaW7rcAHLOTq0ZKbR4C3AY4OjdYAO0oMIi6cuS7owUwM1EPcfLswzTokw00LCGGdza55P0QeMuT5rLDFS1cSWoGObLyXIpZG-m6PAH9AzfI6h_tq3a0E5EgzSPhACxrFb4zIIKp_7FCi-oIRTY-I1/s320/GoDaddyStudioPage-0%20(5).png" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Spiritual</span></h3><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">So you want to be a witch</span></li><ul><li>Still brainstorming and working on this. I swear new stuff is coming</li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Create more free materials</span></li><ul><li>Again, brainstorming and working on some things currently.</li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">More social media activity</span></li><ul><li>Hey this has been happening. Everytime there is a new post here, it gets linked and shared on the Facebook page, and the Pinterest page (which is why you're seeing more graphics and photos added to posts)</li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Landing page</span></li><ul><li>This may require some outside help, and possibly a transfer away from blogger (I don't wanna, but we will see)</li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">New journal prompts</span></li><ul><li>I swear I'm brainstorming!</li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">More personal updates</span></li><ul><li>Isn't that what this post is? Also, I will definitely be including some more updates below</li></ul></ul><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Career & Work</span></h3><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Freelancing </span></li><ul><li>Other than graphics and material for this blog, I really haven't branched out much on the freelancing aspect. I am doing some random hodge-podge graphic design work for my regular job, but that's very much as needed.</li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Catch up on editing</span></li><ul><li>So this required a hefty purchase...I have been using Adobe Creative Suite (anyone who uses these apps will now collectively gasp, as I've just dated myself), which doesn't exist anymore because Adobe has moved to a subscription based product. Hello Creative Cloud. I actually took the time to research and pro/con the options before dropping the +$700 subscription. I was hoping to make this money back with photographing weddings. I need 3 weddings a year to pay for it. This year I have 2 weddings...so, I'm sorry budget, I failed.</li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Take more photographs</span></li><ul><li>Ha! Well, I can't depend on weddings for this one. I have been taking some more photos on my phone, but I really need to pull out the ol' camera and actually do it. I have a feeling I will be before the end of the year...</li></ul></ul><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Relationships</span></h3></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Build on current relationships</span></li><ul><li>DD and I are still going strong. We are working through tough things, and striving in good things. Our relationship with Fox has hit a road block, and ultimately we split ways. We are all still being civil and working on our friendship. Who knows, we may pick that back up in the future. I think Fox and I both need to work on some personal things and better ourselves before truly entertaining that thought, but I at least, am not opposed to it. </li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Improve self esteem and self worth</span></li><ul><li>This is a working progress, and will continue to be a working progress. DD has helped where he can, but I know a lot of the work is on me, specifically. I don't think this is a goal that will ever TRULY be accomplished and crossed off. It's a constant working process.</li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Build user manual</span></li><ul><li>I started this! Its currently just a Google spreadsheet with multiple tabs that are kinda messy as I try to organize my thoughts and idea.</li></ul></ul><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Health & Fitness</span></h3></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span><span style="color: #f1c232;">Drink more water</span></span></li><ul><li><span>Check...in fact, I have decreased my coffee intake as I've increased my water intake. I've dragged my water bottle with me everywhere.</span></li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Be more conscious about eating healthier</span></li><ul><li> Also check. There's a huge factor in this that I've yet to mention (its a surprise), but I have definitely been eating a bunch of fruit lately, and cutting out a lot of snacky carbs/sweets</li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Increase physical activity </span></li><ul><li>Eh...not check. I haven't gone out of my way to exercise more, and I certainly can't hit the gym right now. I've been trying to walk when I can. That's about all I can do.</li></ul></ul><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Home & Hearth</span></h3></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span><span style="color: #f1c232;">Buy a house</span></span></li><ul><li><span>Not check. The housing market is still insane, and DD and I don't bring enough income to afford in this crazy market. Working on saving up where we can. </span></li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Money management</span></li><ul><li>I'm not too bad at this. I'm definitely trying to be more self sufficient. I'm working on budget sheets, both for myself and for DD, and for us together. The frivolous spending has really died down, but some other spending has gone up and will continue to do so...</li></ul><li><span style="color: #f1c232;">Work towards self sufficiency</span></li><ul><li> Again, working progress. I do feel like I'm trading relying on my parents to relying on DD, and I don't like that feeling either. So I'm still working on this one.</li></ul></ul><div><br /></div></div><div>So that's my goal update.</div><div><br /></div><div>What's keeping me from accomplishing more goals and making bigger steps towards them? Well, that's the big surprise...</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGhe1vy3wE5-kp7WMkbZU_q2Xr5IJuaxZXbVp3ihmOWO_PuFSfvup-uocTJ0DuQwr7DVMyVv5WdP-DnIcL2PAVMR9Il6GH2qNYAueETLeAjMuT2gtYmmIIbxeUCrsTl-HqX6asxMaw9sakLqMZDXAY_ibQyHPHXLxGbcbokV2zcyRnYJH6YgSNeTIS/s1500/GoDaddyStudioPage-0%20(13).png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1500" data-original-width="1000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGhe1vy3wE5-kp7WMkbZU_q2Xr5IJuaxZXbVp3ihmOWO_PuFSfvup-uocTJ0DuQwr7DVMyVv5WdP-DnIcL2PAVMR9Il6GH2qNYAueETLeAjMuT2gtYmmIIbxeUCrsTl-HqX6asxMaw9sakLqMZDXAY_ibQyHPHXLxGbcbokV2zcyRnYJH6YgSNeTIS/s320/GoDaddyStudioPage-0%20(13).png" width="213" /></a></div><br />There's been a big thing that has really taken precedence on my life the past few months. Actually, since February if you want to get technical. It has been the cause of a lot of changes in life, and some serious scatter brain. I've struggled with brainstorming and writing posts because my brain has been absolutely all over the place. A big change is headed our way, as DD and I are expecting a baby. </div><div><br /></div><div>Surprise.</div><div><br /></div><div>We sure were. Let me just tell you, the odds were stacked against this little one. DD and I both have fertility issues, and honestly, I was to the point where I didn't think I'd ever have another child. DD and I were actively taking steps towards preventing this from happening, but here we are with a little warrior who is beating all odds. It's been an insane whirlwind. Let me quickly outline how strong this little one is:</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I have enough scar tissue that it highly affects my ability to conceive</li><li><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSWDedZVJuW6gXYWM4gh-c3LQw6zThysUDzpk8efjnjMZAVnT8SGYTnQf0OSY6do3ajugMm2KcaJi-9z3DdpRa67KJj6Eh8gEXozLfKpjE0iC3mG-dy_SuOhbh70txKC1lAGsir9v5Yx9D7H_a55LDMZR03H-p2BaPaxQ0B7Bb0yFqa_1dCuq14A3y/s1500/GoDaddyStudioPage-0%20(12).png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1500" data-original-width="1000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSWDedZVJuW6gXYWM4gh-c3LQw6zThysUDzpk8efjnjMZAVnT8SGYTnQf0OSY6do3ajugMm2KcaJi-9z3DdpRa67KJj6Eh8gEXozLfKpjE0iC3mG-dy_SuOhbh70txKC1lAGsir9v5Yx9D7H_a55LDMZR03H-p2BaPaxQ0B7Bb0yFqa_1dCuq14A3y/s320/GoDaddyStudioPage-0%20(12).png" width="213" /></a></div>DD has a fertility rate of less than 1%</li><li>I had 2 miscarriages prior to this baby. DD has gone through more than 20</li><li>I was actively on birth control that has a 97-99% success rate, and was following the directions of use to a T...religiously</li><li>Since conception, we have had 2 threatened miscarriages</li><li>Since conception, I have taken a pretty hard fall and caused some serious bruising on my entire<br /> back, tailbone, and elbow. </li></ul><div>Yep. Little warrior. I'm not sure which of the gods have blessed us so favorably, but thank you to them. Oh, and our little warrior is a little girl...and I'm pretty sure she has already picked her name. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>So the health changes and money management might make a bit more sense now. Perhaps my absence makes a bit more sense too. I'm 16 weeks along, and we are expecting to be graced with our warrior's presence in early October. Just in time for a Samhain together as a family.</div><p></p>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-50223426654042049782022-03-07T11:18:00.002-05:002022-03-07T11:18:56.552-05:00Wild Woman<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjpM0JZkqczqW1cyskMgdK05364064wJQhweKqPyw_xjo5hzeI4eqcZKzdyfrS9tDCA2mwgFBIPM9eCkFRvHrLOkCeCRMtuqPln1liRw-pyZEKagiGX7MBMua9WTYGgvBeRaoGvl7vXrUH5Nhlf1SAsFetXB5jyT4sWJkJwVTputMavssNQt-cbEs0s=s2048" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjpM0JZkqczqW1cyskMgdK05364064wJQhweKqPyw_xjo5hzeI4eqcZKzdyfrS9tDCA2mwgFBIPM9eCkFRvHrLOkCeCRMtuqPln1liRw-pyZEKagiGX7MBMua9WTYGgvBeRaoGvl7vXrUH5Nhlf1SAsFetXB5jyT4sWJkJwVTputMavssNQt-cbEs0s=s320" width="320" /></a></div><br />In my journey to rediscover my "wild woman," I've had to initiate some serious soul searching, and self reflection. My first step was to come to terms with the fact that I have lost my "wild woman" and am not where I want to be. <p></p><p>There was a time in my life, where I felt that I was getting to know that "wild woman," and that I was headed in the direction I wanted to go in life. It was at the height of this blog, and I was completely dedicated to my studies and my craft. </p><p>Life happened, and got in the way. It's not an excuse, but an explanation. I found myself working job that required so much of me physically and mentally, that I was just too tired to sit and study and write blog posts and practice my craft. I let work become more important than my spirituality, and I couldn't find a happy middle ground for the two to coincide. So I let go of my spirituality. I packed away my altar and my books, I stopped going to my blog, I stopped reading articles and participating in online groups. I stopped wearing my pentagram. I focused on work. </p><p>At the time, it just seemed like what had to be done, so I didn't worry much about it. Looking back, I hate it. I hate losing that part of me. I feel that I have lost my sense of direction in life. I stopped making goals, I stopped thinking about the future. I started living day by day, and being overly fluid to whatever happened. I allowed myself to be off track, and it caused a heap of depression I was ignoring. </p><p>I was unhappy with my life, but I wasn't ready to face the fact that allowing myself to lose my spirituality, was the cause. No longer was I the witty girl with a pen always in hand. No longer was "Pagan" a huge defining factor of my being, but rather it became more of an afterthought. I was no longer flamboyantly pagan, and although I wasn't in the broom closet, it just seemed that my paganism was easier to just place on a shelf to collect dust. </p><p>Most people wouldn't know by looking at me that I am pagan. And although that's not necessarily a bad thing, it is definitely in contrast to where I wanted to be. I wanted to be that "wild woman" I was discovering. That "wild woman" I've lost.</p><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Wild Woman:</b><br />wīldˈwo͝omən/<br />noun: a woman who lives authentically, acting with a sense of creativity, passion, and courage, with the aim of expressing herself and ideas freely in order to live her truth</span><div><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><br /></span></div><div>So what does that mean? Wild Woman? Well, its easier to explain it in my head than out loud, unfortunately. And I can't really describe what it looks like. I guess you could say A wild woman is a woman who is wild and free, makes her own choices, and doesn't want to be ruled by anyone. A wild woman does not allow anyone to hold her within. Knowing that she has the passion and courage to express herself freely, she loves being in a free spirit and is always in a state of transition. Is it the pagan version of a "boss bitch?" Eh maybe.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #6aa84f;">"I am not eccentric. It's just that I am more alive than most people."</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #6aa84f;">- Edith Sitwell</span></i></div><div><br /></div><div>How do I find her? How do I invoke my own "wild woman?" How to I bring her back? This blog is a step in that journey. It is the first missing piece of the puzzle. </div><div><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 30px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Inter;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div><p></p></div>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-76044013975046601942022-02-07T15:27:00.001-05:002022-02-08T09:40:52.227-05:00Mother Medusa - I Hear Your Cry<p><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjPm9OZqgLPoBY7DswGg8dd-TpOttho5kRINVPwcPaYCX-SbkPHN8Y0Gh5GCDimNHqXiQhOW0jOkBtpHLO7O1yRHTUYloLuZ7ljbE4oSuBS78mm0U8VD9jd43L2taxb2tLxNdjXjn0PpxQk2TKaAlQRvaVtnk5rEiIWMfp39NIXd7mHVxRatrK5nFlT=s2048" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjPm9OZqgLPoBY7DswGg8dd-TpOttho5kRINVPwcPaYCX-SbkPHN8Y0Gh5GCDimNHqXiQhOW0jOkBtpHLO7O1yRHTUYloLuZ7ljbE4oSuBS78mm0U8VD9jd43L2taxb2tLxNdjXjn0PpxQk2TKaAlQRvaVtnk5rEiIWMfp39NIXd7mHVxRatrK5nFlT=w200-h200" width="200" /></a></div><br />Disclaimer: the below blog post will discuss subject matter that may be uncomfortable for some readers, including themes of sexual assault and murder/gore, thus reader discretion is advised. </i></div><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">+-+-+</span></p><p>Medusa and I have become quite close over the past year or so, and it could be questioned as to who found who first. When her statue was installed in New York in 2020, it was in honor of the #metoo movement; a movement I hold very dear to my heart. (<span style="text-align: center;">Check out this article: </span><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/13/arts/design/medusa-statue-manhattan.html" style="text-align: center;">How A Medusa Sculpture From A Decade Ago Became #MeToo Art</a>.) Artist Luciano Garbati, inspired by the 16th century sculpture <i>Perseus with the Head of Medusa</i>, decided to show the story through Medusa's viewpoint; giving a voice to the true victim of the story. </p><p>The original 16th century sculpture, <i>Perseus with the Head of Medusa,</i> depicts Perseus standing over the lifeless and decapitated body of Medusa, sword in one hand, and proudly holding Medusa's severed head in the other, arm outstretched in triumph, with gore still dripping from the wound. It is horrifically interesting to see the glory of male violence being portrayed. Medusa isn't depicted as a monster in this portrayal, but rather as a woman, with womanly curves and features, and her hair barely resembles that of snakes, if even at all. This isn't a depiction of a hero conquering a monster. This is a depiction of a man having brutally murdered a woman. It is normalization of gendered violence.</p><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgM9h4Y0fsyYS2VoyrUGLxlsT3it3S9oufOZ92nBW3QLPAhE6YvsBYDU2TZeiuh-PtU0jEeNKWt3vR8F_G0v7nhybt63FcvytNNaqIKJb0MXyJQ4CTZf_s_b2SDM5lGxp_pHBIw-cbBSE2-r9sljy2oVTdXsweGol8SXhNWNsxtXk1dfi_R1GvGcSKS=s2048" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgM9h4Y0fsyYS2VoyrUGLxlsT3it3S9oufOZ92nBW3QLPAhE6YvsBYDU2TZeiuh-PtU0jEeNKWt3vR8F_G0v7nhybt63FcvytNNaqIKJb0MXyJQ4CTZf_s_b2SDM5lGxp_pHBIw-cbBSE2-r9sljy2oVTdXsweGol8SXhNWNsxtXk1dfi_R1GvGcSKS=s320" width="320" /></a></div>For a long time, the story of Medusa has been patriarchally misconstrued. The story was that Medusa disrespected Athena, by believing she was more beautiful, and thus Athena cursed her with snakes for hair, and the ability to turn people to stone with just one look. Her demise came when Perseus used reflections to behead her. Over time, the act slowly came to light as rape but Athena's anger stayed the same; leaving the act of victim shaming depicted as acceptable. The story slowly morphed into victim blaming, as it developed into depicting Medusa as a seductress, provoking men into raping her, but the moment we conclude that a woman can incite a man to rape her, we clear the man of all ethical and moral responsibility, and we reduce women to a commodity; an object. During this time, rape seemed to be the exciting plot twist to all myths, and the theme seemed to weave into multiple stories, as a way to entice, and explain the masculine divine right to women's bodies. Rape was glamorized. Female terror and suffering was glamorized. In 1940, Sigmund Freud posed in his <i>Das Medusenhaupt, </i>that the story of Medusa represented the fear of male castration, and the threat powerful women could be on manhood and masculinity. Even the 1981 film <i>Clash of the Titans</i> and the 2010 film <i>Percy Jackson and the Olympians: Lightning Thief</i> depicted Medusa as a strong, monstrous woman to be conquered and defeated. In 2016, the Donald Trump presidential campaign released memorabilia depicting him holding the severed head of his rival, Hillary Clinton, all Perseus-style. Medusa's story has always been fueled by toxic masculinity and dysfunctional ideas surrounding sexual assault.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">But the side of the story that is spoken the loudest, isn't always what is true. </span></b></div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhTWJSFnPn6x3tfphSDXeCCb3cJnqbaUtpsyNaDMIzEl_aSmLXJMiHTgaWqjbJRL19plAHyp2b-Rl41yUXsaMlTDAPrbslXNTAU1TagySrGmci8egLl0Zh4KWEuNKtnVdYBdvNPhL82JI_H_4HMYBo9ryz7Pigoq2uge0ZRMtmbcqq7BH8VN9Iad4J6=s2048" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhTWJSFnPn6x3tfphSDXeCCb3cJnqbaUtpsyNaDMIzEl_aSmLXJMiHTgaWqjbJRL19plAHyp2b-Rl41yUXsaMlTDAPrbslXNTAU1TagySrGmci8egLl0Zh4KWEuNKtnVdYBdvNPhL82JI_H_4HMYBo9ryz7Pigoq2uge0ZRMtmbcqq7BH8VN9Iad4J6=w320-h320" width="320" /></a></div><br />As many sexual assault survivors know, there is the story that is publicized, and then there is the truth. What is publicized is usually heavily influenced by a patriarchal-fueled victim blaming tactic that truly turns the victim into the perpetrator. In the reality of Medusa's story, Medusa was raped by Poseidon, in a temple for Athena. Hearing Medusa's cries as she grieved over what had happened, Athena came to her. She blessed the gorgon with monstrous looks, to ward off any other man who though he could do the same, and gave her the ability to turn them to stone if they still dared to try to hurt her. Athena provided her with a means of self defense. Medusa kept herself in solitude, lost in her trauma. Many men heard of this "monstrous gorgon" and sought to kill her for their own fame, and many failed. Medusa was a victim, who sought to be left alone and wished only to never be hurt again. </div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">That was <b>always</b> the story.