Healing: The Sexual Wound

In spirit of taking a purposeful break from here, I have been working on a semi-secret project. Back in March of 2024, I came to a better understanding of just how intertwined my spiritual journey is with other life journeys of mine. I always saw the connection between my spiritual and healing paths. They crossed quite often, and at many times, conjoined. What was a harder realization to recognize, it how these twin paths crossed with another - the path of sexuality. 

Part of me coming into my power and embodying the divine feminine is learning to love not only my body, but my sexuality and desires. The spiritual fueled healing has led me to understand that I must learn to love all aspects of myself, if I am to heal further. Self love, self appreciation, and self adoration has been a huge step in being spiritual. It is spiritual.

This step in healing was a big moment; a moment that opened myself up to new levels of healing and spirituality to explore. So I started to do just that - explore. The draw to the divine feminine was strengthening, and I set new goals in my healing to strengthen my connection with myself. 

Two months later, another realization rocked me at my core. In a moment of private intimacy, the true depths of spirituality crossing sexuality, was brought to light:

"...I am called to recognize that this is the place of my own magical feminine power. Here [...] is where I hold other worldly dimensions. Where I will travel across dimensions unknown to even me, and pluck a soul from the stars of other universes. Here is where I will wrap soul in skin and then push forth stardust into a physical realm; thrust life into reality and tether a star to earth. Here is where I create life, the same way (christian) God breathed life into Adam, only I did it with more determination and sheer strength. And if my feminine power is the same life-creating power of a god, then I am no less a goddess. And I will not allow a man to treat me less than, when he does not possess such divine power of creation. You will not see me less than the goddess I am, when I birth sparks of infinite through my own feminine blood, while I scream with the strength of every silenced goddess you sought to destroy. No you will not treat me less than, because I am what created you. Here [...] where I hold universes you could never step foot in. My power is mine and I will remember it, and I will never let you desecrate the temple of the goddess that is me."

How very intertwined these two paths currently were. Finding strength and power in a very intimate part of me was something to certainly digest. And as I digested, more forgotten pieces were coming back. In my prior healing, I had stepped very far away from sexual intimacy - mentally at least. Sure it was there (obviously, as I shared in prior posts about pregnancy), but it was always separate from my spiritual journey, and a part of my healing that I wasn't ready to work on. Now here was sexual intimacy like a flashing neon sign.

Hello! It's me! It's time to heal the sexual wound!

Oof. That's not an easy task to consider, but oddly was much easier to put into actual practice. I knew I had mental scars and unhealed wounds that encased sex. I knew they were deep, and I knew I'd have to work on them eventually. But damn, I did not think I was ready to do it NOW. I think the universe knows I don't ignore signs, especially flashing neon ones. And this "aha" moment I'd had during private intimacy, was just that. How could I truly love myself if I struggled to accept my sexuality? I guess now its time - thanks universe. 

So next step, do a quick evaluation of my sexuality, and where I currently stand there. What are my current desires when it comes to sexuality? That was an easy answer, as I could only instinctively come up with one - I missed submission. I had delved in the kink lifestyle multiple times in the past, gained some trauma, and then moved away from it. But I missed it. I missed what I knew it could be, and how beautiful it was when practiced correctly. And I was very tired of having only bad experiences with something so beautiful. Time to jump back into kink, but with a new perspective; one that was backed with spiritual sounding. 

This started with some basic internet work. I found a few groups on the book of faces, joined them and started exploring. I somehow found myself in a group chat, and making friends and connections. Ones that I am proud to say have only strengthened and blossomed further, and even spread into more friendships and connections. I won't say there weren't difficulties. There definitely were many difficulties, heartache, and even some backstabbing. But I pushed on, and quickly found myself in the role of "teacher" once again. That old phrase I always say about spirituality, was now echoing through sexuality - "we are always the student, only sometimes the teacher." It was certainly true here too. Despite 14+ years in kink, I was still learning new things, and I seemed to be teaching...A LOT. I picked up on the fact that accurate information and teaching was hard to come by in kink, and even harder to navigate. Like spirituality, there is no one way to do it. It was truly a personalized journey. 

