In the last entry, I talked about my transition into a caregiver role for my elderly grandmother, who had been existing in the liminal “between worlds” state with her own veil thinning. She completed her journey after 91 days in our care. As my role of caregiver for my grandmother evolved into supportive caregiving for my mother, I found another new role that was interwoven in this process: an emotional anchor in death.
This is someone who provides a steady, safe, and grounding presence during times of loss, or transition toward death. Hospice care comes to mind most commonly, and we certainly had hospice helping provide care for my grandmother. But what I am talking about is being an emotional anchor for my other family members. Remaining calm and being a solid space where they could stabilize during this process, and validate their emotions and decisions.
It was natural for my search of solace also transitioned from the spiritual understanding of dementia, to the spiritual understanding of death. It was a natural next step in the cycle.
Death and Spirituality
In general, spirituality views death as a sacred transition or homecoming, and as a natural phase of the cosmic cycle. It is the shedding of a physical shell so that the soul can rest in the afterlife, and enter a new, higher vibrational rem of existence and prepare for the cycle of rebirth.
Perspectives Across Traditions
In many Eastern traditions, this is simply part of an ongoing cycle of life, death, and rebirth. Hinduism focuses on the soul’s evolution and eventual liberation. Buddhism emphasizes reaching Nirvana, or a state of ultimate peace where the cycle of suffering ends.
In many Northern traditions, this is the beginning of a new journey to a various layered afterlife where the soul may rest and prepare parts of itself for rebirth.
In many Indigenous traditions, the soul finds enjoyment with others in the Aurora Borealis, while remaining connected through with spirit world as well as the physical world through dreams and various ceremonies.
In most Abrahamic traditions, the transition of the soul to the afterlife involves resurrection of the soul, judgment, and eternity spent in the presence of the divine.
In modern spirituality, death is explored greatly through near death experience testimonies and mediumship. It is often described as waking up from the physical “illusion” and returning to a pure, loving, or omniscient source of energy – sometimes known as the “Summerland.”
The Summerland
This is one of the most widely recognized concept of the afterlife in contemporary Paganism and modern Wicca. It is understood to be a peaceful, beautiful resting place where souls go between incarnations to heal, reflect, and prepare for the next life.
- The Environment – filled with lush green fields, flowing rivers, ancient forests, and abundant wildlife, it is always warm and peaceful.
- The Atmosphere – a place of absolute unconditional love, comfort, and safety, without physical pain, illness, trauma, or emotional suffering.
- The Reunion – upon entering, the soul is joyfully reunited with deceased loved ones, ancestors, and beloved pets who have already died
During its stay, souls go through a process before incarnation into their next life. Firstly, souls who have experienced traumatic, painful, or exhausting physical lives are given time to recuperate, shed earthly sufferings, and restore spiritual energy. Then, assisted by deities or spirit guides, the soul reviews its most recent incarnation and examines the lessons learned, mistakes made, and spiritual progress that was achieved. This is done without fear of damnation or punishment; it is simply quiet reflection. Once fully rested and enlightened by their review the soul chooses when, where, and how it will be reborn into the physical world to continue its evolution.
“Hail the traveler.” – Wiccan Farewell
The origins of the Summerland date back to 19th century spiritualism. This imagery was used by mediums and mystics to describe the higher vibrational astral planes where spirits dwell. Later the concept was adopted by Theosophists to describe a specific division of the astral plane. In the mid 20th century, it was integrated into Gardnerian Wicca, which also drew up the Celtic mythology of Tir na nOg (the Land of Eternal Youth) as well as other spiritual philosophies.
In most Wiccan traditions, the Summerland is ruled by the Horned God – a ruler of the underworld, death, and resurrection. He is regarded as a gentle psychopomp who welcomes tired souls at the gates, embraces them, and then offers them rest under the watchful but loving eyes of the Triple Goddess. However, through various traditions, there are other psychopomp deities that are often associated with the Summerland and death:
- Hekate – the Greek goddess of crossroads, magic, and the night. She guides souls through the dark transitions of death with her twin torches.
- The Morrigan – the Celtic goddess of battle, fate, and death. She represents the fierce and transformative power of endings.
- Anubis – the Ancient Egyptian god with a jackal head. He weighs the heart of the deceased, and protects souls on their journey through the underworld.
- Hel – the Norse goddess who rules over Helheim, a quiet and cold resting place for those who did not die in battle.
**psychopomp: a spiritual entity that guides souls to the afterlife to assure they do not get lost.
Transitioning through the Veil
As we briefly discussed, the stage between life and death is known as veil. When a soul transitions to death, this is often referred to as “crossing the veil.” This transition is considered deeply sacred and an active process. It is the soul’s final ritual on earth, where the energetic body untethers itself from the physical self. As death becomes closer, this veil naturally thins to allow safe passage from one realm to the next. Within this thinning veil, a person may have visions of visits from deceased loved ones. They may dream of packing for a journey. Sometimes the person may have sensations of flight, floating, or drifting as the spirit begins to detach from the physical body first at the feet and then move upward through the chakras. These aren’t seen as hallucinations, but rather a way the soul is actively communicating with spirit guides who are waiting to escort them.
