On A Break

Once again, it has been a year between postings. It started as just life being incredibly busy, and then turned into a more purposeful and deliberate act of staying away. I moved towards more "old school" methods and actually purchased a journal to use as a Book of Shadows and replacement tool for this blog. Over the years, I've acquired many different journals but none resonated with me that I needed them to, so yes, I searched for a new journal to buy and start. 

My last journal has entries dating back to 2014, and was a gift from someone who is no longer a part of my life, nor holds any value in my life. Those bridges I left burned, and in my current journey, I feel awkward using that journal. Like the toxicity of that particular person, and that version of me from back then, had become an aura around the journal. As I now seek to move beyond my past, have grown and evolved multiple times since then, and wish to no longer add value to people and events that no longer serve me, I felt that while I won't trash the journal, I would not add to it. There are pretty dark and heavy times in that journal and its entries, and I allow it to live on my shelf for the sole purpose of timeline. Nothing more. Time to close that one, bind its bad ju-ju, and move on.

Enter my current journal and BOS. I spent much more time researching into what I wanted than most probably would have. I wanted something that vibed right, that was worth the resources and efforts into getting it, and something with no ties to to anyone other than me, in my present state. Nothing tied to old and former jobs or people who have exited my life. And there she was, on the wonderful platform of Amazon (insert eye roll). She came with two ribbon bookmarks, a pocket in the rear for loose papers, elastic pen holder and elastic closure strap, faux leather with a sky themed binding and cover, and she was thiiiiick. I like 'em thick. So a transaction was made, and I made my first entry back in October 2023. 

If you're wondering if I've been better about making entries in my journal more than I have been about making entries here, just know that some bad habits are hard to break. While my entries there are a bit more frequent, they still have long breaks between them. 

Originally, I got this journal with the intention of writing entries more frequently, and eventually digitizing it to entries on here, once the habit of frequent entries was formed. With a bit more time between my life and entries on here, I'm contemplating if digitizing my journal entries is a good idea or not. I think for now, I may only share bits and pieces of my entries, and not their entirety. There is something very personal about a witch's journal and BOS. I don't mind sharing my journey, and I've been very much an "open book" all my life, and I feel I will continue to do so. But I feel that perhaps I do so in a way that is also healthy and secure for myself. So for now, what you're going to get here is only bits and pieces of what is there, and information with a bit less feeling than what is in those entries. After all, this is the internet.

In fact, one of my entries was even about the idea of coming back to this blog. It started with a lot of targeted adds on social media platforms for a priestess named Sarah Jenks. Her beautiful advertisement videos are very enticing for me in my current place on my journey, but I've also been very skeptical of it being a scam. Because you know, this is the internet. I am intrigued though, and it sparked the desire to do some serious research on the Sacred Feminine. For some reason that I haven't quite grasped yet, I feel that the path of the Sacred Feminine will help me reclaim and find that "wild woman" version of myself that I've been so desperate to find. 

Which in turn, sparked the thought of "hey you have this blog thing still and that was the whole purpose of why you started it." But I'm still working on making my craft more of a regular habit, including journal entries. I wondered if this blog could be a step in strengthening the habit, allowing me to document my journey with the Sacred Feminine...but then why have my journal? With some self reflection, I realized that this blog has always been a way for me to gain peer approval and appreciation. Which in itself is laughable. At the beginning of this blog, the peer recognition I got was never approval or appreciation. It was ridicule; constantly being told how wrong I am in my practice. Even now I get a lot of ridicule over on Pinterest, where my infographics have been shared. Over time, any bit of recognition dwindled, and at one point I think the only two viewers I even had were the two individuals I was in a relationship with. Now that both relationships have ended, I'd be surprised if they ever came back here. So now, I doubt anyone sees this at all. 

Sidenote: it is interesting, because when I created "47: The Patient Journal" the whole point was to NOT have viewers, and that the whole project would evolve silently and undetected until one day in the far distant future, someone somehow stumbled upon it. I really struggled with the decision of linking it to this blog, because I knew the possibility of it then getting traffic would drastically increase. I still ended up linking it, though I think the fear of it being found has dwindled as my views here have. 

I want to strengthen my bond with my craft and my love for myself before I make a true commitment to come back here. I'll probably brainstorm posts and stuff still, and maybe write a post every now and then. And yeah, as I find information that I feel may help others, it will end up here too. So I'm not gone. Just giving some distance and taking a purposeful break for once.