One thing you can count on me for - if there is a need, I'll fill it. I took it upon myself to fill the need for accurate info and teachings. What started as basic discussions in a group chat, evolved into more group chats, the building of another instagram, another FB group, another blog, and then most recently, a discord server. Talk about a whirlwind, but I guess I can add "kink witch" to the profile now.

While getting all these platforms off the ground, and breathing life into all the ideas I have, with the support of the friends and connections I have made here recently, I have taken on the project of becoming a (Witchy) Kink Educator, and building a safe space for learning. There are many beautiful aspects to kink, and while not everyone has spiritual overlaps the way I do, it can truly be a spiritual journey in itself - something I'd be honored to help guide others through.

So with that, I introduce another side of me: 

 

Water in Witchcraft

Through my spiritual journey, I've remained open-minded and accepting of a lot of things involved in spirituality. Some of the most difficult things for me to be accepting of, are those things that ask me to be accepting of myself as I am.

I have always thought of myself as having a stronger connection to the Earth element. Being out in nature has always given me clarity, grounding, and re-centered me. But over the past few years, I have had intense callings to water (some of which I have talked about here). These callings haven't always been in the form of dreams at night. Sometimes they're day dreams when I'm wide awake, or random flashes of visions. Sometimes it is just me standing in water, or near water. Sometimes instead of me, it's an unknown woman. On a few occasions, it has been me submerged in water; like what is depicted here. Water has been the common theme, and when I accepted Medusa and brought her into my pantheon, these water themed callings intensified and became much more frequent. It makes sense, given that she is associated with water. Now I find myself looking forward to planned trips to the beach (which isn't something I ever desire unless under very specific settings). Water seems to want a more active presence in my life.

The challenge for me, has been accepting that Earth and Water can both be my elements. That I can have a calling to both. Which all came to a big "aha" moment while leisurely reading Lore Olympus; a modernized telling of Persephone and Hades. It finally clicked; if Persephone could be both the goddess of the underworld and the goddess of spring - quite literally, life and death - then why couldn't I have connections with both Earth and Water? (By the way, if you haven't checked out Lore Olympus, I strongly urge you to do so, it's amazing.)

So with my newfound acceptance of Water, I started to pay attention to it more. I started letting it relax me; take my time in the shower instead of doing my thing and getting out. I got in a swimming pool without my witchlings begging me to do so. And then, ironically, I randomly came across a video on social media about different waters used in witchcraft. It sparked a desire to research further, and that's exactly what I did, logging my findings into my BOS. 

There are so many different uses and purposes for water, and more kinds of water than I think I ever paid attention to. I've decided I'd like to collect some of as many different kinds as I can, keeping them on hand to use whenever I may need.

Most people who practice the craft are very familiar with "full moon water." That's not a new concept. But there are also other types of moon water:

    

The two eclipse waters, it is important to note that they take on properties of two different kinds of waters, making them a bit stronger than either type by themselves. And yes, Solar Eclipse Water (if you were lucky enough to collect and set water out during that super awesome even in April, I envy you. I definitely did not remember to do so), means that there is also Sun Water. I remember listening to a podcast by Chaotic Witchy Mama, who said that when she collects moon water, she leaves it out in the sun to also utilize the sun's properties as well. That's something to think about and perhaps experiment with a bit. And yes, go check out her podcast on Spotify or Apple, she's got a lot of good tips and ideas for us witches with little ones, and for us in co-faith households.

Then there are waters from sources most people would think of when thinking of collecting water, like rain. One thing to consider though, is how rain water can have dual properties like eclipse water. Rain during a full moon would have the properties of rain water and full moon water. Rain during the sun would have the properties of both rain and sun. A few others to remember are Rainbow Water and Storm Water, because yes, you can have rain without a storm.

Other sources people tend to think of are large bodies of water; creeks/streams, rivers, waterfalls, lakes, swamps, and oceans. These all have their own properties as well. I suppose one could argue that you could collect these during a certain moon phase to give it dual properties of both types, but I couldn't find any information to support that concept. So take that as you will.

When it comes to Sea Water, the water is taken from out in the ocean, like you'd have to get out on a boat to collect it. Other types of waters from that area are Beach Water and Harbor Water.

And finally there are waters from sources most people don't (at least, I didn't) normally think of: Mountain Water, Fog Water, Dew Water, Well Water, Snow Water, and Cave Water. I'm sure some people think of these sources more than others; like if you live on a well, you're probably going to think of well water more than someone who's on city water. If you live up North, or it's during the winter season, you may think of snow more than when it's summer. And so on. 