</span></div><div><br /></div><div>Like in our modern culture, victim blaming and shaming is all too common. And when we, the survivors, wish only to be left alone in our pain and grief, we are ridiculed with "what were you wearing" and "were you drinking" and "boys will be boys" and "guys can't be raped" and "you were asking for it." and the disgusting rape jokes. <i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4m3AJamQYM">Knock knock. Who is it? Rape joke. Rape joke who? Rape joke who's not fucking funny.</a> </i>Female pain is still zealously glamorized in our modern society. Modern society tells us that a woman "losing her virginity" will feel pain, that a woman who has gone through tremendous pain and come out on the other side, seemingly unscathed, is a strong role model. That women who fit a specific visual body type are beautiful, despite having gone through painful dieting and exercise regimens. #Thinspo, <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/britchick-paris/the-a4-waist-challenge_b_9516560.html">the A4 paper challenge</a>, and other similar challenges trended for how long? The <i>Haus of Holbein's </i>"no one wants a waist over nine inches" has over 200 thousand videos on TikTok. If you're still unsure if the patriarchal-fueled victim blaming, know that the statue, which sits<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjW8L8ZJSneXHD8hiyeEHYDWfEICNcdPyHRNJqpd91_2FzRumPgr99m17MwZhBtVrLoTjmmLSRNLWkv2muXmC7kBfTEWJ7OU0okrLM5fq7mXAEf_7x_Q8NJv14uLRiDxkr0hE9WsyZsOoMVYfY4r02HTeEmLNiGHwZRGVj9MA2T_RmxFBLzcRPVgFnn=s2048" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjW8L8ZJSneXHD8hiyeEHYDWfEICNcdPyHRNJqpd91_2FzRumPgr99m17MwZhBtVrLoTjmmLSRNLWkv2muXmC7kBfTEWJ7OU0okrLM5fq7mXAEf_7x_Q8NJv14uLRiDxkr0hE9WsyZsOoMVYfY4r02HTeEmLNiGHwZRGVj9MA2T_RmxFBLzcRPVgFnn=s320" width="320" /></a></div><br /> outside the courthouse, has been vandalized twice. Then go talk to any survivor, because I guarantee every single one of them has experienced victim blaming. The #metoo movement came to life, with the image of Medusa, holding Perseus' severed head, leading the way. She symbolizes the triumph for assault victims. She stands as a reminder to all, to cast a harsh judgement on our society, and the rule that toxic masculinity uses to control our society.</div><div><br /></div><div>Since the statue's resurrection, I have not been able to get Medusa out of my head. She has been insistent that I pay attention. I am. Because I know what it's like to be an ignored victim, ridiculed and left as just another statistic. I'm listening mother Medusa. </div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">I hear your crying, as you hear mine.</span></b></div><div><br /></div><div>In my calling from Medusa, I wanted to represent her on my altar, so she would have a permanent, physical place in my daily life. A place where I would see her, every day, and know that we as victims, are not alone. The victims are her sacred children, and she hears our cries. I found it difficult to find a good representation of her. Through the patriarchal stories, she is described as a monstrous woman, sometimes with tusks, or a snake body, or a weird mashup of multiple creatures. Searching for<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiASt8nrA_uNUk59UtROSNXJ4Jx2F2o1S_aUt8AQJBQYWfXmtQ-FGyCwmN2K3FiM_ykty_1JMf-sw3tpbDTo29BcDb6-5EG0YUJCPGwSkr9tDtS9aZ7MshxP4wt-apEtKwfdQh2woCw4PshNOIzqAkyJEEZzKH3KtlMVumEr4tsheqvalSEiSgJgNuW=s1440" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiASt8nrA_uNUk59UtROSNXJ4Jx2F2o1S_aUt8AQJBQYWfXmtQ-FGyCwmN2K3FiM_ykty_1JMf-sw3tpbDTo29BcDb6-5EG0YUJCPGwSkr9tDtS9aZ7MshxP4wt-apEtKwfdQh2woCw4PshNOIzqAkyJEEZzKH3KtlMVumEr4tsheqvalSEiSgJgNuW=s320" width="320" /></a></div> "medusa" online, mostly provided statues, and images of her severed head. Her head on coins, her head as a door knocker, t-shirts with her snarling face, busts of her head. How very....disgustingly ironic. It is just more of the gross glamorization of male violence. In my research, I ran across an interesting description of Medusa, prior to her trauma. She was described as a young, fair maiden, and her features were described as "fawn-like." That image stuck with me, and that is how I wanted her represented. Eventually, I found a statue of a young, nude maiden, on her knees, basking in her own glory. Her hands tangled in her signature snake-locks, and she stared hopefully into the distance. This was her. The depiction of Medusa that was most like her, how she <i>should</i> be seen, in all her glory. Not a monster, but as a woman. Eventually, I added a snake shaped ring to my daily wardrobe, to help keep her with me at all times. I catch myself fiddling with it as I'm lost in deep thought...even as I write this.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am blessed to have heard Mother Medusa's call. I am honored to be one of her sacred children. I am proud to call myself a Daughter of the Serpent. </div><div><br /></div><div>I hope more assault survivors hear her call, and can embrace themselves as her daughters and sons. In our trauma, there is one that will always understand; the fawn-like maiden, with snakes in her hair. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgS2gHsx_rAXFPx6EL2415Pv5DYlPQiVkDb14tidsW-RXifqma0s1Jy1lWd9whaabAW1_bgXmPcNq3LdMJGhRKguvHVDzkb0adLduNrgp3u10U--JDV7qBaj0ry8Yu_BFLgvcVUik07iYnoYmMsh_JU7zmvTt3LAgpxd_WZ4xPrN_HdnnekmlIXKEnk=s2048" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgS2gHsx_rAXFPx6EL2415Pv5DYlPQiVkDb14tidsW-RXifqma0s1Jy1lWd9whaabAW1_bgXmPcNq3LdMJGhRKguvHVDzkb0adLduNrgp3u10U--JDV7qBaj0ry8Yu_BFLgvcVUik07iYnoYmMsh_JU7zmvTt3LAgpxd_WZ4xPrN_HdnnekmlIXKEnk=w200-h200" width="200" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>More articles for further reading:</div><div><a href="https://www.dailyartmagazine.com/metoo-and-the-medusa-myth/">#MeToo and the Medusa Myth</a></div><div><a href="https://newrepublic.com/article/147303/reality-womens-pain">The Reality of Women's Pain</a></div><div><a href="chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/viewer.html?pdfurl=https%3A%2F%2Fscholarship.claremont.edu%2Fcgi%2Fviewcontent.cgi%3Farticle%3D1749%26context%3Dcmc_theses&clen=1775180">Why Don't I Look Like Her?</a></div><div><a href="https://www.patheos.com/blogs/agora/2019/06/phoenix-rising-reclaiming-medusa/">Phoenix Rising: Reclaiming Medusa</a></div><div><a href="https://teaandrosemary.com/the-goddess-medusa-myths-symbols-how-to-work-with-her/">The Goddess Medusa: Myths, Symbols & How To Work With Her</a></div>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-40746839332947212362022-01-20T14:08:00.002-05:002022-01-20T14:59:26.083-05:00Hecate the Crone, & the Wild Stallion Sleipnir<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">"Let her sleep, for when she wakes, she will move mountains" -Napoleon Bonaparte</span></p><p>Most nights, I don't dream. If I do dream, I don't remember them. Most nights.</p><p>The few dreams I do remember are usually very vivid and significant, and I spend a lot of time mauling them over. I've had a handful of spiritual dreams, and more often than not, they repeat multiple times over. Perhaps the spiritual would like to make it clear that this dream is important. <i><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Pay attention</span></i> they say.</p><p>A common thing among all these dreams, is how I see myself. I am never my present self. When the dreams first started, I saw her as a separate person, and I would watch her. Over time, with the sense that it is more a memory of the past, I've come to realize that she is me. Is she me in the future, or is she me in a past life?</p><p>She has long, wavy grey hair that hangs just below her breasts. She always wears a long flowing skirt and loose tunic styled top. Her boots are always worn leather, with bits of dirt and mud that allude to her travels and journeys. Often times she wears a knitted shawl over her shoulders, usually when it is particularly windy. Her cheeks and nose are usually rosy from the wind or cold, but I've never seen her in a coat or gloves. When I look in her eyes, dull from age alone, I can see flashes of her life. A full life, fulfilled. She has achieved each part of a wild woman's life cycle. She has been the maiden, with bright eyes and everlasting smile. She has been the mother, caring and nurturing a family. She is now, entering into her crone, with her eyes dull but still filled with life, grey hair, and crows feet when she recalls a beautiful memory. She is what I strive for, the person I want to be. </p><p>Many times, when I see her, she is looking out over the ocean. Wind whips at her hair, and she hugs her shawl around her. Sometimes she cradles herself as she loses herself in thoughts. Sometimes she holds her arms out wide and lets the wind cradle her. I've watched her walk up and down along the beaches, with the water lapping at her feet. Every so often she will reach down to pick up a seashell. I've seen her look out over rocky cliffs, into the distant sea, with the sun glistening in her wise eyes. </p><p>Over time, the perspective has changed, and I've become her. Looking across the horizon through her eyes, feeling the wind tug at my skirt and grey hair. Feeling my wrinkles play across my face as I recall a fond memory. I am her. She is me. </p><p>Over time, I've recognized this is a call from Hecate, seeing myself having achieved my life cycle of Maiden, Mother, Crone. </p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Thank you Hecate.</span></p><p><i>Recently, I've had another spiritual dream. I am in my Crone self, standing at the edge of the ocean. It is frozen with the dead of winter. Everything is covered in snow. There's at least a foot, if not more, of snow on the ground, and the wetness is wicking up my skirt, weighing it down. To my right is the edge of the forest. The trees are bare, but dense. Everything is white winter. </i></p><p><i>At the edge of the forest, a huge white horse appears. He is as white as the snow, save his pitch black eyes and flaring nostrils. I can only make out his white form against the grey bare trees. He watches me, standing still as our eyes meet.</i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiGU6bfyrQcr5DjlUnv8LK8wXExknogOLiHXHtCMHZ2X0yPa-WM21qgymqOO8VCtjXGjOlmXR7SgASksYhTwscPr8IOPwiQNqAxxemI3VCWTbc5jfC7w14n4w-Kf3pqbSOgb1DMY_tCjHoAqj5EA9mE_VM8AE46prOUnw4ZPbhuTVEsn1kwDmf_xF6M=s2048" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Sleipnir" border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiGU6bfyrQcr5DjlUnv8LK8wXExknogOLiHXHtCMHZ2X0yPa-WM21qgymqOO8VCtjXGjOlmXR7SgASksYhTwscPr8IOPwiQNqAxxemI3VCWTbc5jfC7w14n4w-Kf3pqbSOgb1DMY_tCjHoAqj5EA9mE_VM8AE46prOUnw4ZPbhuTVEsn1kwDmf_xF6M=w320-h320" title="Sleipnir" width="320" /></a></i></div><i><br /></i><p></p><p><i>The white horse breaks into a run, heading directly towards me. A cloud of dusty snow stirs up behind him, and small clumps of snow spray out from under his thundering hooves. Though the snow is deep, he seems to have no trouble making his way through. The cloud of snow intensifies and his legs disappear in it. The wind whips at his long mane and tail.</i></p><p><i>Though this massive horse is running, full speed at me, I am not afraid. I watch him, more in awe than anything else, marveling at his beauty. I am cradling myself, getting lost in his black eyes.</i></p><p><i>As he nears me, time slows to half speed, and he approaches me almost in slow motion. I am lost in my own reflection in his glassy black eyes as he passes by me. The wind from his running rolls off of him and passes through me, combing at my hair. I break my stare with him, and glance down as his flanks and rear pass me. He has eight legs. Sleipnir. </i></p><p><i>Once past me, time returns to normal, and he gallops into the distance, disappearing into the cloud of snow that trails him.</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">+-+-+</span></p><p>Dreams are always up for interpretation. With this new dream, I've done my best to analyze what I can, but I'm no dream expert.</p><p>It seems that dreaming of Sleipnir is usually interpreted as moving forward towards a goal. Sleipnir always carried Odin to destinations that Odin <i>needed</i> to go to, not necessarily where Odin <i>wanted</i> to go. Dreams of Sleipnir tend to be associated with journeys, travel, growth, advancing to new heights, overcoming obstacles, swiftness, strength, adventure, and prophecy. Some sources pose that Sleipnir can act as a reminder that collaborating with friends and allies, to be successful and reach goals. That some paths are better not walked alone. </p><p>Some things to keep in mind that I find particularly odd, relating to this specific dream:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #6aa84f;">In my dream, Sleipnir was white. Usually he is depicted as black, or dark in color. </span></li><li><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Sleipnir is usually depicted as a Clydesdale. To me, though he was still absolutely huge, he was not a Clydesdale.</span></li><li><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Sleipner came to my dream alone, like a wild stallion. According to Norse Mythology, he is never really seen without Odin. Odin was not present in my dream.</span></li><li><span style="color: #6aa84f;">He is insanely fast, according to the mythology. He could quickly cross over 9 different realms, and was the only animal able to willingly enter Hel. So then why, in my dream, did time slow down when he approached and passed me?</span></li></ul><div>Is there a connection to Sleipnir and my Crone? Between Sleipnir and Hecate? The water in my dream was frozen in winter. Does that have meaning? Does winter itself have meaning to all this? Why would Sleipner be depicted so differently in my dream than in the traditional Norse Mythology?</div><div><br /></div><div>Of course, any insight would be greatly appreciated. I will certainly be pondering over this for a while.</div><p></p>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-2103948712404438052022-01-17T15:32:00.006-05:002022-01-17T15:32:46.342-05:00Hello 2022<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEidMqQByldFXNj4P3HAI9t11tJsykAtq3xB8sz29FVpmyFXZowiwSwkVSCoE--9hZW5OsC_EKif1fJFEP5b30YWYYO497pmOW7zzmsrvltFcRH6PuB3BFYOXsg5N4FnXpSNfEqZyDzUU-63G4gNtuzuG54b8WY4oc3eLpTnx4uGLKh9ZC2VxHT4mRXE=s960" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEidMqQByldFXNj4P3HAI9t11tJsykAtq3xB8sz29FVpmyFXZowiwSwkVSCoE--9hZW5OsC_EKif1fJFEP5b30YWYYO497pmOW7zzmsrvltFcRH6PuB3BFYOXsg5N4FnXpSNfEqZyDzUU-63G4gNtuzuG54b8WY4oc3eLpTnx4uGLKh9ZC2VxHT4mRXE=w320-h320" width="320" /></a></div>Nothing like resurrecting the blog with the exact same photo it died on.<p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #93c47d;">Hey there. It's been a while.</span></i></p><p>In my decision to rediscover my "wild woman," I decided that I needed to start back here. The place I last truly saw her. On this blog.</p><p>So here I am. </p><p>Bear with me though. It's been a while since I've done this whole blog thing, I promise the whit and flair will come back in time. </p><p>So I guess hello 2022, this is my blog, we're excited to meet you.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">+-+-+</span></p><p>If you've been around long enough, I'm sure you recognize the photo. At the beginning of the year, it usually emerges out of the archives, and is followed by it's fraternal twin photo that contains my own personal goals for the year. Don't worry, that photo is here too.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhzT842Jue_IlRzE_jUSk7vw_0T2UF91-dVU-3jq981KcUnIY4o_74fLw9ft_ewRWFfxxOSQnDXbCU5CyZJS0MD7bvQ0qIzh8v-jllt3aeH8fJA7Ue-Iz9aCGOTJNrrMYUm01JBS7xFtGSxYect8IpQfkTymr1fIJB6ywqLLetNV_biHOZyh5gXpxNW=s1080" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhzT842Jue_IlRzE_jUSk7vw_0T2UF91-dVU-3jq981KcUnIY4o_74fLw9ft_ewRWFfxxOSQnDXbCU5CyZJS0MD7bvQ0qIzh8v-jllt3aeH8fJA7Ue-Iz9aCGOTJNrrMYUm01JBS7xFtGSxYect8IpQfkTymr1fIJB6ywqLLetNV_biHOZyh5gXpxNW=w320-h320" width="320" /></a></div>Poof! Just like that, here it is. <span style="color: #93c47d;">==></span><div><span style="color: #93c47d;"><br /></span></div><div>So, as a recap, what the heck are these two? Well, they're Pagan Goal Sheets. Obviously, they use a pentagram as a template, and then each point of the star has its corresponding section for goals. For the sake of space and cleanliness, I only put three goals per section, but you can put as many as you want! I definitely have more goals than these, but three per section fits the best for visual purposes.</div><div><br /></div><div>At the top we have <b><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">Spirit</span>, </b>and next to it, our spiritual goals. Here we can put all the goals we have for our spiritual self, for our practice and craft, and anything that may help us along our spiritual journey.</div><div><br /></div><div>Moving clockwise (because we want the year to be a positive one), we have <b><span style="color: #ffe599;">Air</span></b>, and it's corresponding section. This is for our career and work related goals. Do we want to get a promotion? Find a job? Finish a big project, or just catch up on tasks? All those goals go here.</div><div><br /></div><div>Next is <b><span style="color: #e06666;">Fire</span></b>, for our relationship goals. Do we want to increase intimacy with our partner(s)? Go on dates? Get engaged/married? What about relationships with our friends? Do we want to make a new friend, go on friendly outings? What about our relationship with ourselves? How can we improve our relationship with ourselves?</div><div><br /><div>Then there is <b><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">Water</span></b>. This is for our health and fitness goals. Are we working on eating healthier? Cutting out sweets? Are we trying to quit smoking? Be more active? Do we have a weight loss goal? Is our goal simply to remember to take our medicine and have mental health days?</div><div><br /></div><div>Lastly, there's <b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Earth</span></b>. Here we have our goals for our home. Are we remodeling something this year? Moving? Are we working on our bills or debts? Are we separating our living from someone else, due to "leaving the nest" or divorce/separation? Are we upgrading our vehicle? Decluttering? All that goes here.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now look at all your sections. What do all your goals have in common? For me, it's a general improvement of my quality of life. This is my <b><span style="color: white;">Central Goal</span></b>. This is the goal that all these other goals lead me towards. What's your central goal?</div><div><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #93c47d;">"Can I use this to build my own goals?" </span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #93c47d;"><br /></span></i></div><div style="text-align: left;">Duh. That's what its here for. In fact, if you <a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GaUdrH6OHG-flsFsc-YFt3CcTw39KhMC/view?usp=sharing" target="_blank">click here</a>, you can get a blank copy to fill out with your own goals. I got you!