In March life threw a curve ball, and in an emergency situation, I found myself in the role of caregiver for my 85 year old grandmother. While she wasn’t living with me, she was living with my parents – who happen to live across the street. My grandmother was wheelchair bound and diagnosed with late-stage dementia. Because of the dementia, my grandmother hasn’t recognized me in many years, which has initiated the grieving process pretty early.
In the process of navigating dementia, I was faced with uncomfortable decisions, like if I should be around at all. I didn’t want to add to my grandmother’s stress that some stranger was in her house, sitting on her couch. But weighing that question with the reality that she may not even be able to see me at all with how bad her cataracts were, often left me in a “six in one, half a dozen in the other” mentality.
However, with her suddenly moving across the street, I was able to see her more, and while she never recognized me as her granddaughter, she did come to recognize me as one of the people who cared for her. In April, a stroke worsened the dementia. Not only were there now more physical complications in terms of what she could manage to do, but the dementia worsened to the extent of her not knowing when she was born, or even her own name at times. With the addition of a permanent feeding tube, her care demands quickly became too much for our family to manage on our own, and she was sent to a rehab facility for specialized care.
My role as caregiver to her drastically reduced, however it transferred into providing supportive care to my mother, who chose to be with my grandmother up to 20 hours a day at the rehab facility. My grandmother received top of the line care – its what she deserved and we were blessed to be able to make sure she got it. But my mother wanted to make sure the emotional care was just as top of the line, so she stayed at my grandmother’s side as much as she could, and relied heavily on my father and I to manage the rest of life’s happenings, and bring her food to ensure she still had energy to keep going.
As things progressed and my grandmother entered the transitional stage between life and death, I turned to something I knew would provide me some comfort. I turned to my craft. It allowed me a sense of stability in a situation what was anything but. And once I managed to regulate my own self, I started to look for a bit more understanding in what was happening.
Which has led me to this bit of research and understanding that I now share with you.
Dementia and Spirituality
Within most spiritual spaces, dementia is regarded as a profound early thinning of the veil between the physical realm and the spirit realm. We see this veil generally thin around the “witch’s new year” of Samhain, and then personally thin in times of death. However, with dementia, this veil naturally thins and allows the person to transition into a liminal “between worlds” state where their soul is already beginning to untether from the physical body and explore the astral plane.
The Spiritual Anatomy
The Wandering Mind – when a person with dementia speaks to people who aren’t there, or relives memories from decades ago, it is believed that their consciousness is actively walking the astral realms and visiting ancestors.
The Fragmented Ego – as the physical brain declines the earthly ego dissolves and the person may then alternate between their deepest soul-self (which remains intact and eternal), and their confused physical body.
Time Dissolution – because the spirit realm is non-linear, a person with dementia may experience the past, present, and future all at once. They exist in Kairos time (sacred unmeasured time), rather than Chronos time (earthly clock time).
Support + Cleansing
A person with dementia can be highly sensitive to unseen energies. Their mental shields are down, so they easily absorb things like stress, fear, and grief. There are a few things that can be done to help:
Energetic Shielding – visualize a sphere of soft blue and gold light around their resting place, to protect them from chaotic astral noise.
Aroma Cleansing – avoid heavy smoke cleanses, and instead use a spray bottle with water, lavender, sweet orange, and a pinch of salt. Misting the room will help keep the energy bright and calm.
Grounding Objects – use smooth smoky quartz, or petrified wood to carry an earthly energy. This will help temporarily tether their awareness and smooth any agitation.
Comfort + Connection
Adapting practices to be simple, tactile, and sensory based will be less confusing or frightening for someone with dementia.
Sensory Magic – playing soft rhythmic drumming or nature sounds, using familiar comforting scents like rosemary (for memory) or vanilla (for safety).
Mirroring Ritual – if the person no longer recognizes you, do not force an earthly identity. Instead, speak to their deeper soul-self that is still intact and eternal. Look into their eyes and address their soul with “I see you, eternal spirit, and I honor your journey.”
Hand Washing Ritual – gently wash their hands with warm water infused with rose and chamomile. As you dry them, whisper blessings of comfort to the physical body, for all the work it has done in this lifetime.
The Caregiver’s Health 
Caregiving is an intense form of shadow work, and requires extreme self-preservation. It is one of the hardest roles I have had to navigate and be witness to. It is often a thankless role, but one of the most honorable roles I believe a person can hold – especially in the ending stages of life. What is widely unrecognized is what a toll this role can take on a person, and how drained it can leave one feeling both physically and mentally.
The Cauldron of Release – at the end of the day, burn a black candle and write out your frustrations before safely burning them to release them and prevent burn out.
Pre-Mourning – recognize that grieving happens in stages, as part of the person leaves before the body does, and allow yourself to mourn the micro-endings without guilt.
Energy Reset Ritual
Wash your hands under cool running water and sprinkle a small handful of salt into your palms.
Rub your hands together while visualizing the salt scrubbing away all the emotional weight, anger, and sadness that has been absorbed.