I would like to add a disclaimer: please be aware of WHERE you're sourcing your water. A lake where many people have drowned may have negative properties that you may not be aware of. Please always remember to check your Wells for Samara, and please be respectful of areas that may have certain cultural practices that you should be mindful of (the Appalachian Mountains come to mind). And always be aware of your surroundings when collecting. You don't want bitten by a crocodile because you're trying to collect Swamp Water, nor do you want to slip to your death in underground caverns while trying to collect Cave Water. 

And as always, please be mindful of Mother Nature. Practice proper "leave no trace" practices. Don't desecrate our church with stupid decisions.

It’s Always Been The Bear

If you, as a woman, were dropped alone in the middle of the woods, 

which would you rather encounter: a man or a bear? 

I’m sure you’re familiar with this hypothetical question that has overtaken social media platforms these days. I’m sure you’re also aware that the men are butt-hurt over it, and showing us exactly why we - the women - always choose the bear.

Men really shouldn’t ask questions they don’t want the answer to. Especially when they can’t handle a truth that forces them to do some inner soul searching and shadow working. 

Stop asking me why women are choosing the bear. Start asking women why they’re NOT choosing the man. Start paying attention as to why men aren’t the safe spaces they like to think they are. 

The men will clap back with “well not all men…” to which I say, “you’re right, it’s not all men. But those men don’t feel the need to defend themselves with ‘not all men.’ Rather they understand when women talk about men as a whole, it doesn’t apply to them.” 

The men will clap back with “it happens to men too…” as a way to invalidate movements like #metoo and women’s suffering. I’ll tell you right now, all the men who have been victims too, would kick your teeth in for saying that. You don’t get to pit one victim against the other in a movement you have no voice in. Stop comparing trauma in attempts to silence. Stop trying to worm your way into spaces that don’t involve you, by riding on the backs and pains of your fellow brother. 

Men, if you were with us, you’d let us do the talking. Your job is to stand silently, listening, and ensuring I have the space to talk. If you’re with us, then why didn’t you lose your shit when Roe v Wade overturned? Where are you when it comes to demanding women’s right to proper healthcare, free period products, birth control, and an end to pink tax? If you’re with us, then why do we have to scream so loud?

The bear isn’t a new concept, guys. Women have been screaming from the rooftops about this for decades. Why did it take a hypothetical BEAR sized shot to your ego for you to pick up on the fact that something is very wrong?

There are around 750,000 black bears in North America, making them the most common bear in the region. Less than 12 non-fatal conflicts happen between humans and black bears each year. In over 200 years, there are less than 200 fatal human encounters with wild bears. 

There are nearly 600 million people in North America, with about 50% of them being assigned female at birth. In 2022, more than 400,000 women were raped or assaulted in the United States, which doesn’t even include unreported cases (about 75% of cases go unreported). 1 in every 6 women have been raped or sexually assaulted. In North America, that equates to 48 million women. It is estimated that 3 women are murdered by men per day. 

48 million American women have been screaming they’d prefer the bear, for years. You just don’t listen. 

Statistically, men aged 18-24 are more than 165 times more likely to kill someone than a wild black bear. Women don’t even need to be alone in the woods to be attacked by men. Men don’t need a reason for attacking women, many times they just do it because they can. 

The bear is predictable. They want to be left alone, so keep your distance. Most bears will avoid you if they know you’re coming, so make noise. Avoid bear areas; they like berry bushes and fresh water. According to the National Park Services, if you do encounter the bear, talk calmly and slowly wave your arms to help the bear recognize you’re human and not another bear. Note that a bear standing on its hind legs is being curious, not threatening. Stay calm and use a low voice. Screams and sudden movements will frighten it. Look big by moving to higher ground. Don’t run, climb trees, or drop things. Rather, move sideways, carry children, and leave the area calmly. In the rare event you are attacked, if it’s a brown bear you should play dead. If it’s a black bear, try to escape to a secure place (not a tree). 