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">+-+-+</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">(Now I'm going to talk about my own personal goals. So if you're not ready for NBP to ramble on and be an open book, you can duck out now.)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Spiritual Goals:</span></h3><p>Let's start with my goal "resurrect blog." What does that entail? Well, in general, I'd like to be more active on this blog, like it once was. If you didn't know, NBP does have a Facebook page, as well as Pinterest page. There's links to these in right side bar, under my face. There's also the NBP_Booksage Instagram page there too, which I referenced in <a href="https://natureboundpagan.blogspot.com/2019/08/the-literary-pagan.html" target="_blank">this post</a>. Some other updates that silently happened right before the activity on this blog died:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Quote of the day - also found under my face, this quote probably won't change daily, but I'd like to update it frequently.</li><li><a href="http://natureboundpagan.blogspot.com/p/so-you-wanna-be-witch.html">So You Wanna Be A Witch</a> - a tab up top that is still under construction, but is functional. Here you'll find buttons for different resources to help you on your own spiritual journey. These buttons are currently listed, and you'll see that 3 of them still say "coming soon." Sorry, "soon" wasn't actually....soon. But anyway, the list will eventually go away, once all the buttons are active. For now you get list and buttons.</li><li>My face - hey look, my face is on the blog now! I hope it gives a more personal vibe now that you can put a face to the blog. For a long time, due to personal reasons, I didn't feel comfortable even alluding to my gender, let alone actually showing my identity. If you have been here a while, I used the pseudonym "Sam" because it was gender neutral. Eventually, I started using my spiritual name <a href="http://natureboundpagan.blogspot.com/2019/05/spiritual-names.html">"Treya."</a> Now you get my face!</li><li>Some other random layout changes - this included updating the blog logo at the top, listing pages that the blog has been featured on at the bottom, and other changes I'm sure I've done forgot.</li></ul><div><br /></div><div>So, other than more activity/posts on the blog, some other goals I have that I'd like to achieve with this blog are:</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Finalizing the buttons for <a href="https://natureboundpagan.blogspot.com/p/so-you-wanna-be-witch.html">So You Wanna Be A Witch</a></li><li>Create more free material for blog followers to use and apply to their own spiritual journey - I don't know if you knew this, but all the graphics and material on this blog are made by me</li><li>More social media activity </li><li>Personal pantheon information - who do I worship as an eclectic pagan, how do I worship, how am I building relationships with my deities</li><li>Landing page - like a welcome matt to my little home here</li><li>New journal prompts</li><li>More personal updates - I've gone long enough in the spiritual closet. I'm ready to bust out.</li></ul><div><br /></div><div>In my quest to achieve these goals I have for this blog, I know it will also help with my goal of more "self study." I've been pretty lax on my own studies and practices. I really need to get back into the habits, and I'm hoping this blog will help with finding my inspiration and love for my own craft.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>As far as my third goal, "build friendships within the practice / coven work," well that's going to take some outside work too. I'm sure this blog can help build some online friendships, as I do seem to have a small handful of followers and (mostly) positive comments about how helpful they've found this blog. But I also want to get into the local pagan scene. I'm interested in maybe joining a coven, or starting my own? Don't get me wrong, solitary practice has been good to me, but I'm ready to at least have fellow pagans to talk to and relate to.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Career & Work Goals</span></h3><div>Out of the three goals I included in this section, two of them are the exact same year to year. "Take more photos" and "start freelancing graphic design." I've been making steps on these goals every year, but neither of them are where I'd like them to be, and thus, they continue. One of my professional jobs is a wedding photographer. I am a second shooter, so I shoot under someone, but eventually I'd like to actually be the primary photographer. Where I really need to focus my photography is in my personal life. For personal reasons, I stopped taking photos of my kid. I couldn't share them with anyone, and so I just fell out of the habit of doing them. I have photos of my kid on my phone, but I don't have good photos for the past 7 years or so. Parent fail.</div><div><br /></div><div>I also have a few years of photo edits to do, just to have material I can put in my portfolio. Any photographer who says their photos don't need ANY editing, is a liar. I'd like to catch up on my wedding photo edits.</div><div><br /></div><div>Another goal I have is homeschooling. Ultimately, this is more of a long term goal that I recognize probably wont be achieved at all. My child is 4th grade, and I really wouldn't want to homeschool in high school. So there's only a few more years left. This goal would require a huge career change for me to be able to achieve, and as it stands right now, I cannot afford to not work, or work part time. Sorry kiddo, for now you have to go to school.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Relationship Goals</span></h3><div>Something crazy happened in the middle of Covid 2020. I met this guy, and we've been seeing each other (on and off, but mostly on) since June 2020. It's been up and down. There have definitely been bumps in the road and obstacles we've had to overcome, but I'm entering 2022 with this relationship. </div><div><br /></div><div>Something even crazier happened at the end of 2021. That guy and I met a girl. And together, we decided to bring her into us as well. We are a poly triad now, and with that comes new paths that I haven't had much experience with. My guy is Norse Pagan, my girl is not but she's aware of our spirituality and is super supportive. (Moving forward, in respect of their privacy, I will be referring to him as DD, and her as Fox.) I'm both excited and nervous for this new path of the three of us. Our little triad. So goal "build on current relationships" is a go.</div><div><br /></div><div>I dislike the term "throuple" because I feel it has become more of a trend, and isn't respected for what it is by the people jumping on the trend. That, and it makes me feel like I'm talking with my mouth full when I say it. So we are a trio. A triad. A powerful triangle. Triple Moon.</div><div><br /></div><div>When it comes to my relationship with myself, I have some serious work to do. Ugh. I don't wanna. That's a lot of work, and I just don't wanna. But I know I have to, and I know its going to be hard. So I'm going to do it, but I'm going to be a grump about it. I have some pretty intense personal issues (PTSD, anxiety, stress induced seizures, migraines, chronic pain, body dysmorphia, depression, etc.) that complicate this whole thing. But I know I have to work on it. For myself. I really have to fall in love with myself, and rediscover my "<a href="https://www.wildwomendo.co.uk/blog/defining-wild-woman">wild woman.</a>"</div><div><br /></div><div><u><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: inherit;">Wild Woman:</span></u></div><div><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">wīldˈwo͝omən/</span></div></div></div><div><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: inherit;"><i>noun: </i>a woman who lives authentically, acting with a sense of creativity, passion, and courage, with the aim of expressing herself and ideas freely in order to live her truth</span></div><div><span 14px="" color:="" face="Roboto, arial, sans-serif" font-size:=""><br /></span></div><div>As for the final goal in this section, I'm sure all of you read "build user manual for myself" and went WTF? Am I right? A friend use to always joke that we had known each other for so long, he could write a user manual about me, and give it to any of my potential future partners. Well, when our little triad hit a specific hurdle recently, I thought, "what if I actually made the manual?" In it, I could list everything about myself: all my personal/health issues, things that can trigger me or cause flashbacks, my likes and dislikes, things I'm into (yeah, I'm kinky, get over it), and anything else that might be helpful for a partner to know about me. </div><div><br /></div><div>Think about it, how many times have you met someone new and they ask "well, what do you like to do?" and you're just left going "uhhhhhh........?" Like, clearly I know nothing about myself! The manual could help guide conversation when I'm asked those types of questions. </div><div><br /></div><div>I posed the idea to my partners, and they were super stoked and supportive. So I'd like to at least make templates for the three of us to fill out about ourselves, and we can each have our own manual. This would also allow me to use my graphic design skills!</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Health & Fitness Goals</span></h3><div>Usually, I have weight loss goal. Lose X amount of weight. I'm over it. I'm so fed up with inserting a number that I never end up achieving, and then getting super discouraged about it. For a while, I was making good progress on that goal, but then Covid happened, and it just didn't pan out. It required some pretty strict calorie counting, and I just despise calorie counting because it can so easily develop into an eating disorder, and I'm no longer about that life.</div><div>This time, it's not about the numbers. I hate math anyway, so less numbers, the better. This year its about being consciously healthy. I cut out soda pop a few years ago, but I still need to drink more water. Nothing will convince me to let go of coffee, so I just have to compensate that with extra water. Instead of cutting out sweets, I'm going to just try to be more aware of what I'm consuming, and try to make healthier food decisions. Instead of an extra side of carbs, have a salad. Instead of a large fry, just a small. </div><div><br /></div><div>I also want to increase my physical activity. It's hard right now with the weather being so cold. But I want to get back into walking. I'd love to work up to jogging, but since I had Covid a year ago, I'm not sure my lungs will allow that. We shall see. I think my dog would also benefit from the walks. He's becoming quite the "tootsie roll" too.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Home & Hearth Goals</span></h3><div>I still haven't bought a house. It's my top goal in this section, and has been for a couple years. Just when I thought I was financially in a place to really go for it, the housing market sky rocketed into oblivion, and suddenly, I'm not sure I'm in a good place financially to be able to afford it. </div><div><br /></div><div>DD and I have talked about going in on a place together, and I'd love to do that. I do still have some concerns that need address, and I'm not sure we will be able to do it in the timeline he wants, but I'm trying to make it work. I briefly mentioned Fox going in on it too, but that needs to be a more in depth conversation than we've been able to have yet. </div><div><span style="color: #202124;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div>Down the road, DD and I have talked about a pack house, where we could have our poly pack (more on this in a later post, I swear). I love this idea, and I look forward to being able to achieving this goal! Unfortunately, its a long term goal, not one for 2022 (most likely).</div><div><br /></div><div>In order to achieve this goal of buying a house, I really need to buckle down and work on my money management and self sufficiency. I don't want to depend on outside forces (other than my partners if we do get a place together), to keep me afloat. If I'm leaving the nest, I'm leaving the nest. I really need to work on my budget sheets, and reduce frivolous spending as much as I can. It's a working progress.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">+-+-+</span></div><div><br /></div>All of this is to improve my overall quality of life, and my kid's quality of life. When I start checking off these goals, I know I will find myself happier and healthier. <div><br /></div><div>2022, be kind to me. I have high hopes for you.</div><p></p>Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-50095214754590545492020-02-03T13:14:00.000-05:002020-02-03T13:14:59.658-05:00New Year GoalsNew Year Goals<br />
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<br />Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-38835330898259286382019-12-13T14:31:00.001-05:002019-12-13T14:31:52.846-05:00Reflections - End of the YearWhere did the year go?<br />
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Looking back, I'm not sure I've ever felt a whole year go by as fast as this one. Maybe it was the big changes, or the stress, or maybe it was the "go with the flow" attitude I've been maintaining. Whatever it was, I feel like just yesterday was March. Now it's early December and the new year is racing upon us.<br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Hello 2020, I hear you knocking.</span></h4>
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December is a time for reflection. It's the beginning of winter, and although the cold weather has only brushed us here or there, it is indeed time for winter reflections.<br />
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The winter months have always been the resting/sleeping months, where we take a break from life and let ourselves hibernate a bit. Often we use this time to plan. We plan for the coming year. <i>What goals will we make? What changes do we want to see? Which way do we want our future to go? And how do we make the next year "our year?"</i><br />
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But early winter isn't time for goal setting and resolutions and planning. It is time for reflection.<br />
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I know it's easy to skip reflection and jump head first into the new year planning, but reflection is crucial if you want to achieve any of the things you're planning.<br />
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Ask yourself how your year went. Reflect on what goals you set at the beginning of the year, and how you've accomplished them or made steps towards them. Where are you at in regards to your long term goals; the ones that last longer than one year? Recall your motivators throughout the year. When were you victorious? Where did you learn? How did you grow?<br />
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Keep your reflections positive. Instead of listing your failures, list what you learned when you did not succeed. Instead of recalling bad memories, inquire how you can replace them with positive ones. Instead of seeing how far you still have to go, see how far you've come.<br />
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What will you discover in your own reflection?<br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">My Reflection:</span></h4>
In 2019, I have gone from a dead-end job where I struggled to find reasons to enjoy, to a full-time position making more money and in a positive environment. I have had more quality time with family members and friends. I have resurrected this blog from its frozen state, and have drafted new ideas and concepts I would like to include. I have nurtured the growth of my spirituality and identity.<br />
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In 2019, I have found that though beginnings can be difficult, they are necessary. I have found that I am what I make myself to be, and though outside forces sometimes effect how I act, I should not let them define who I am.<br />
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In 2019, I have volunteered my resources to help others in need. When I had nothing tangible to give, I offered a smile, a hug, and an ear to listen. I have offered advice when asked and needed. I have set aside time to check in on those who need a reminder that someone cares about them and wants them to succeed.<br />
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In 2019, I have dismantled my altar, reevaluated my spirituality, and dug deeper into what I want out of life. I have found that is is ok not to fit into a category, it is ok to be fluid, it is ok to be alone. I have discovered strength in solitude, light in darkness, wisdom in silence, and beauty in mundane.<br />
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In 2019, I have surrounded myself with positive people, uplifting words, inspiring sound, and a balance between me and the universe. I have opened myself to what may come, and discarded things that were holding me back. I've cleared away old, embraced the new, and at times I've flown by the seat of my pants.<br />
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In 2019, I've learned that all of this is ok. It's all valid.<br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Free Guided Worksheets:</span></h2>
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<br />Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-28808824864469588682019-10-08T11:34:00.000-04:002019-10-08T12:11:48.868-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One of the biggest mistakes a person can make in their craft is letting it overtake their life. It is easy to do, and I've yet to meet a witch who hasn't fallen victim to this concept in some way, at least once.<br />
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If you're new to the craft, it can be even easier to make this mistake. Watching new witches walk into metaphysical/new age shops and their eyes widen, their mouth gapes, sometimes you can hear the audible gasp. Yep, they're about to make this mistake.<br />
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Every witch wants to be able to own every shiny, fancy tool. They want every pretty tarot deck, every crystal, every statue, every book. They run through the list of tools they believe to be necessary: an athame, a cauldron, tarot deck, oracle deck, scrying bowls, mirrors, incense, statuary, leatherbound journal, pendulum, herbs, altar table, altar cloth, glass bottles and jars, runes, candles, crystal ball, chalice, sage... Suddenly your head is spinning.<br />
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By the time you leave the shop, you're $300 in debt because you bought overpriced tools, half of which you will probably never use, the other half you have no idea how to use.<br />
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Congratulations, you've fallen victim to the craft and the need to fit into the pop-culture "witch" label.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">ATTENTION WITCHES:</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Don't do this.</span></div>
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Seriously. Budget your craft. It's fine to buy your tools, but buy responsibly. If you don't have the finances to buy the shiny, pretty thing <i>and</i> pay your bills, either wait until you do, or find something in your budget.</div>