Rinse your hands thoroughly and say “I return what is not mine to carry. I wash away the exhaustion of this day. My energy is my own.”
Dry your hands and sit for some time with smoky quarts or black tourmaline to ground awareness back into your own physical body.
Caregiver Tools
Black Tourmaline (the shield) – caregivers often absorb the agitation and fear of the person they are caring for. This stone acts as an energetic sponge and absorbs and neutralizes chaotic or heavy emotional currents before they reach the aura.
Lepidolite (the anxiety balm) – this stone naturally contains high amounts of lithium, and brings a gentle soothing energy that can help quiet anxiety, panic, hyper-vigilance, and an overactive mind.
Carnelian (the vitality battery) – this stone stimulates the sacral and root chakras, helping stoke the inner fire, boost physical stamina, and combat the deep, heavy lethargy of chronic burn out.
Rose Quartz (the compassion anchor) – this stone softens the inner critic and feelings of guilt and resentment, while offering a vibration of self-compassion, patience, and emotional gentleness to the self instead.
Holy Basil/Tulsi (the spirit restorer) – known as “liquid yoga” this herb is an adaptogen that helps the body adapt to chronic stress, lifts heavy spirits, and clears stagnant energy out of the aura, while also protecting personal space.
Rosemary (the memory protector) – this herb helps stimulate physical memory and protects the mind. It is used to help “cut away” mental confusion and distress after difficult caregiving shifts.
Hawthorn Berry (the resilient heart) – for the broken or exhausted heart, this herb offers a protective energy barrier that allows a person to remain open and loving without absorbing the pain of others.
Oatstraw/Milky Oats (the nervous system blanket) – this is a deeply nourishing herb that feeds an exhausted nervous system and promotes feelings of safety by fighting off feelings of being “fried,” jittery, or emotional fragility.
Caregiving Ethics
While the general ethics of witchcraft are subjective to the individual and their practice, navigating ethics as a caregiver can be extremely challenging. Handling the spiritual ethics of performing magic for someone who cannot consent requires a shift from manifesting specific outcomes, to offering energetic support. Since you cannot ask permission from the earthly mind of a person with dementia, your magic should respect the soul’s sovereignty. Focus on comfort and alignment with the person’s Higher Self and ethical guardrails, to navigate these challenges.
Commanding ---> Offering
When consent is impossible, like with dementia, change the structure of your spell work from an active command to an open offering. Instead of manipulating behavior for your convenience with “make them calm and stop from wandering,” provide an open offering of assistance with “I offer peace, cooling energy, and comfort to them. If their soul wishes to receive it, let it be so.” Think of this as setting a glass of water on the table; you’re not forcing them to drink, you’re simply making the resource available if the spirit needs it.
Petitioning the Higher Self
The Higher Self is the eternal divine part of the soul. It remains intact and aware even when the earthly ego is not. Before spell work, meditate and prepare to speak directly to the person’s Higher Self. State intentions clearly; “I wish to ease the physical agitation this person is experiencing, and I ask permission from their Higher Self to anchor this peace.” Then pay close attention to any immediate internal response. A sudden wave of resistance, anxiety, or a definitive “heavy” feeling means stop. Warmth, expansion, or a sense of relief means you have spiritual clearance to proceed.
Environmental not Personal
Treat the room, not the individual. You have full sovereignty over the physical environment you are managing. Instead of spell work to change a person’s brain or energy field, cast a circle of protection around the room itself, or enchant the physical space to banish chaotic astral noise, lower spiritual tension, and invite in spirits of comfort. By altering the atmospheric frequency of the room, you will naturally sooth the person within it, without ever imposing magic directly onto the person.
Sovereign Intentions
Certain baseline energetic states won’t violate a person's free will because they support basic soul sovereignty. Keep intentions to basic limited categories:
Protection – shielding from negative or frightening external entities/energies
Pain Relief/Comfort – cooling the fiery, frantic energy of panic or physical distress
Safe Passage – asking a trusted psychopomp to stand watch and ensure the person’s eventual transition across the veil is smooth and unhindered.
The Golden Rule
When in doubt, you can always redirect spell work onto yourself. Instead of spells for a person to be less agitated, try spells for you to have extreme patience, a deeply grounded presence, and a fiercely compassionate heart. Your own internal shift into an absolute calm will naturally mirror back to others who have a thinning veil, and help heal the situation completely ethically.
----------
As dementia is a common side effect of the transition into cronehood, I seek solace from a wise crone herself:
“The aging mind is not a broken machine. It is an unwieldy package of exhilaration, rapaciousness, mischief, and wit. The crone relies on wit to navigate the forest, creating one’s own logic and boundaries in a parallel world. We return to the womb state, transitioning into a fierce, child-like, and wild state of mind.”
- Baba Yaga
-- In dedication to HBA - you have been heavy on my mind as I leave this stage just as you are entering into it. I hope this helps you in all the ways I know it would have helped me.