The man isn’t predictable. Is the man in the woods hunting? What kind of prey? The apex predator for women is man. The man is also intelligent. One of our greatest differences from other animals is the evolution of our mind; it’s also our greatest weakness. The man knows how to manipulate. The man knows how to act friendly, then attack when you’re least expecting. The man will make you feel comfortable, safe, and satisfied. Then he’ll cut you in ways that aren’t all physical. The man is hard to read. A puffed chest could be an act of harmless attention seeking, or an act of anger. If you do encounter the man, talk calmly but firmly. Keep your hands and arms free of anything that could hinder your movement in the event of an attack. State your boundaries clearly and leave no room for misinterpretation.  Remember “no” is a complete sentence, you do not owe further explanation or communication. Do not react and show no emotion. Do not allow the man to make you feel guilty for putting your needs and safety first. Stand your ground firm with your head up. Make eye contact. In the likely event you are attacked, fight back. Go for weak spots like the groin, throat, and nose. Use those acrylic nails to gouge eyes. If you can, scream “fire” as loud as possible (not “rape” people don’t respond to “rape”). Don’t play dead; 92% of all reported necrophiliacs are male. 

No one will ask if we led the bear on. No one will ask us if what we were wearing provoked the bear. No one will randomly give me pointers on how to avoid bear attacks, or tell me I’m asking to be attacked by the bear. No one will accuse me of enjoying being attacked by a bear. No one looks into background to see how often I hang around bears. No one will tell me if I didn’t fight the bear, it isn’t really an attack. No one will tell me that my body will recognize it’s being attacked by a bear and shut down to decrease possible injury or lasting affects. I wouldn’t be accused of ruining the life of a young budding bear. And I wouldn’t have to see the bear at work, family gatherings, school, church, or other public settings. 

The reality is that this world is vastly anti-woman. From the work force, to healthcare, to assault, the consensus is an overwhelming bias against women. But there’s one facet where that isn’t necessarily true: Paganism and Spirituality. As a whole, pagans tend to be more accepting of LGBTQ+, polyamory, BDSM, expressions of gender and sexuality that are marginalized by mainstream society, and of women and feminine energy. In fact, many pagan paths give women a much more active role than they give to men. Because of its more woman-friendly atmosphere, it can be assumed that there are many more women practitioners than men. 

-+-+-

With this in mind, I ask, the safety of women aside, is there not also a spiritual calling to the bear? While choosing the bear is an extremely valid response when it comes to the safety and well-being of women, if we take away the instilled fear caused by the man, is there not still a call from the bear, on a spiritual level? That is for each woman to decide on their own spiritual path. 

I do wonder though….Artio, is that you? 

Celtic Goddess of Wildlife, Transformation, and Abundance, Artio’s name derives from the old Celtic word arth(e) which means “bear.” She is often times depicted as a bear, or shown with baskets of plenty and surrounded by animals. The Celtic tribe Helvetii worshipped her as the “she-bear.” Prior to the tribe though, the bear has been known as one of the oldest European deities, depicted in stone carvings, cave paintings, ancient texts, and ancient bear bones lovingly arranged in various caves throughout Europe. Even looking to the stars, to Ursa Major and Ursa Minor; the Great Bear and the Little Bear. The brightest star in Ursa Major is the star Arcturus, which is Greek for “bear watcher.” The bear is often associated with transformation and shape-shifting. Female bears conceive in the fall, then hibernate in the dark of winter, which can be seen a symbolism for rebirth, and returning with new wisdom and insight. Artio is also recognized as the Celtic sister to the Greek Goddess Artemis, who is also associated with bears. 

When Christianity took ahold of Europe, many pagan deities were adapted into Christian saints. Saint Ursula, whose name is Latinized from the Saxon word “Uriel” which means “she bear” is thought to be the Christian bastardized version of Artio, thus pulling her worshippers to Christianity. 

Mother bears are fierce protectors of their young. Artio protects the natural world and the wildlife within it. When we talk about the man vs the bear, yes we can talk about the concerns, pain and injustice of women who desperately need more protection from a society who oozes with a patriarchy so set on forever being anti-anything that isn’t the cisgendered white man, but we can also talk about the man vs Artio. 

Perhaps this is an opportunity for Artio to rear her massive head and demand her cubs - us women - be protected, demand transformation to our patriarchal society, by encouraging the abundance of female voices who are screaming “it’s always been the bear.”