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A lot of tools you think you're going to need, you'll never actually use. A lot of tools you will <i>actually</i> use can be found cheaper than at the overpriced metaphysical shop on the corner.</div>
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Below are some helpful tips for budgeting your craft:</div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Thrift Shops</span></h3>
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Check your local thrift shops for items such as mirrors, glass bottles and jars, silver cups, candlesticks and candles. You may even be able to find a nice table to use as an altar, herbs, and other items. Remember that if you're shopping from a used store, you'll want to cleanse your items of any previous energies before you use them or introduce them to your craft space. </div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Craft Stores</span></h3>
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Head over to your local arts and crafts store for jars, cords/twine, charms, cloth for your altar, sticks of cinnamon, wooden boxes, and more. This may require a bit of creativity on your part, but it opens up the possibility of customizing things to fit your personal needs and style.</div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Dollar Stores</span></h3>
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No joke. A lot of dollar stores have candles, incense, mirrors, jars, salt, glass stones, journals, and more. These stores can be the ultimate treasure trove for budgeting witches.</div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Nature</span></h3>
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There is no reason you're paying for sticks, feathers, stones, shells, and flowers. Just go outside. Walk through your local park. I can see buying specific crystals, but otherwise, if nature made it, get it directly from the source.</div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Home</span></h3>
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Many things you can find in your own home. An old nightstand, end table, or even a shelf on your bookcase can be an altar. Old scarf or scrap fabric can be an altar cloth. Glass jars or cups. Maybe a wine glass for a chalice. Kitchen knife for an athame. Open your cupboards and find your spices and herbs. Table salt. A hand held mirror for scrying. A nice sized soup pot would work for a cauldron. Do you have candles on hand? You'd be surprise how much you already have. Why buy it twice?<br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Garage/Yard Sales</span></h3>
One man's trash is another's treasure! You never know what you might find discarded by your neighbor. Even a quick "dumpster dive" can be fruitful. Many people throw away old furniture when they've replaced it with something newer. Who knows, maybe you'll find your new altar. Remember that if you're using previously owned items, you'll want to cleanse your items of any previous energies before you use them or introduce them to your craft space.<br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Other Tips:</span></h3>
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<b>Substitutions</b><br />
<ul><ul>
<li>Rosemary can replace any herb</li>
<li>Roses can replace any flower</li>
<li>Clear quartz can replace any crystal</li>
<li>White can replace any color</li>
<li>A photo or name written on a piece of paper to replace hair/nails/blood</li>
<li>Ziplock bags can replace glass jars</li>
<li>Oil diffusers or wax warmers can replace burning incense </li>
</ul>
</ul>
<b>Do It Yourself</b><br />
<ul><ul>
<li>Needle and thread = pendulum</li>
<li>Any deck of cards can be used for divination...even Pokemon cards</li>
<li>Any mirror can be used for scrying</li>
<li>Empty old candle jars to reuse (pour boiling water into the jar to loosen wax for easier removal)</li>
<li>Use coffee filters to make your own herb bags</li>
<li>Use old lipbalm/chapstick containers to hold potions</li>
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<span style="color: #cccccc;">**As I think of more things, I'll definitely add them to this post, so stop back for more tips and tricks!**</span></div>
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Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-18253271351408814362019-10-07T12:36:00.000-04:002019-10-07T12:36:42.940-04:00Monthly Outlook - October<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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October is for embracing your darkness, finding your own path, and facing your fears.<br />
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The darkness of October calls to you like a deep and haunted forest; the tree branches beckoning to you, urging you close. Despite the eerie darkness and the likelihood of getting lost, you press on.<br />
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You have to. It's time.<br />
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It's time to grow.<br />
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You have to face your fears, face the darkness that lies ahead. You've been taught that fear can keep you safe, but it can also limit you. It can prevent your evolution, your growth. It can take away your potential.<br />
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Abandoning fear doesn't lead to recklessness because fear does not tell you something is legitimately dangerous and should be left well enough alone. You don't avoid touching hot coals because you're afraid of getting burned, but rather because you know better. You know it is unwise, and that is different than fearing it.<br />
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Facing your fears this month is going to require more than just that. It's time to embrace them. Do not let fear hinder your growth. Face the fear by embracing it's challenge. Don't just go to the party, dress to slay the party. Don't just ask about getting a raise, inform you're work efforts are worthy of it. Don't just send your crush a love poem, ask them out on a date.<br />
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Be revealed. Be judged. Be seen. Be proud of your fear, and own it. Don't let it own you. Having fear makes you human. It helps you grow. Grow into all your magnificent glory by conquering your fear.<br />
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No matter the fear, whether it seems rational or not, take it seriously. It is there to help you grow. All those little insecurities that seem so pointless, are valid and no less important than greater fears. Each of them have their role to play in your growth. Each of them is a stair of which to climb, step by step, to your life goals.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3-L325nfpo8c9rBpY2jBOP_MgNCXfTKzx1Vb0OlwaTrASI65scQCcHQ_0SFrXWc_ux5wA39HF8C9FXoKaO_oLzyC3M-GdxQzvdVCjclxO140x2FDRrVbsMV5Fh1jTDGwQjJyNzYw9kyQ/s1600/71869733_664662317359796_5782538393019744256_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3-L325nfpo8c9rBpY2jBOP_MgNCXfTKzx1Vb0OlwaTrASI65scQCcHQ_0SFrXWc_ux5wA39HF8C9FXoKaO_oLzyC3M-GdxQzvdVCjclxO140x2FDRrVbsMV5Fh1jTDGwQjJyNzYw9kyQ/s200/71869733_664662317359796_5782538393019744256_n.png" width="200" /></a>How can you embrace your fears this month? Start with one, no matter how small, and embrace it as best as you can.<br />
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Enter the darkness of October and surprise yourself. Once you take that step into the lingering darkness, you'll find each step becomes a bit easier. You become a bit stronger. The your path becomes a bit clearer. The fear becomes a bit weaker.<br />
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Take the reins of your fears and ride them in style. Make those fears work for you. Make them do the grunt work. You are in charge here. You are the master. And you will emerge from October's darkness in magnificent glory.<br />
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Slay, you witch. Slay.<br />
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Please feel free to use the below monthly spreads for your journey.</h3>
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Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-54185439279453317012019-08-12T15:50:00.003-04:002019-08-14T11:30:37.102-04:00The Literary PaganAbout six months ago, I left my job at the local book store for bigger and better things. There are times I miss it, and today I had a moment that made me long for times ago when I found myself joyfully surrounded by book, and happily stocking up on photos of said books to throw on various social media platforms for my job. I really do miss doing that.<br />
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However, I have never regretted my decision to leave there, and I never will. There were many reasons for my departure - all very valid - but I mostly chalk it all up to "bigger and better things." It's not a lie; the job I currently hold is definitely bigger and better. But there were a vast amount of strikes that solidified my decision.<br />
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In the times I do miss it, I often find myself wandering the store again; this time as a customer. I'm always reminded of how right my decision is, and I always leave feeling more confident in my departure. But I cannot deny that there is a hole in my heart that can't be ignored.<br />
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That hole is for books. Being surrounded by them, being in awe of them, inspired by them - it just isn't the same when I'm not around them constantly, and my love for them, although not dwindled, has been ignored.<br />
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I happened to be nominated to participate in an Instagram challenge that involved sharing a photo of books that you love, every day for seven days. Easy enough. HA! Yeah, tell a book lover to pick just seven books, and you're asking for trouble.<br />
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Anyway, it sparked a photo-taking frenzy that has spiraled into the creation of an Instagram account dedicated completely to books. Yeah, I may be a little bit crazy, but it's a thing now.<br />
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Long story short, I wanted to share it with you, because I'm tying it to this blog via brand.<br />
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So humor me and check it out. Who knows, you may just find something that sparks your own interest and passion:<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/nbp_booksage/">@NBP_BOOKSAGE</a></div>
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<br />Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-83681754755499304632019-08-06T19:22:00.000-04:002019-08-06T19:22:37.718-04:00Monthly Outlook - August<div style="text-align: center;">
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August is for journeys. August is for beginnings. August is for confidence.<br />
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It is time to prepare for your journey this month. This is a journey you perhaps have long desired, but have felt unready to begin. Perhaps your journey is a physical one, or maybe it is a mental journey. On the outside, it may be straightforward: a change in relationship, or relocation. Or it may be more subtle: a commitment to self-growth, or spirituality. Your journey is personal, and only you can walk this path. It is always helpful to have support along the way, but no one can walk this path for you. It is your own.<br />
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No matter your journey's outward appearance, it will transform you, and have great life-changing and positive effects on you. There will, of course, be challenges along the way. You may experience situations that want to stifle your growth, but do no waver, even if you shake. Do not allow yourself to crumble no matter the weight of these situations. Take a moment to regain balance and clarity. Do not let these conflicting situations keep you from starting your journey. You are ready to begin. You need this.<br />
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<br />
Remove those thoughts that you may need more time, more growth; that you just aren't up for the challenge. You are. Do not allow your self-esteem to slip in these ways. Do not allow these thoughts to become so deeply ingrained in your identity that you cannot separate them from your true self. The self of confidence and pride and power. Wear this confidence like armor against negative egoist thoughts. Your confidence is your compass to finding your truth and divine place in this universe.<br />
<br />
Allow yourself to be open to the future of your journey. Let it flow through you. Let it mould and shape you into new divinity. You are growing and evolving into your best self. No matter the outcome, you will become the being you are meant to be, in the moment you are meant to be in. Allow yourself to become. Embrace change in it's exciting unfamiliarity. Be excited. Rejoice in the self-focused nature of your journey. Your journey is for you. You are special. You are the guest of honor.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrwOh7X2GFe6BET8He4YpwYANBiEQJIlQz2G3sffpSUhrYieeZlmq1_owabfyW_HTeneF4-IYEhKASyn1_goAZCDChP8ewRja0OQu5Jg3WBi7UEpstBwebvKpOcTbrfrIFmLNfEeN5teI/s1600/67752310_2361394140780134_7382187795499974656_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrwOh7X2GFe6BET8He4YpwYANBiEQJIlQz2G3sffpSUhrYieeZlmq1_owabfyW_HTeneF4-IYEhKASyn1_goAZCDChP8ewRja0OQu5Jg3WBi7UEpstBwebvKpOcTbrfrIFmLNfEeN5teI/s200/67752310_2361394140780134_7382187795499974656_n.png" width="200" /></a>Push procrastination away and allow yourself to evolve into this new, shining star. Now is the time. Not tomorrow. Not in a free moment. Not in a few minutes. Not after more development. Right now. In this very moment. You are ready. Take your first step. "I have done the work. I am beginning now. I am ready. This is my time. My journey." With this growing conviction, thrust yourself forward.<br />
<br />
This month, you will learn to wear your confidence every day, and every day, your own power shall grow. This month you will know, without question, that you are ready for this journey. No matter what may lay ahead, you are prepared. You have the strength. You have the determination. You have the power and the knowledge. Now is the time to dance and grow into the divine being; the shining star. Now is the time to embark on your journey.<br />
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<h3 style="text-align: center;">
Please feel free to use the below monthly spreads for your journey.</h3>
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<br />Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-43427441114808947522019-07-20T20:56:00.003-04:002019-08-04T19:52:59.366-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Have you figured out the difference between a Pagan, a Witch, and a Wiccan?<br />
<a href="http://natureboundpagan.blogspot.com/2019/06/which-witch-is-which.html"><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">If not, you might want to back up a bit.</span></a><br />
<br />
Do you know what kind of witch you are?<br />
<a href="https://natureboundpagan.blogspot.com/2019/07/which-witch-am-i.html"><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">If not it's ok, but you might want to check out this list.</span></a><br />
<br />
Do you know how to navigate the research you're about to start?<br />
<a href="https://natureboundpagan.blogspot.com/2019/07/navigating-research.html"><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">If not, definitely back up!</span></a><br />
<br />
Still confused on what you should and shouldn't do?<br />
<a href="https://natureboundpagan.blogspot.com/2019/07/dos-donts-of-craft.html"><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">Here's some tips!</span></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: small; font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: small; font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></div>
<h2>
<span style="color: #38761d;">Ok, now you can actually start your research.</span></h2>
<div>
Remember back in school, when you had to take notes on a given lecture? Well, sorry to give you flashbacks, but that's where we're headed.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Get out your notebook. A lot of your research notes can go into your Book of Shadows (if you wish to have such a thing, but it is not necessary if you don't want) in the future, but trust me when I say you want to just write them in a notebook for now. Once your notes are finalized, you can rewrite them in your Book of Shadows, so they are clean and legible and easy to follow. For now, chicken scratch and outline all you want. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Pen or pencil. Your preference really.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
I recommend starting by writing everything you currently know about Paganism. You can word map if you want, sometimes that's easiest. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Once you're done, start a new page.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Look into the history of witchcraft. </span></b></div>
<div>
What ancient cultures used witchcraft? What did their craft look like? What did they call witchcraft? What significant events happened during that time that effected Paganism and witchcraft? Expand on these events: what was the event about? How did they effect Paganism and witchcraft?<br />
<br />
What myths and legends evolved around that time that relate to Paganism and witchcraft? What were the myths and legends about? Who was involved? What area were the myths and legends from? What cultures were they from? Are these myths and legends still relevant today or have they been debunked?</div>
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<div>
Slowly progress through time, taking notes along the way. If it seems important, write it down. </div>
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<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Modern witchcraft. </span></b></div>
<div>
As you close in on modern times, look at different types of witchcraft. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Remember that list I wrote - if not, you can locate it <span style="color: #b6d7a8;"><a href="https://natureboundpagan.blogspot.com/2019/07/which-witch-am-i.html"><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">here</span></a> </span>- you're welcome to use it as a starting point, but see if you can expand it. Are there other types? Are there other important things you should know about the ones listed?</div>
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<br /></div>