The Dying Process
The final stages of decline are often accompanied by shifts in consciousness. Ego and bodily attachments dissolve to allow the experience of profound inner peace, visions of deceased loved ones, and expanded boundary-less states of awareness.
Anam Cara
The Celtic translation for this is “soul friend” but they are often referred to as a Death Doula. This person’s role is to care for the dying and provide support; essentially an earthly psychopomp. They hold space for the person by creating a calm and fearless environment where the dying person is permitted to let go without feeling guilty for leaving the living behind. Often times, they will wash the physical body post-mortem, with water infused with rose (for love) or hyssop (for spiritual purification). This role also creates a humbling opportunity for transition rituals, like opening windows to allow an unhindered path for the soul to leave, lighting a passing candle to serve as an energetic beacon for the soul to move towards, anointing the physical body to protect, bless, and ease transition, and provide soft and soothing chanting or rhythmic drumming to match the slowing heartbeat and provide an acoustic bridge into the spirit realm.
The Ritual of Mourning
“What is remembered lives.” - Wiccan memorial saying
Memorial Altars
Creating a memorial or ancestral altar can be a quiet way to keep loved ones feeling close after death. Placing imagery of deceased loved ones on an altar allows for a visual reminder of memories together. Incorporating symbolic tools on the altar can help ease the pains of grief. A white candle on this altar will bring peace, a blue candle will promote emotional healing, and a black candle will help remove overwhelming sadness. Leaving an offering of your loved one’s earthly joys will help keep their spirit nourished and comforted when they visit.
Releasing Rituals
Cord cutting rituals are not just for broken relationships. If you are feeling trapped by the traumatic shock of how someone died, performing a cord cutting with gentle visualizations can help detach from the trauma, while keeping the love for the person intact.
There is something to writing. Writing a letter to your loved one, detailing everything you wish you could have said to them, or things you wish you could have done with them, will help release you from those weights. Burning your letter will allow the smoke to carry your message to the spirit realm for your loved one to receive.
A grief bath with Epsom salt, rosemary (for remembrance), and lavender (for peace), can help wash away heavy sorrows, releasing you from trapped emotional grief.
Connecting Across the Veil
Samhain is known for the natural thinning of the veil. Lean into this seasonal shift and host a Silent Supper (Dumb Supper), setting an extra place at the table for those who have passed before us.
Opening yourself up to visits from loved ones through dream work will allow for any last messages to be received. Placing mugwort or bay leaves under your pillow before sleeping will invite gentle and comforting visitations.
Divination is a common practice to connect through the veil. Using a pendulum or tarot cards after the initial shock has settled, allows you to ask your guides how best to support your loved one’s soul through transition, and provide guidance when navigating your grief.
Card 1 – the core wound; what is hurting right now.
Card 2 – what is falling away; what identity or routine is dying with this transition
Card 3 – the new birth; the inner strength or spiritual shift that is growing from this transition
Card 4 – the anchor; who or what can you lean on for support
The Weaver’s Loom
Card 1 – the soul’s transition; where is your loved one’s spirit focusing its attention on right now
Card 2 – the earthly echo; how is their physical absence changing your spiritual path here on earth
Card 3 – the unspoken lesson; what did their life and death come to teach your soul
Card 4 – the ancestral gift; what strength, talent, or blessing are they passing down to you for you to carry forward
Card 5 – the message from the veil; what does their spirit or higher self want you to know right now
Card 6 – the path of healing; what is your next proactive, practical step towards emotional and spiritual peace
Community + Grounding
Regular grounding rituals will help you find stability in a sea of overwhelming grief emotions. Make time to be outside, walk barefoot on the earth, hug a tree, touch grass.
There are some community resources available as well. The Grief Share Network is packed with resources, and the Covenant of the Goddess can connect you with pagan-friendly clergy to help you navigate grief. The book “The Pagan Book of Living and Dying” is also worth the read.
“Sorrow cannot be cured but felt. Not to bypass the pain or ignore it. But as a way to hold it – to say: yes you’re allowed to feel this deeply, and there is power in honoring that.”
- Mystic Sisters Coven
Death Tools
- Crystals
- Obsidian + Jet: absorb heavy grief and trauma
- Smoky Quartz: grounding
- Rose Quartz: self-compassion and deep heart healing
- Selenite: clearing energy from a room, and connect to higher realms
- Herbs
- Rosemary: remembrance and memory
- Lavender: to bring peace to the grieving
- Yew + Cypress: associated with mourning and graveyards
- Rose: for gentle emotional release
- Chamomile: for releasing physical tension and anger
- Candles
- Black: for absorbing heavy energy and grief
- White: for peace and remembrance
- Blue: for emotional healing
- Oils
- Myrrh: for calm, and healing feelings of loneliness and isolation
- Frankincense: clears heavy air and calms racing thoughts
- Cedarwood: for protection and a sense of security
- Sandalwood: for serenity
- Bergamot: for grounding
- Moon
- Waning Moon: for banishing pain, releasing suffering, and symbolizes the natural decline before rebirth
“Grief is the proof of love, the price we pay for deep connection. […] Own your grief. Hold space for it. Breathe with it. Allow the new shape of what you are becoming.”
- Glasse Witch Cottage
**In loving memory of MAS – for a relationship that blossomed so close to the end, the loss of you has taught me more than anything else.
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