This blog does not represent the views, beliefs, traditions, etc. of all Pagans. This blog does not claim to be 100% correct, nor does it claim to have every answer. This blog represents the personal views, beliefs, and morals of one Pagan. This blog represents the belief system and spiritual journey of one Pagan. The blogger in charge of this blog is not looking for followers or others with the same outlook on life. The blogger believes that every individual is exactly that, an "individual;" with individual beliefs, individual paths, and individual outlooks on life. The blogger stresses how important it is for people to discover their own spiritual paths, their own system of beliefs, and their own morals.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Solitude - The Forced Practice

Solitary Witchcraft. It is not something I would have chosen, giving the option. However, due to a lack of fellow pagan friends, and even a scarcer number of local ones, I have been given the only option of solitude. It's a tough one to do.

Although solitary practice has it's benefits, I sure. It has proven to be much more of a struggle for me. I was introduced to Wicca with two others, who were close friends for a few childhood years. One friend and I were about 7th grade when we discovered Wicca and were instantly fascinated. Our third we found in our freshman year of high school. Those two went to school together, which was different than the one I attended. Not even two years later, our third fell out of contact with us, and by the end of high school, my friend and I also fell out of contact.

I actually attended two different high schools. The second, although I had more friends there, none of them were remotely interested in anything pagan related. So the whole subject wasn't even talked about.

When I started college, I had accepted that I had no choice but to practice in solitude. However, the adjustments to yet another new school, new people, new and harder classes, and the pros and cons of being on my own (living on campus), all seemed to take priority. My faith was put on the back burner.

It wasn't until maybe a bit over a year ago, that I buckled down and got back to my faith. I bought some books and a tarot deck. It was around that time that I also discovered two other pagans attended my college. One of them happened to be somewhat of a friend. However I quickly realized that neither of them took it as seriously as me, and it was more on the back burner for them.

After I re-evaluated my beliefs and faith in the summer of 2013, I found yet another pagan at my college. Despite his social awkwardness, his unintentional creepy vibe, and his lack of proper social communications, he seems to be more promising when it comes to paganism. Now that the shock of his mannerisms is over, he and I have shared sources and pagan related information.

As for pagan related information, I've developed quite a collection. I have over 950 infographics and reference photos, 72 PDFs of information, 25 or so books, two tarot decks and their books, and who knows how many websites of further information.

The books I have, if anyone is interested, are as follows:

  • Witch School by Rev. Donald Lewis-Highcorrell
  • Paganism: An Introduction to Earth-Centered Religions by Joyce & River Higginbotham
  • Circle, Coven, & Grove by Deborah Blake
  • Naughty Spells / Nice Spells by Skye Alexander
  • The Good Spell Book by Gillian Kemp
  • The Book of Spells by Nicola de Pulford
  • Wicca for Beginners by Thea Sabin
  • Wicca for Couples by A.J. Drew (signed copy)
  • Wicca Source Book by Gerina Dunwich
  • Exploring Spellcraft by Gerina Dunwich
  • The Real Witches' Coven by Kate West
  • Raising Witches by Ashleen O'Gaea
  • Color Casting for Wiccans by Sister Moon
  • A Witch's 10 Commandments by Marian Singer
  • Gothic Grimoire by Konstantinos
  • *Vampires by Konstantinos 
  • Wiccan Beliefs & Practices by Gary Cantrell 
  • The Witch's Journal by Selene Silverwind
  • Advanced Witchcraft by Edain McCoy
  • The Element Encyclopedia of Witchcraft by Judika Illes
  • The Complete Book of Essential Oils and Aromatherapy by Valerie Ann Worwood
  • Creativity and the Six Senses by Jennie Harding
  • Healing Plants by Victoria Merrett
  • Foods That Harm, Foods That Heal by Readers Digest
  • The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Healing Remedies by C. Norman Shealy
  • Amulets & Talismans by Robert Dancik

*I do include this because I feel there is something magical about the subject matter.

This picture is only some of my books (missing about 6).
As you can see, I'm running out of space to put them.

I also managed to set up an altar space. I had to take it down for a few months due to some personal reasons, but it is now, ever so slowly being built back up. In fact, I just started doing that today.

I have a few stones, some cinnamon sticks, candles and two metal tea candle holders, my wand, a tarot deck, a rabbit pelt, a witch wish box, a deer antler, and a sea shell on my altar. My altar is a bit small in size, so even though many of these items are small in size, it still looks a bit cluttered. I keep my wax burner within arms reach from my altar.

On the subject of wax burners: I use a wax burner/heater instead of incense. Incense is messy, and also requires an open flame. I know I have candles on my altar, but I rarely burn them, and when I do, I am usually right there watching them. The wax burner allows me to step away and meditate or do something else and not fear that I'm going to burn the house down. It is also very clean, not dropping ash everywhere, and still gives me the benefits of incense, i.e. smell.

Needless to say, I seem like I am well on my way, despite being in solitude. However, I feel insanely behind in my studies. I know I am nowhere near where I should be with them. I also have zero guidance. I am completely self taught, and although that is great, I would still prefer to have a mentor to guide me and share their wisdom. I like being a student. I also would like to find a coven to learn and practice with. 

I've thought that maybe I can share my wisdom with the pagan guy at my college, but I have no idea where he is at knowledge wise, or what his fundamental beliefs are. We haven't had much time to talk about it.

At one point, I thought I had found someone who was willing to mentor me. He is a voodoo priest, and although he did not live locally, he frequently visited my area. However, he cut all contact very suddenly, with no reason at all. 

Every year I tell myself "by Samhain I will have a mentor." Every year Samhain comes, and I don't have a mentor. Every year I feel further and further behind. Every year I have to pull myself back together, and raise myself out of the depression solitude leaves me in. Every year I tell myself again "by Samhain..."

Perhaps this year things will be different. With this blog, maybe I can reach out a bit more. Perhaps this year?

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