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Who are some famous Pagans and witches in modern times? Who are some famous Pagans and witches of times past? Is there a person you believe is a Pagan/witch? Why? </div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Deities</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Research deities of different Pagan religions. Who are they? What do they look like? What are they associated with? How are they worshiped? What about them has changed from ancient times to modern times? Are they similar to other deities in that faith? Are they similar to other deities in other faiths? Draw them or attach an image of the deity to your notes.</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Tools</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Research tools that are commonly used in Pagan practices and witchcraft. What is the tool called? What does it look like? How is it used? Does it's use differ from ritual to ritual? Does it's use differ from culture to culture or religion to religion? Why is it used this way? Where did the use of the tool originate from? Draw the tool, or attach an image of the tool to your notes.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Nature</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Research ways that nature impacts Paganism and witchcraft. How does the craft rely on nature? What is astrology? Herbalism? Grounding? Has the impact nature has on the craft changed over time? How can witches use nature without hurting nature? How can a witch give back to nature? How is nature used in spellwork? </div>
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<br /></div>
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Research commonly used herbs in witchcraft. What is the herb? What does it look like? How is it used? Is it poisonous? Does it react with other herbs/ingredients? Can it be ingested? What is it associated with and why is it used this way? Where is it from? Is it native to your area? Draw a picture of the herb, or attach an image of it to your notes.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Research grounding techniques. When should grounding be used? How can you tell when to use grounding? What does grounding accomplish?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Research minerals and stones. What is the stone called? What does it look like? How is it used? What is it associated with? Where can it be found? Does it need to be charged and/or cleansed? How do you charge and cleanse it? Draw a picture of the stone, or attach an image of it to your notes.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Research the moon, planets, and stars. What is the star called? Where is it located? How do you find it in the night sky? What is associated with the star? Is it included in a constellation and/or astrology? How can it be incorporated in the craft? What is the planet called? What does the planet look like? Where is it located? Can you see it with the naked eye? What is associated with the planet? What does "retrograde" mean and how does it affect the craft? How does retrograde effect people? What are the moon phases? How does the moon affect the craft? Does the affect change depending on the moon's phase? Draw photos of the stars, constellations, and planets, or include images of them in your notes.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Research color. What is associated with each color? How is it used? Can it be incorporated in spellwork? How does it affect spellwork? How does it affect mood? Include the color in your notes.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Spells</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Research different types of spells. How do spells work? Can you assign labels to them? What is the difference between a spell, potion, curse, and hex? How have spells changed through time? What were common ingredients used in ancient spells? Can ingredients be substituted? How are spells depicted in the media? Has their depiction changed over time? When should you use spells?<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Symbols</span></b><br />
Research common symbols used in witchcraft. What is the symbol called? What does it represent? When is it used? Where did it originate? Can it be associated with other symbols? How is the symbol used? What are runes? What are sigils?<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Divination</span></b><br />
Research methods of divination. What is divination? How does divination work? What does divination accomplish? What is palmistry? What is scrying? What are tools used in divination? Tarot cards? Pendulums? Ouija boards? Crystal balls? Tea leaves? Draw the tools or include pictures of them in your notes.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Elements</span></b><br />
Research the elements. What are the four elements? Is there a fifth? What is associated with the elements? How can they be represented in witchcraft? What element seems to call to you the most? The least?<br />
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<h3>
<span style="color: #38761d;">Keep Going!</span></h3>
<div>
Don't stop here. You want as much information as you can find. Cross reference it as much as you can. Remember this is just a basic starting list. This is not the end of research. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Find a method of researching that works for you. Word mapping, color coating, diagrams, etc. It's up to you to put the effort into your craft.</div>
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<h3>
<span style="color: #38761d;">Good luck and happy researching!</span></h3>
</div>
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<div>
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Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-27367752373049288692019-07-08T09:55:00.001-04:002019-07-08T10:19:53.609-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If you're new on your Pagan path, you may be feeling overwhelmed with information. Just when you thought the hard work of discovering your witchy self was over, you're now realizing the vast amount of work that still lays ahead of you. I mean, certainly congratulations on your spiritual discovery, but now what?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #b6d7a8;">Where do you start? Where do you fit in? Where do you go from here?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
If you ask any Pagan or witch where to start, they'll tell you to start with research. Sure, that seems logical, but precisely where? Do you just do some quick keyword searches on the internet? Join some witchy discussion groups? Do you camp out in a library's occult section? Order some books through Amazon Prime? Ebooks? What sources are credible? Do you have to stick to specific Wiccan based books? Can you branch out? Should you focus on the history of witchcraft? Should you focus on how to cast a circle and grounding and moon phases? What about a Book of Shadows? Should you read those? How do you even find one? And what should you be doing with all this research? Should you be taking notes? Should you photocopy passages? Is there a test?</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
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<h4 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">(Insert record scratch)</span></h4>
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<br /></div>
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Hold up. </div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
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Take a deep breath.</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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Now take my hand.</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<h2 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #b6d7a8;">
The start of the start.</span></h2>
<div>
Before jumping into your research, you'll need to put on your skeptic hat. The more research you do, the more aware you'll be that you can't take everything verbatim. You need to question the validity of what you are reading. It will be entirely up to you to decipher what is useful and true, and what is false and/or stolen. Some information may challenge your personal ethics and morals. Some information may make you question and reevaluate your own beliefs and spirituality. It can get very confusing very fast. This is why it's necessary to cross-reference, and be critical in your research.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">When was the book written?</span></b></div>
<div>
If you're looking into used books, you'll find a lot of older titles with yellowed and worn pages. Older sources of material can be very useful and packed with wonderful resources, but they can also have a lot of problematic and concerning areas: racism, misogyny, homophobia, cultural appropriation, etc. Yes, even newer sources can struggle with these topics too, but it seems to be a more prominent issue in dated material. Sure, it could have been a sign of the times, but keep in mind that times have changed, and the viewpoints in these books are not necessarily the same viewpoints in the modern day community.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Who wrote the book?</span></b></div>
<div>
Authors can be biased. Just like anyone else. They are only human, you know. If an author claims that this is the number one, know-all resource, they're lying. There is no one way of the craft, so there cannot be one know-all resource. What works for you, may not work for someone else. Authors may try many different tactics to get readers to buy their stuff. They want your money. They may resort to these fictitious claims of having <i>the</i> book, or even lying about their heritage and knowledge to gain relevance in the modern community. They can use biased verbiage and opinions to set the stage for the rest of the book. Some books may seem very specific, but beneath the specific key words, it is generalized to fit many situations. It's meant to reach a multitude of readers, to sell more copies. Finding intensive specific information will require digging deeper into research. You're welcome to read these books, but be aware that when all is said and done, the author just wants your money, by any means necessary.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Has the beliefs of the author changed over time?</span></b></div>
<div>
They should! No one should ever be the exact same person as when they started out so many years ago. Your beliefs and spirituality should evolve as well. Reading material that was published 20 years ago may seem vastly different than current material by the same author. Sometimes you will grow away from an author as they - and you - change over time, and that's ok. If the source no longer serves you in your spiritual journey, you don't have to hang on to it because it once did. Nothing has to be permanent in your craft. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Can you cross-reference the material?</span></b></div>
<div>
It is human nature to error. It's natural, and it happens. Authors are not immune to this. But it is up to you to distinguish the mistakes from the useful information. Always cross-reference your research with scientific facts and historical texts. Again, don't take information verbatim, even if the author seems trustworthy. When cross-referencing, don't just cross-reference to other Pagan-based resources either. Reach outside the Pagan realm for cross-references; find sources that are not biased to Paganism and Witchcraft.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Can you say "cultural appropriation?"</span></b></div>
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Paganism has had a lot of issues with cultural appropriation. Though not always intentional, it is never ok to appropriate. Learn to spot appropriation when researching. Typical and common appropriations tend to come up on topics of: smudging, spirit animals, dream catchers, totems, chakras, ohms, voodoo, and karma. It is your responsibility to avoid cultural appropriation, and research what is accessible to you and what is not. If it is sacred to it's root origin/culture, then it is not open for you to use unless you fit the criteria of belonging to that origin/culture. If it is off-limits to outsiders, then I guess you're out of luck. If a source unintentionally appropriates, it is still "shame on them." They didn't do enough research to avoid appropriation. What does that say about them? It says they didn't care enough to do the research. It can be simple to avoid appropriation. If you can't work around the culture, and respect their rituals as sacred and private, then you should avoid using the ritual at all.</div>
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<span style="color: #b6d7a8;">Example: The act of smudging is a sacred ritual to numerous Native American tribes. Unless you are an initiated member of their tribe(s), you are not actually smudging when you wave that sage stick around, and it is not your right to claim that you are. However, you can participate in the act of "smoke cleansing" without appropriating Native American cultures. It doesn't make the smoke any less valid just because it isn't used in a sacred smudging ritual.</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Witchcraft and Wicca are the same, right?</span></b></div>
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Nope. They're not. They're totally separate things. Not all witches - those who practice witchcraft - are Wiccans, but all Wiccans are witches. You can be a witch without being Wiccan. Confused? Many authors are too. You may find that some authors continuously interchange the terms "witchcraft" and "Wicca." It doesn't mean all their research is garbage, you just have to figure out which witch they're talking about. Keep it in the back of your head as you research, that sometimes when an author says "Wicca" they mean "witchcraft." Ask yourself, "is this truly a Wiccan thing, or is this general witchcraft?" If it's general, or uses phrases like "<i>the majority of</i> Wiccans," or "<i>some</i> Wiccan," then it's probably more about witchcraft than Wicca. Remember that the Wiccan beliefs do not apply to all Pagans and witches. Never assume that someone is Wiccan just because they are Pagan or practice witchcraft; that's stereotyping. Not everyone believes the Threefold Law and the Wiccan Rede. </div>
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<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">What's this devil magic?</span></b></div>
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Some Pagans and witches believe in the devil and use curses/hexes. Not everyone does, but those who do are still valid. There are many paths that believe in the devil of some form - Satan, Lucifer, the Witch's Devil, etc. - and they have every right. They have every right to worship such being as well as use curses or hexes. This doesn't mean every Pagan and witch believes such, and it certainly doesn't mean you have to. Remember, never do or believe anything that makes you uncomfortable or goes against your personal morals. Further, you can be what some call "curse neutral," and be open to the idea of curses/hexes as necessary balance, without partaking in the action. Whatever your personal decision on the devil and curses/hexes, those who believe in such exist and are valid.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">What about internet sources?</span></b></div>
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With the rise of the world wide web, internet sources are very bountiful. They can provide information and answers with the click of a button. However, internet sources have authors, and remember, authors can be biased. Blogs can be a huge asset to your studies, and provide relatable material, but they are nothing more than opinions and personal beliefs. Including this blog! In fact, if you scroll up, right under the big white box with my blog name, there's a bright green paragraph that no one ever reads (honestly, I need to find a better place for it). It's a disclaimer stating that everything you read on this blog is personal opinion and belief, and that nothing here should be taken verbatim. I don't have all the answers and I am not all-knowing. If my blog is helpful to you, great! If it's not, that's fine too! Outside of blogs, other online resources can be relatable and seem well-researched, but can still fall victim to being biased. Ask yourself "is this an opinion, or is this completely cut and dry?"</div>
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<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">What about real life experiences?</span></b></div>
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As great as book research is, it cannot replace real life experiences. Sometimes you just have to get your hands dirty, and try something for yourself. Some people learn better this way. Besides, practice makes perfect, right? The more you actually practice your craft, the better your outcomes will be, and the better your spiritual experience will be. Often times, we - myself included - forget that "craft" is a part of "witchcraft." It's easy to practice your craft on a regular basis, fuel by sheer determination alone, when you're first starting out. Trust me, as you continue through time, the "crafting" aspect can easily get lost in the mundane day-to-day hustle and bustle. Your spirituality is what you make it, and that means what you <i>physically</i> make it as well. Don't solely rely on book research.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">So these resources are just garbage?</span></b><br />
Not at all. Just because a resource's author has problems and those problems may or may not be displayed in their work, doesn't mean there isn't valid information in them as well. You just have to sort through it all first. This is why it can be so confusing to those just starting their research. Cross-referencing with multiple sources will help you sort through it all and decipher what is fact and what is not. There can be an immense amount of useful information if you learn how to read it critically. This is why it's so important to learn how to navigate the research.<br />
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Are you ready to <i>actually</i> start your research?</span></h2>
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Grab your pens and pencils, your highlighters and papers, and follow me!</div>
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Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-42531366811354303812019-07-03T09:49:00.001-04:002019-07-03T10:36:42.726-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcvuJxbS6jsMcAWPP4a3Pk0B5HaCzldc93b1Nhtim7kDID8lgWikGpJGPDPd9Zk16u44bR4eDutthHsUhcoKMQ4Zjs2TXzvYjyqtEoNKabHTxDXq_zEOZ6-cfB9fxG8fY5vx0_BODBy8A/s1600/0DD07857-8CEB-4CC7-B43A-B42B13EF3EDC.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcvuJxbS6jsMcAWPP4a3Pk0B5HaCzldc93b1Nhtim7kDID8lgWikGpJGPDPd9Zk16u44bR4eDutthHsUhcoKMQ4Zjs2TXzvYjyqtEoNKabHTxDXq_zEOZ6-cfB9fxG8fY5vx0_BODBy8A/s320/0DD07857-8CEB-4CC7-B43A-B42B13EF3EDC.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b style="color: #93c47d;">DO</b><span style="color: #93c47d;"> the research</span></h3>
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I cannot stress this enough. The amount you get out of your spirituality vastly depends on the amount of work you put into it. Read the books; not just the history books, read the myths, the poems, the lore. Look into the science and philosophies. Go to the library. Take detailed notes that are good enough you can look back to them later on. Break out those highlighters! Write down any questions you may have, and give yourself room to write answers as you find them. </div>
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DON'T feel required to fit into a witchy label</span></h3>
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Part of the beauty of the craft is that it can be individualized and unique to each practitioner. You don't have to fit into a category if you don't want to. You can pull from multiple areas to shape your craft into what works for you. If you don't feel called to worship specific deities, then don't. If you don't have a connection, there is no need to incorporate into your practice. Don't force something that doesn't belong.</div>
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DO start a journal</span></h3>
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If you want to call it a "Book of Shadows," you can. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, a generic spiral notebook or a binder of loose leaf paper work just fine. Write down what you find interesting and what you are interested in learning more about. You can put your research and notes in here if you want. </div>
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DON'T do anything that puts you and others in danger, or makes you feel uncomfortable</span></h3>
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It can be easy to lose track of things when you're first starting out. Use your best judgment with what you read and what you're told. If something gives you a bad vibe or your gut is telling you to steer clear, then do just that. Don't join a coven if their practices/beliefs make you uncomfortable, don't perform a spell without researching all the ingredients and ensuring they are safe to use/digest. Back your studies with scientific research and common sense. Don't take anything for word without the research. Never let others make you feel uneasy or out of control in your craft. If something contradicts your own personal ethics, keep away from it. There's no cut-and-dry white or black magic, as magic's only restrictions are what you give it. You don't have to believe one way or another. Don't allow others to talk you into a craft that makes you uncomfortable.</div>
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DO stay organized</span></h3>
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Keep your workspace workable. That includes your mind. Your mind is your best tool. and just as an athame needs cleaned so it does not rust, your mind needs cleaned as well. Meditation is your friend and it will help you find yourself. Discipline yourself into daily entries in your journal. It will help your concentration, and build a ritual of a daily connection to your craft that will only strengthen your bonds to your spirituality.</div>
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DON'T fret over mistakes</span></h3>
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Try that new spell. Don't freak out if it doesn't work or doesn't go as planned. It happens to the best of us. Don't get discouraged. It's hard to start on your spiritual journey. It's hard to go at it when you feel alone (I'm looking at you Solitary Witches and Broom Closet babies). Mistakes are part of the growing process. This is a learning curve for you. You are <i>always</i> a student of the craft, and only <i>sometimes </i>a teacher. Age does not always reflect knowledgeability and wisdom. There is always something to learn and improve. Part of the learning process of anything is making mistakes. It happens. Learn from your mistakes and learn to forgive yourself for making them. </div>
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DO look at nature</span></h3>
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Pagan paths are very nature based. Bring home sticks and rocks and leaves and other artifacts of nature that attract your attention. Why did it attract your attention? Use these as topics for research. Spend time outside and don't be afraid to let nature call you into action. Talk to the wind, hug the trees and feel their energy, bathe in moonlight, hold a conversation with the birds. Don't worry about looking silly to others. You are deepening your connection to your spirituality, and it is awe-inspiring.</div>
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DON'T appropriate </span></h3>
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Many modern pagan paths are notorious for stealing - sometimes unintentionally - from closed cultures and religions. This is where your research will help guide you. Don't participate in rituals and acts that are sacred to their root cultures. Many of these cultures require only initiated or hereditary practitioners perform these sacred acts. They are off-limit to outsiders. Be respectful of this; if a culture does not want to share these things, you don't have a right to take them.</div>
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DO ask for guidance</span></h3>
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It's ok to need help. It's ok to ask for guidance. Make friends, join discussions, initiate into a coven if you feel called to do so. Just keep in mind that the craft varies from practitioner to practitioner, and everyone will have different views and beliefs. Don't be afraid to read a "Wiccan book" even if you don't practice Wicca. There is still a lot of good information in those books. Learn how to navigate through your research, and use a critical mind. It can be very easy to be drawn to wrong sources, so always cross reference. Learn to ask specific questions when you need help, and ask yourself questions as well. How does this information impact my beliefs and path? What of this information has meaning to me? Is this what I believe?</div>
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DON'T jump into anything head first</span></h3>
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Slow and steady. Give yourself plenty of time to figure out who you are and what you want in your spirituality. Don't hinder your development by rushing into spellwork because it's what Sabrina Spellman and Piper Halliwell do. Start with your basics and build a solid foundation that you can grow upon. A city built on sand will only slide into the sea. A city build on concrete will hold fast against the waves. Research covens before joining. Do their beliefs align with your own? Do they have credible references? Are you even in a position to be joining a coven?</div>
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DO be honest</span></h3>
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It is very easy to tell when someone is "full of it" and talking out of their backside. Be honest with what you know and don't know. Others will respect you more for being honest, than for you pretending to be someone you're not. You are <i>always</i> a student of the craft, and only <i>sometimes </i>a teacher. Be open to learn from others.</div>
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DON'T default to spellwork to fix practical problems</span></h3>
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Spells aren't always the answer. In fact, spells should be the last possible solution. Or it shouldn't be the solution at all. If you can fix the problem without spellwork - and 99% of the time you can - then you should. Don't be lazy and default to casting a spell because you don't want to put in the effort and responsibility of fixing it yourself. Understand how spells work. They don't magically give you a solution, they help enhance the solution you are actively working towards. Casting a spell to get a job isn't going to land you the job. You have to actively work towards it. You have to put in the application. Casting a spell to make you healthier isn't going to work unless actively see a doctor to help you. Ask yourself: what should I do to obtain the outcome I want? Only then should you ask: will spellwork help enhance the possibility of achieving this outcome? Spells will never <i>give</i> you the outcome, they will only <i>enhance the possibility </i>of achieving the outcome.</div>
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DO be open to change</span></h3>
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Ten years from now, your craft will look vastly different. As it should be. As you grow and evolve, so will your spirituality. Change can be healthy, so be open to it. Just because you don't follow a specific path right now, doesn't mean you should avoid it. If you feel drawn to a deity of another path, don't ignore it because it's not part of that set path. Let your craft be fluid, and take shape to whatever you are in that moment.<br />
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DON'T let your craft overtake your life</span></h3>
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We all want to have purpose; to be a part of something great. We know there is more to this world than we can see and comprehend. But that does not mean the life we live at the present moment, is less important. Your craft should help you with your present life; the here and now. It is not a fantasy world for you to escape to and hide from the present day. Granted, sometimes it is a nice distraction from daily life, you shouldn't spend all your time wrapped up in it. It's not worth losing friends because you're too busy with your craft to hang out with them. It's not worth calling off work to craft so often that you lose your job. It isn't worth spending money you don't have on supplies that you cannot pay your bills and take care of your family. Your craft does not have to cost you anything. You don't need all the fancy tools. You don't need every tool. Supplies and tools can cost a fortune and they add up quick. Give yourself time to figure out what you'll need daily, and invest in those items. You'd be surprised how much just sits and collects dust. Crafting on a budget is possible, and a lot of things can be found in your own backyard. There's no need to spend an arm and a leg for something you can find in the yard, or laying around your house.<br />
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DO revisit your spiritual stance</span></h3>
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Make time to come back to yourself. Make time to reevaluate your decision to follow your spiritual path. Do I still want to walk this journey? Do I still find joy in my craft and peace in my spirituality? Does my spirituality still align with my ethics and morals? If the answer to any of these is "no," then it's time to start over and go back to the research. Don't be afraid of starting over, it is part of the growth process. Reevaluate what you are doing in your practice that is no longer necessary or fulfilling. How can you bring that joy and peace back into your practice?</div>
Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-55027910234488845392019-07-01T12:06:00.001-04:002019-07-03T10:37:40.212-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #38761d;">Why Do People Become Pagan?</span></h2>
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Reasons why people chose to follow a pagan path vary from person to person. Some find themselves drawn to Paganism because of a dissatisfaction with (their) other religion/faith. Others study a variety of religions/faiths, and feel that Paganism is the most compatible with what they already believe. Some were raised in Pagan families. Regardless of the reasoning, majority of Pagans will tell you that they came to Paganism because they knew it was right for them.</div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;">Do Pagans Recruit?</span></h2>
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No. We don't go door knocking, or pass out pamphlets. We will happily share information with you and answer questions, if you ask for it. Ultimately, we are not interested in collecting new recruits, and would rather a person come to Paganism of their own choosing, free from pressure.</div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;">Where Do I Belong?</span></h2>
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Right here!</div>
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If you're new on your Pagan path, and you're serious about witchcraft, you belong right here. Below, I have provided a basic list of different types of Witches, and Wiccans, but ultimately, it is up to you to research the paths and decide for yourself. There are many more that I have not included, so be sure to check out other/unlisted paths as well.</div>
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I do caution: don't be so quick to jump into a category. Paganism relies heavily on self-discovery, and self-responsibility. You are in charge of your own spiritual growth, and the outcome of it. If you truly want your path to be a positive and fulfilling one, don't cut your research short.</div>
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A witch is someone who identifies as such, and wholeheartedly believes that this is their personal path. And with that, I welcome you, witchling!<br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Types of Witchcraft</span></h3>
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<b>Cottage Witch:</b> a craft based on hearth magic, kitchen magic, garden magic, and folk magic.</div>
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<b>Kitchen Witch: </b>a craft that is based in the kitchen, with cooking, canning, gardening, and herbalism involved.</div>
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<b>Green Witch:</b> a craft that is reverent of nature; it could include herbalism, veganism, faery magic, Irish folk magic, etc.</div>
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<b>Hedge Witch:</b> a craft of wild witches; witches who base their craft off of the powers they draw from the forest, nature, and wild places. Often times, folk magic is a large part of the craft. Practitioners are usually solitary, and are considered "traditional witches."</div>
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<b>Pictish Witch:</b> a craft based on Scottish beliefs and practices, involving little to no religious elements or deities, and instead focuses on attuning the practitioner with all forms of nature, animal, vegetable, and mineral.</div>
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<b>PowWow Witch:</b> often not included as a form of "witchcraft," it is included in this list for its significance in folk magic; a form of fold magic that was brought to Pennsylvania by the German. Popular witch Silver Ravenwolf has a background in this form of magic.</div>
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<b>Strega Witch:</b> sometimes called "authentic Italian witchcraft," this craft usually includes the teachings from Charles Leland's book "Aradia: The Gospel of the Witches;" also known as the Arician Tradition.</div>
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<b>Traditional Witch:</b> often follows science, history, and the arts as a foundation. Practitioners do not necessarily worship nature. Spirit work is usually involved in rituals, and the magic is more practical than ceremonial, with a greater focus on herbs and potions. Practitioners do not always believe in the law of harm none, but does believe in responsibility and honor.</div>
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<b>Eclectic Witch:</b> a craft that adopts various elements of belief from a range of different traditions, instead of following any one traditions; highly flexible and a popular craft, allowing practitioners to study and practice many forms of magical systems and apply what they believe works best for them.</div>
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<b>Hereditary Witch:</b> practitioners are born into a family of the craft and brought up around its teachings; initiation ceremonies are extremely personal and intimate.</div>
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<b>Teutonic Witch: </b>culturally made up of English, Dutch, Icelandic, Danish, Norwegian, and Swedish people; also known as the "Nordic" tradition.</div>
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<b>Druidic Witch: </b> worshipers of mother nature; modern practitioners perform rituals in areas which nature has preserved: rural land, forests, areas untouched by humans. Practitioners often offer sacrifices to nature as a means of worship, using offerings of grain, flowers, etc.</div>
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<b>Dianic Witch:</b> established in 1921 by Margaret Murray, the craft holds a mixture of various traditions, with the prime focus being the "Goddess," and little to no mention of the "God." Practice is usually set around the phases of the moon; sometimes referred to as the "feminist movement" of the craft.</div>
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<b>Mangu Witch: </b>a witch native to the central African Azande people, gifted with the craft that is passed from parent to child, practitioners are often unaware they possess the craft as magic is performed in their sleep.</div>
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<b>Appalachian Folk Witch:</b> Appalachian practitioners often see good and evil as two distinct forces, and is sometimes considered a Christian faith. Practitioners believe they are blessed with paranormal powers to perform magic, but that there are some things their powers cannot cure; practitioners look to nature for omens and portents of the future.</div>
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<b>Satanic Witch:</b> a craft that follows the fundamental tenets and rules of the Satanic church and Anton LaVey, as it's general dogma; most practitioners do not worship a deity.<br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Types of Wicca</span></h3>
<b>Traditional Wicca: </b>any Wiccan tradition that follows a tradition started in the 20th century; Alexandrian, Gardnerian, and Seax Wiccans are considered "Traditional" Wiccans<br />
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<b>Celtic Wicca: </b>based on what was thought to be spiritual and religious practice of the ancient Celts of Europe. Irish and Scottish Wicca incorporate Celtic Wicca and vice versa.<br />
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<b>Egyptian Wicca: </b>Wicca that incorporates and centers around Ancient Egyptian beliefs and Pantheon; also known as Kemetic or Tameran Wicca.<br />
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<b>Faery Wicca:</b> based on the belief in the Faeiries from Irish or Celtic beliefs; another form of Faerie Wicca is based on a system developed by a Californian woman. Faery Wicca can be dark and not for the faint of heart; also spelled "faerie," "fey," or "fay," Wicca<br />
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<b>Native American Wicca:</b> Wicca that incorporates Native American spirituality including the Medicine Wheel, Animal Spirit Guides/Totems, and pantheon. Many believe Native American Wicca is not a true Native American spirituality because only Native Americans can have the spiritualy without culture appropriation.<br />
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<b>Greek/Roman Wicca:</b> Wicca that includes worship of ancient Greek/Roman pantheon. Practitioners can use a mixture of pantheon in their practice or stick to one matron/patron. Dianic Wicca could be considered a subcategory of Greek Wicca.<br />
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<b>Russian Wicca: </b>Wicca based on Russian beliefs. Gaining many new Wiccan followers, Russian Wicca is still a fairly new tradition in Russia.<br />
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<b>Vodoun Wicca: </b>Wicca that incorporates and is based on the traditions and practices of Haitian Vodou (Voodoo). Sometimes there is a use/reverence of Loa/Lwa and Catholic saints.<br />
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<b>Hindu Wicca:</b> based on Hindu beliefs and pantheon, and sometimes includes worship of deities such as Lakshmi, Ganesha, Kali, etc.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: lime;">**Please note this list is not a complete list of the types of modern Witches/Wiccans. I may add to the list, but I will never be able to provide a complete list, as there is just to many to include.**</span><br />
<br />Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-16506422628238483922019-06-24T12:38:00.003-04:002019-07-03T10:35:53.598-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It can get very confusing trying to define Paganism, Witchcraft, and Wicca. Often times I see newbies immediately defining themselves as Wiccans because they don't realize that there are other options. Witchcraft, usually in the form of Wicca has grown in popularity due to numerous factors, but greatly to movies and media portrayal. Often times other forms of Paganism and Witchcraft are overlooked, and so I am never surprised when a new practitioner gives me a confused look after I ask "yeah, but what <i>kind</i> of witch are you?"<br />
<br />
I'm basically asking "what are your personal beliefs? What path do you follow?"<br />
<br />
Personally, it saddens me when new practitioners so quickly lump themselves into a "Wiccan" category. It means I, and the rest of our pagan/witch community has failed our newbies. We haven't provided them with the information they need to fully understand what being Wiccan, or a Witch, or Pagan means.<br />
<br />
I was that newbie once. I thought Paganism, witchcraft, and Wicca were interchangeable terms. It took many more years of development and soul searching to figure out that I wasn't Wiccan, but still a Pagan witch.<br />
<br />
So if you're that newbie, trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in, I'd like to extend a helping and guiding hand. Navigating new beliefs can be tricky, and figuring out where to start can seem impossible!<br />
<br />
Fear not!<br />
<br />
The reason defining Paganism, Witch/craft, and Wicca is so difficult is because there is no one structured belief system. There is no one specific dogma to outline beliefs. As a whole, Paganism is extremely diverse, and covers a wide rage of topics and beliefs. It would be impossible to organize and narrow it all down to one secular text. What is more confusing, but also extremely beautiful, is that Paganism, Witch/craft, and Wicca are generally built around the individual practitioner, and the idea that we are each our own spiritual mediator. We shape our own spirituality. Because of this, Pagan religions are very personal religions, and witchcraft is a very personal practice.<br />
<br />
Below, I am offering a basic idea/definition of Paganism, Witch/craft, and Wicca.<br />
<br />
<br />
<h2>
<ul>
<li>Pagan</li>
</ul>
</h2>
Paganism in itself is not an ancient religion. It is a term used to describe ancient, pre-Christian religions and beliefs. The term was originally a derogatory term used to describe polytheism. It was used by early Christians as a label for any unfamiliar religion and belief system. If you did not believe in the Christian God, you were a pagan.<br />
<br />
In current times, the term "pagan" is used to describe a modern religious movement of paths that are influenced by historical paganism. The terms "neopaganism" and "contemporary paganism" are often shortened simply to "paganism" in modern cultures, and paganism has become an "umbrella" term for many different paths; similar to the term "Christianity" being an umbrella term for Christian-based faiths.<br />
<br />
There is no set dogma or central hierarchy for general paganism. Some more secular paths follow a given dogma or central hierarchy.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #b6d7a8;">Example: Wiccans follow the "Threefold" rule</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Paganism can be described more as a "spirituality" than a religion. Some pagan paths are identified as organized religions and are protected by law. Paganism offers a different world view and stresses personal responsibility. Some pagan practitioners pull their views from many different belief systems to suit their personal and spiritual needs. These pagans are referred to as "eclectic pagans."<br />
<br />
With so many forms of paganism, it is hard to define the term to one concrete definition.<br />
<br />
<h2>
<ul>
<li>
Wiccan </li>
</ul>
</h2>
<div>
To put it simply, a Wiccan is a "pagan witch." Wicca is a modern denomination of paganism, originating from the 1950's. It blends European pagan folk traditions with 19/20th century occultism. Most often, Wicca is dualistic belief in a God and Goddess. Generally, Wiccans follow the moon phases and perform their rituals during specific moon phases. There are 8 holidays Wiccans usually recognize, and most Wiccans use nature as part of their magical ritual. In the past, Wiccans would need to be initiated into a coven before they were considered truly Wiccan. Now, self-initiation is generally accepted as it can be hard for individuals to find covens due to the socially taboo reputation paganism seems to still have. The term "witch" </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<h2>
<ul>
<li>
Witch</li>
</ul>
</h2>
</div>
The term "witch" refers to the non-religious practice of witchcraft, usually focused on the interconnectedness of the world. Witchcraft is not a religion, but can be incorporated and practiced within religions, including non-pagan religions. Witchcraft can also be practiced without religion. Practicing witchcraft greatly depends on a person's personal beliefs, and therefore allows for a great magnitude of different kinds of witches.<br />
<br />
<b>Some Common Types Of Witches</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Wiccans</li>
<li>Kitchen Witch</li>
<li>Hedge Witch</li>
<li>Hereditary Witch</li>
<li>Traditional/British Traditional Witch</li>
<li>Greek/Roman Witch</li>
<li>Voodoo Witch</li>
<li>Green Witch</li>
<li>Pictish Witch</li>
<li>German PowWow Witch</li>
<li>Strega Witch</li>
<li>Celtic Witch</li>
<li>Caledonii/Hecatine Witch</li>
<li>Alexandrian Witch</li>
<li>Ceremonial Witch</li>
<li>New Age/Neo-Witch</li>
<li>African Witch</li>
<li>Appalachian Folk Witch</li>
<li>Secular Witch</li>
<li>Sea Witch</li>
<li>Faerie/Fae Witch</li>
<li>Shamanic Witch</li>
<li>Techno/Tech Witch</li>
<li>Eclectic Witch</li>
<li>Urban Witch</li>
<li>Pop Culture Witch</li>
<li>and many more!</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
<br />
There are many wonderful resources out there, and I suggest that if you are questioning where you fit in the Pagan/Witchcraft community, that you use this only as a place to start. The more research you do, the more comfortable you will on you own spiritual journey! Good luck, and welcome to the community!<br />
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-54585374451619844902019-05-30T13:10:00.001-04:002019-07-08T10:33:39.643-04:00A Pagan's View On Abortion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<b><i><span style="color: #93c47d;">Disclaimer: The following does not represent the views, beliefs, and opinions of all Pagans. This is my personal opinion on the subject of abortion, in light of the new anti-abortion laws/bills.</span></i></b><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #93c47d;">----------------------------</span><br />
<br />
I went back and forth on it. I debated about posting anything on the topic of abortion and birth control. In light of the new anti-abortion laws/bills, the subject has become extremely controversial, political, and religious. Personally, I've never viewed the subject as any of those; only as an individual, emotional, and private decision.<br />
<br />
But as these new laws/bills have popped up in 5 (that I've heard of) states, I have found myself surrounded by the subject. Social media is a war zone because of it. I usually try to stay away from the political and religious controversies, but the subject has a great impact on me.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">As a woman.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">As a survivor.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">As a mother.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">As a pagan.</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
So I'm posting about it. And let me tell you, if you are in favor of these laws/bills, you're not going to like this post.<br />
<br />
The past few days, I've been feeling ill. My stomach feels like it's upside down, my head throbs, my knees feel weak, and there's a knot in my throat that I can't seem to swallow. Why? Because anti-abortion laws/bills are popping up like weeds and people are actually supporting them.<br />
<br />
I'm baffled. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm scared.<br />
<br />
I wonder if people actually understand what is happening. So many are screaming "life at conception," that I question whether they know what is entirely being said.<br />
<br />
Sure, I could argue about what is considered "life." We all could. Is it a heartbeat? Is it brain function? Is it ability to survive outside the womb? Is it a fertilized egg? To each their own I suppose. Personally, I think the definition of "life" is a complex combination of the previous mentioned. It's hard to explain, but I do believe that a part of it has to do with the difference between <i>living </i>and <i>being alive</i>.<br />
<br />
<h2>
<u><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">What do I believe?</span></u></h2>
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Do I believe a fertilized egg is considered "life?" </span></b><br />
No. I believe it has the potential of becoming life.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Do I believe "life" is defined by a heartbeat?</span></b><br />
Technically, yes. But without brain function, I don't believe it is <i>living,</i> rather it is merely <i>alive. </i>Think of it this way: a person can be on life support, with no brain activity. They are still considered <i>alive</i> but they aren't <i>living</i>. They aren't experiencing life because their brain is not processing it. Their body is simply going through the motions of being <i>alive. </i>Many doctors and medical practitioners would say that without brain activity, a person is "medically dead." That's why it's ok to pull the plug on a vegetable-stated person with no brain activity, but is illegal to shoot your neighbor while he's mowing the lawn.<br />
<i><br /></i>
So when is it ok to end life? When is ok to take the life of another? Is it ok at six weeks when there's a heartbeat but no brain activity? These laws/bills would tell you no.<br />
<br />
I disagree.<br />
<br />
<h2>
<u><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">The big misconception.</span></u></h2>
There are two big myths I want to address here.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Myth: Women have abortions because it's convenient.</span></b><br />
Humans, as a whole, take the life of living things every day, for sheer convenience. Not only does the food you eat, both meat and plant, come from living things, but so does the clothes on your back and the paper you write on. Does this make abortion ok? Is it really as simple as this? That's for you to decide. Let me tell you though, women do not have abortions because of convenience. It is never convenient to have an abortion.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">A woman doesn't want an abortion like she wants ice cream.</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #b6d7a8;"><i>A woman wants an abortion like an animal </i><i>caught </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #b6d7a8;"><i>in a trap </i><i>wants to gnaw it's own leg off. </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">-Frederica Mathewes-Green</span></i></div>
<br />
If a woman is considering/having an abortion, it is because she is in a desperate situation where she sees her only escape as an act of violence and self-loss. Abortion is self-loss. It is a sign of desperation because a woman is trapped. Abortion is not a convenient solution to a simple problem of "I don't want kids." No, it's evidence of an even bigger problem: lack of sufficient birth control and sexual education.<br />
<br />
The moral cry of anti-abortionists does not offer a solution. It only further traps women. If you want a solution other than abortion, you need to address the problem.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #93c47d;">Use birth control or Plan-B.</span> </i>These are both expensive, and many times require a doctor's prescription. A low-income woman cannot easily afford $50 for a <u>single</u> dose of Plan-B, or the copay/out of pocket expense of going to the doctor for a prescription.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #93c47d;">Just keep your legs closed. </span></i>First off, science has proven that sex (between consenting adults) is healthy. This argument is very one-sided, and this has never been said to males. Why is it we scrutinize women for being sexual but never men? Why is it when a man has sex, no one cares, and sometimes he's even praised for it, but when a woman has sex, suddenly she's a dirty whore and doesn't deserve happiness? Secondly, I dare you to say this in the face of a woman who has been raped, or a little girl who fell victim to incest.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #93c47d;">Use a condom.</span> </i>Sure. That's a thing. But what people don't realize is that condoms are a form of <u>male</u> birth control. It is put on a penis, it's male birth control. This in mind, using condoms is also a very one-sided argument. Condoms (male birth control) are many times, given away freely at health clinics. Where's my free Loestrin? Where's my free Nuva Rings? And ladies, raise your hand if a guy has given you some excuse, or pressured you into not using condoms!<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #93c47d;">Get your tubes tied. </span></i>Get a vasectomy! Seriously though, do you know what it takes to get such a procedure done? A woman obviously has to talk to her doctor, she must be at least 21 years old, she must be evaluated to ensure she isn't "mentally incompetent," she must already be married and have children, and she <u>must have her husband's consent.</u> The procedure must be done within 30 days of approved consent, or the approval process starts over again. It can also cost upwards of $6,000 and many insurances do not cover it. Do you know what it takes for a man to get a vasectomy? He has to tell his doctor he wants a vasectomy.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">Myth: At six weeks, it is a living human being, with feelings.</span></b><br />
Science and modern medicine say that at six weeks, a fertilized human egg is nothing more than a cluster of cells called a "zygote." It's not a human being yet. Does it have the potential to be one? Sure, but at this stage, it's a cluster of cells. These new bills are criminalizing abortion at six weeks or later.<br />
<br />
Many women, me included, don't even know they are pregnant until they are eight weeks along. You might think a missed period would be clue, but you know what else causes missed periods? Stress. Excessive weight loss/gain. Exercise. Eating disorders. Illness. Travel. Medications or drug use. Hormone imbalances. You try figuring out if you're just eating too much ice cream or if you're pregnant.<br />
<br />
In my own personal experience with pregnancy, I never had a regular period, so for me to skip one wasn't abnormal at all. When I was eight weeks along, I went to the nurse for nausea and what I thought was a stomach bug. Nope. Pregnant.<br />
<br />
Pregnancy tests have a higher rate of giving false results if they are taken sooner than 2 weeks after intercourse. The best time to take them is 12-14 days after ovulation, which can easily be 3 weeks after intercourse. If a woman doesn't have any reason to believe she's pregnant until after her missed period, that is pushing the 6 week mark.<br />
<br />
At six weeks, pain receptors haven't even begun to form. There isn't even a functioning brain at this point. No, it can't feel pain.<br />
<br />
<h2>
<u><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">
What else is in the bill?</span></u></h2>
<div>
These bills aren't just about abortions, though. They are about women's health, and access to healthcare. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Unfortunately, I reside in an area where these bills are popping up and passing. Recently an anti-abortion bill was passed here, drastically reducing the window for abortion. Now a new and even stricter bill is being proposed, and many of the bills popping up are similar. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This new bill would eliminate a woman's access to contraceptives via her insurance. This would mean insurance companies would not cover birth controls like oral contraceptive pills or implants like IUDs. A woman would have to pay out of pocket for these birth controls. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
For example, when I was on birth control (an offbrand of the oral contraceptive Loestrin), I would pay about $25 a month after my insurance. Without my insurance, I would have to pay around $180 out of pocket. That's more than 7x what I would be paying. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But the bill doesn't stop there. It continues to classify female birth control, such as oral contraceptive pills and implants like IUDs, as "nontherapeutic abortion." Why? because it is a drug/device "used to prevent the implantation of a fertilized ovum."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">Section 9.04</span></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">"Nontherapeutic abortion" means an abortion that is performed or induced when the life of the mother would not be endangered if the fetus were carried to term [...]. "Nontherapeutic abortion" includes drugs or devices used to prevent the implantation of a fertilized ovum. "Nontherapeutic abortion" does not include either of the following: a procedure for an ectopic pregnancy, that is intended to reimplant the fertilized ovum into the pregnant woman's uterus; a procedure, in an emergency situation, that is medically necessary to save the pregnant woman's life.</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Let me explain ectopic pregnancy real quick. An ectopic pregnancy is when the fertilized egg attaches inside a woman's fallopian tube, instead of in her uterus. As the fertilized egg grows, it forces her fallopian tube to expand. This is deadly if the egg is not removed. Once it is removed however, it <u>cannot</u> be reattached. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So basically, if you're not dying, you can't have an abortion or take birth control.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I also want to point out that where the [...] is, used to make an exception for situations of rape and incest, but it was redacted. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As it stands right now, these bills would prohibit insurance from assisting women in the costs of birth control and abortions. I mentioned earlier how expensive birth control can be without insurance, and abortions are just as expensive.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Some of these bills criminalize abortions and birth control, giving women and the doctors who perform the procedure jail time (up to 99 years for some doctors). In some places, women could even face the death penalty. </div>
<h2>
<u><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">
How am I affected?</span></u></h2>
So how does this affect me so much?<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">It affects me as a woman. </span></b>As a woman, my rights are being challenged. My access to healthcare is being limited so drastically, it is almost impossible. When abortions were illegal, prior to 1973, it didn't mean abortions never happened. During that time, women would find some back alley doctor, or even a stranger with no medical license, and an abortion would be performed by shoving a wire coat hanger into the woman. I'll spare you further details on the procedure. Back alley abortions were common, and many women died from them.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">Roe vs. Wade wasn't the start of abortions.</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">It was the end of women dying from abortions.</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The government is forcing women back into the alley. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As for birth control, I never took it to prevent me from getting pregnant. In fact, I didn't start taking it until after I had my kid. I took it to regulate my cycle, so I would actually have a normal cycle, instead of bleeding for 3 weeks each month. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
62% of women use some form of birth control outside of condoms. 31% of women using birth control use it to manage menstrual pain, and 28% to regulate their cycle, like me. 14% of women using birth control use it to treat their acne. 4% use birth control to treat endometriosis, a deadly disorder that causes tissue growth outside of the uterus. More than 750,000 women who use birth control, have never had sex. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
By extensively limiting access to birth control, you're not preventing abortions, you're ruining the lives of women who use it.</div>
<br />
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">It affects me as a survivor.</span> </b>I am a rape survivor. I chose not to have an abortion after it. I recognize that it was my personal choice and that I have no grounds to make that choice for anyone else.<br />
<br />
1 in every 6 women has been raped. That's more than 1 billion women worldwide. Out of all these, only 75% have been reported to police. That means, about 250 million women have been raped and chose against reporting the crime to police.<br />
<br />
90% of pregnancies of girls ages 15 and younger, are due to rape/incest.<br />
<br />
Anti-abortionists will cry that only 1% of all abortions are due to rape/incest, but what they fail to mention is that the 1% is only of rape crimes that have been reported to police. Even so, that adds up to over <u>7 million women</u> who have had an abortion after reporting being raped.<br />
<br />
Anti-abortionists will cry that it's "in God's will." If that is your view, you need a new god. I invite you to look every one of those 1 billion women, in the face and tell them that <i>your god</i> intended for them to be violated. Look them in the eyes and tell them<i> your god</i> wanted them to have their life shatter into pieces. Tell them <i>your god</i> planned for them to be violently forced into sexual acts. You tell them <i>your god</i> enjoyed watching them fill with pain and fear and desperation as men took what they wanted. Console them with "its ok, this is what <i>[my] god</i> wanted."<br />
<br />
No.<br />
<br />
Just no.<br />
<br />
I don't care what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, no god of any origin wishes such upon humans. Your god may flood the world and send plagues and pit brothers against each other, but no god has <b><u>ever</u></b> said rape is a part of the plan.<br />
<br />
I fall in this category. I am a part of these statistics. Being a rape survivor, I can attest to how hard it is; how out of control you feel. I made a decision for myself. I will never let you take that decision away from my fellow sisters.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">It affects me as a mother.</span> </b>Body autonomy is something I teach as a mother. It is something I want for my children.<br />
<br />
I love the "campfire rule;" the idea that you leave a place in better condition than you found it. That's my job as a parent. To leave this earth in a better condition than it was left for me. To help instill a brighter future for my children, and the generations after me. My generation and the generations before me are responsible for the horrid state our world is in. We all played our part on the downward spiral. It is our job, our duty, to fix it.<br />
<br />
I want my children to be in control of their bodies. I want them to have the right to make their own decisions, because ultimately, they know themselves better than anyone else knows them. I want my children not to feel obligated, pressured, or forced to make private and personal decisions because someone else thinks their decisions are better. I want my children to have access to adequate and affordable healthcare, so they may take care of themselves. I don't want my children growing up in fear; fear of others, fear of not being in control, fear of having no say on their own lives.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #93c47d;">It affects me as a pagan.</span> </b>These anti-abortion bills violate the separation of the Christian church and state. Christianity is being forced on the entirety of the pluralistic society that the United States was founded as. Denying women reproductive free-will is patriarchal, theocratic, and fascist. Anti-abortion is anti-American, anti-woman and anti-pagan.<br />
<br />
Allowing the degradation of separation of church and state will only open the door to more infringements. The theocratic government that we are slowly evolving into will infringe upon "freedom of religion." Do you honestly think a Christian theocratical government will be ok with you practicing your craft? The United States was once a beacon of secular democracy. That is the whole reason it was founded. We have strayed so very far from what our forefathers intended.<br />
<br />
Anti-abortion is a war on women. But it is also the first wave of infringement of personal freedoms for all people, men and women.<br />
<br />
<br />
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Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-5038715439450854482019-05-21T11:44:00.000-04:002019-06-24T12:51:55.629-04:00Spiritual Names10.<br />
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That's how many names I've collected over my years.<br />
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It started with my birth name, obviously, and my mother immediately giving me a nickname that was a shortened version of my legal birth name. Throughout my childhood, that was me. My nickname, and when I was in trouble, my birth name. Typical of anyone really.<br />
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When I was in elementary school, my family insisted I be confirmed in their faith, through their church. I knew better than to argue, so I agreed. As part of confirmation, I was allowed to choose another name; one that would come between my legal middle and last names. I chose a name that, looking back, almost foreshadowed the struggles and trauma of my adulthood.<br />
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In my angsty pre-teen and teenage years, I took on four different nicknames. All vastly different than any name I had before, they were based on the social media screen names of that awkward chapter of life. Two of which were quite dark, and no one calls me by now, virtual or otherwise. The other two, only a handful of people still call me by, even though one is displayed on my own Facebook profile as a nickname. Every once in a while, I fall back to this name when I wish to keep my legal identity confidential.<br />
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As an adult, I found that more and more people confused the nickname my mother originally gave me, with a wrong variation of the name. This seemed to be the issue with most phone conversations, as phones can be hard to hear through sometimes, and most of the time people just don't pay attention. In college, this was actually the name of a close friend, and we frequently confused professors and students, and ended up being identified by our last names, or together as "the twins." Our first names were just to similar. Outside of college, my name was still confused with similar sounding/spelled names, and my father ended up introducing me by an even shorter nickname of my original nick name. My name went from 9 letters, down to 6, and then down to 4. It was easier for people to correctly hear a one syllable nickname. So it stuck because of pure convenience.<br />
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This blog sparked another name. When creating it, I was at a point in my life where I was so far into the broom closet, that I needed a name that wouldn't even hint at a specific gender. I needed to be completely anonymous, but still real and plausible. I chose the name "Sam." It could be short for "Samantha," or "Samual." In reality, I chose it because I was going by "SamhainGirl" online, and it was a nod at the start of my pagan journey. Samhain is the anniversary of my self-discovery as a witch and when I decided to walk a pagan path.<br />
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It seemed right. I even went so far as to say it was my "spiritual name." After all, it was the name I was associating with my spiritual path. I even had a few people who I trusted and had assisted me in some way on my path, call me Sam. I told myself that this was it. This was my spiritual name, the end.<br />
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But what is a spiritual name?<br />
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Well, first off let me clarify. I'm talking about a spiritual name as in a magical name, or a "pagan name." Its a name that is usually adopted upon initiation into witchcraft. Personally, and I tend to call my witchcraft and pagan path a "spiritual journey" I use the phrasing "spiritual name."<br />
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Call it what you will.<br />
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Usually adopted at initiation, the name can either be given or selected, and is usually only revealed through a ritual setting. Most often, the name isn't used outside of covens or close pagan friendship circles. I've heard that some pagans use two names, one for public use, and the other used only within rituals/covens.<br />
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Is it mandatory to have a spiritual/pagan name? Certainly not! It's really up to the individual.<br />
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Can you change your spiritual/pagan name? I mean, yeah, but you definitely shouldn't change it on a whim, and therefore shouldn't choose it on a whim either. Do some research and soul searching first. What all is associated with the name you're interested in? What are positive traits of the name? Negative? Is it unique to you, or do you just like how it sounds? Ideally, you want to keep this name long term. Right?<br />
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Within the past 6 months, "Sam" wasn't cutting it anymore. I just wasn't feeling it. It still provided me with the anonymity I needed, so I let it linger. But another name was in the works. It was growing steadily in the back of my mind. I'm not entirely sure how it got there. I think it was sparked by an online name generator that gave a similar/variant version of the name. But I know that the letter "T" stuck. It sounded right, and soon after, the rest of the name followed that letter in a very fluid manner.<br />
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Treya.<br />
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I whispered it.<br />
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I whispered it late at night, and listened to how it flowed from my mouth; how it felt to say it. I wasn't feeling a sense of excitement about it, or even happiness. And that's what kept telling me that it was right. Sure, it's exciting to find your spiritual name. You should definitely be happy about it. But that shouldn't be the dominating feeling.<br />
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I felt calm. Peacefulness. Balance. It was the feeling I so frequently wished to feel. Your spiritual name should be natural, not over energized. It should balance you out.<br />
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Seven months later, I looked into the name more.<br />
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It means: "one who walks three paths." I wonder if this is related to my own path through paganism. The path of the maiden, the path of the mother, and the path of the crone, perhaps. It shows origination in Hindu culture. I also find it interesting how similar the name is with the name of the goddess Freya. After discovering the name, I had a draw to the Norse path, and am still exploring it. Perhaps the similar name brought me closer to Freya herself?<br />
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It seems the most famous person with the name is Terry "Treya" Killam Wilber, who is the subject of her husband's book "Grace and Grit." In the book, her husband illustrates the struggles of his wife's cancer that ultimately took her life.<br />
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<i><a href="http://womenandmountains.blogspot.com/2018/02/treya-killam-wilber.html">Treya had always felt her issues revolved around the pressures of doing rather than just being. She tried to find her way back to "the simple pleasure of being and making, not knowing and doing. It feels like coming home!" She said, "immediately it came up for me. To stop trying to be a man. To stop calling myself Terry. To become Treya."</a></i></div>
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Adding to the reading list, obviously.</div>
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I finally have let a couple people know the name. I've changed my name on here. Perhaps Terry Wilber is right. Perhaps this is the start of my inner shift. I most certainly am shifting into my spring season, and I have evolved greatly. As my inner being shifts, and my mind shifts to a new plane of thinking, my outer being will shift as well.</div>
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I am interested in this new being. This conscious stardust being. </div>
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This is the beginning of an evolution. This is the beginning of my shift.</div>
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<b>Hello. My name is Treya.</b><br />
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Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3420879760635302043.post-87911479895209619782019-04-23T11:18:00.001-04:002019-06-24T12:51:11.562-04:00Familiar vs Pet<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
About a month ago, my dog passed away. I always referred to her as my familiar because she was so dear to me, and so sensitive to the spiritual world. But I never included her in my craft practices. I don't entirely know why, I just never felt like I needed her there for them. Perhaps she wasn't my familiar. I know animals are more sensitive to the spiritual world than humans.</div>
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<b><span style="color: lime;">Perhaps that is what confused my view of her.</span></b></div>
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During her final years, she developed senility. At age 17 and a half, it's understandable. It became a struggle to tell whether she was sensing the spiritual, or if her brain was just warping her senses. If she was younger, I'd have no question that she was sensing the spiritual. But getting stuck in corners, staring into space, and going berserk over nothing is all signs of senility as well. She would sleep so soundly that she would often times forget to breathe. I found myself questioning if she was slipping into the spiritual realm herself, even if for just a brief moment until my touch startled her back earthbound.</div>
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<b><span style="color: lime;">Sometimes I humor myself and believe it was true.</span></b></div>
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Three days ago, I found myself bringing home a sweet-hearted, eight-month old hound dog. Sawyer has definitely been a blessing in our house. My son has taken to him, so have my parents. He needs some training; he lacks leash manners, and is quickly learning that counters and tables are not for doggy noses. He has some separation anxiety; scared that we will leave him like his former family. But he's trainable, and smart, and learning quickly. We have been blessed to find such a perfect match for our family.</div>
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<b><span style="color: lime;">But he is not my familiar.</span></b></div>
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I don't know how I know this. I just do. I can tell just by looking at him that he is just a companion pet. He is here just to make my family's lives that much more enjoyable. We need his love and he needs ours. There's nothing wrong with that.</div>
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<b><span style="color: lime;">I don't have a familiar.</span></b></div>
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I'm not even sure if I need one. I've never needed help in my craft. I've always done it alone. It seems like a lonely reality, but to me it makes sense. I'm so empathetic that I would never want another entity to assist me in my craft, and risk them being affected negatively. That's the risk a familiar takes, and I could never ask that of anyone, let alone an innocent animal who wants nothing more than to love and be loved in return.</div>
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<b><span style="color: lime;">That's the thing about familiars though.</span></b></div>
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They don't need you to allow them into your craft. If they want to be a part of it, they will. No matter how much I would avoid allowing someone into my craft, if a familiar entity was supposed to be there, they would be. Is it possible I've just not come to a point in my spiritual path where I need a familiar? Possibly. Honestly, I'm not surprised. I've always been a solitary practitioner. Why would it be any different with familiars?</div>
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<b><span style="color: lime;">It is a little annoying.</span></b></div>
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So many modern witches talk about having familiars, and confusing familiars and pets. Not every pet is a familiar, and I don't understand why a person would even want their beloved pet to be such. Familiars aren't pets. They're free entities, blending into our modern world. They're our partners in craft, willing to suffer the repercussions of our work. Do you want your pet to risk negative suffering because of your craft? I don't know, it just seems strange...</div>
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Treyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06998924388393727627noreply@blogger.com0