Death + Spirituality

In the last entry, I talked about my transition into a caregiver role for my elderly grandmother, who had been existing in the liminal “between worlds” state with her own veil thinning. She completed her journey after 91 days in our care. As my role of caregiver for my grandmother evolved into supportive caregiving for my mother, I found another new role that was interwoven in this process: an emotional anchor in death. 

This is someone who provides a steady, safe, and grounding presence during times of loss, or transition toward death. Hospice care comes to mind most commonly, and we certainly had hospice helping provide care for my grandmother. But what I am talking about is being an emotional anchor for my other family members. Remaining calm and being a solid space where they could stabilize during this process, and validate their emotions and decisions. 

It was natural for my search of solace also transitioned from the spiritual understanding of dementia, to the spiritual understanding of death. It was a natural next step in the cycle. 

Dementia + Spirituality

In March life threw a curve ball, and in an emergency situation, I found myself in the role of caregiver for my 85 year old grandmother. While she wasn’t living with me, she was living with my parents – who happen to live across the street. My grandmother was wheelchair bound and diagnosed with late-stage dementia. Because of the dementia, my grandmother hasn’t recognized me in many years, which has initiated the grieving process pretty early. 

In the process of navigating dementia, I was faced with uncomfortable decisions, like if I should be around at all. I didn’t want to add to my grandmother’s stress that some stranger was in her house, sitting on her couch. But weighing that question with the reality that she may not even be able to see me at all with how bad her cataracts were, often left me in a “six in one, half a dozen in the other” mentality. 

However, with her suddenly moving across the street, I was able to see her more, and while she never recognized me as her granddaughter, she did come to recognize me as one of the people who cared for her. In April, a stroke worsened the dementia. Not only were there now more physical complications in terms of what she could manage to do, but the dementia worsened to the extent of her not knowing when she was born, or even her own name at times. With the addition of a permanent feeding tube, her care demands quickly became too much for our family to manage on our own, and she was sent to a rehab facility for specialized care. 

My role as caregiver to her drastically reduced, however it transferred into providing supportive care to my mother, who chose to be with my grandmother up to 20 hours a day at the rehab facility. My grandmother received top of the line care – its what she deserved and we were blessed to be able to make sure she got it. But my mother wanted to make sure the emotional care was just as top of the line, so she stayed at my grandmother’s side as much as she could, and relied heavily on my father and I to manage the rest of life’s happenings, and bring her food to ensure she still had energy to keep going. 

As things progressed and my grandmother entered the transitional stage between life and death, I turned to something I knew would provide me some comfort. I turned to my craft. It allowed me a sense of stability in a situation what was anything but. And once I managed to regulate my own self, I started to look for a bit more understanding in what was happening. 

Which has led me to this bit of research and understanding that I now share with you.

Dementia and Spirituality

Within most spiritual spaces, dementia is regarded as a profound early thinning of the veil between the physical realm and the spirit realm. We see this veil generally thin around the “witch’s new year” of Samhain, and then personally thin in times of death. However, with dementia, this veil naturally thins and allows the person to transition into a liminal “between worlds” state where their soul is already beginning to untether from the physical body and explore the astral plane. 

The Spiritual Anatomy

• The Wandering Mind – when a person with dementia speaks to people who aren’t there, or relives memories from decades ago, it is believed that their consciousness is actively walking the astral realms and visiting ancestors. 

• The Fragmented Ego – as the physical brain declines the earthly ego dissolves and the person may then alternate between their deepest soul-self (which remains intact and eternal), and their confused physical body.

• Time Dissolution – because the spirit realm is non-linear, a person with dementia may experience the past, present, and future all at once. They exist in Kairos time (sacred unmeasured time), rather than Chronos time (earthly clock time).

Support + Cleansing

A person with dementia can be highly sensitive to unseen energies. Their mental shields are down, so they easily absorb things like stress, fear, and grief. There are a few things that can be done to help:

• Energetic Shielding – visualize a sphere of soft blue and gold light around their resting place, to protect them from chaotic astral noise.

• Aroma Cleansing – avoid heavy smoke cleanses, and instead use a spray bottle with water, lavender, sweet orange, and a pinch of salt. Misting the room will help keep the energy bright and calm.

• Grounding Objects – use smooth smoky quartz, or petrified wood to carry an earthly energy. This will help temporarily tether their awareness and smooth any agitation.

Comfort + Connection

Adapting practices to be simple, tactile, and sensory based will be less confusing or frightening for someone with dementia.

• Sensory Magic – playing soft rhythmic drumming or nature sounds, using familiar comforting scents like rosemary (for memory) or vanilla (for safety).

• Mirroring Ritual – if the person no longer recognizes you, do not force an earthly identity. Instead, speak to their deeper soul-self that is still intact and eternal. Look into their eyes and address their soul with “I see you, eternal spirit, and I honor your journey.” 

• Hand Washing Ritual – gently wash their hands with warm water infused with rose and chamomile. As you dry them, whisper blessings of comfort to the physical body, for all the work it has done in this lifetime. 

The Caregiver’s Health 

Caregiving is an intense form of shadow work, and requires extreme self-preservation. It is one of the hardest roles I have had to navigate and be witness to. It is often a thankless role, but one of the most honorable roles I believe a person can hold – especially in the ending stages of life. What is widely unrecognized is what a toll this role can take on a person, and how drained it can leave one feeling both physically and mentally. 

• The Cauldron of Release – at the end of the day, burn a black candle and write out your frustrations before safely burning them to release them and prevent burn out.

• Pre-Mourning – recognize that grieving happens in stages, as part of the person leaves before the body does, and allow yourself to mourn the micro-endings without guilt.

• Energy Reset Ritual

• Wash your hands under cool running water and sprinkle a small handful of salt into your palms.

• Rub your hands together while visualizing the salt scrubbing away all the emotional weight, anger, and sadness that has been absorbed.

• Rinse your hands thoroughly and say “I return what is not mine to carry. I wash away the exhaustion of this day. My energy is my own.”

• Dry your hands and sit for some time with smoky quarts or black tourmaline to ground awareness back into your own physical body.

Caregiver Tools 

• Black Tourmaline (the shield) – caregivers often absorb the agitation and fear of the person they are caring for. This stone acts as an energetic sponge and absorbs and neutralizes chaotic or heavy emotional currents before they reach the aura.

• Lepidolite (the anxiety balm) – this stone naturally contains high amounts of lithium, and brings a gentle soothing energy that can help quiet anxiety, panic, hyper-vigilance, and an overactive mind.

• Carnelian (the vitality battery) – this stone stimulates the sacral and root chakras, helping stoke the inner fire, boost physical stamina, and combat the deep, heavy lethargy of chronic burn out.

• Rose Quartz (the compassion anchor) – this stone softens the inner critic and feelings of guilt and resentment, while offering a vibration of self-compassion, patience, and emotional gentleness to the self instead.

• Holy Basil/Tulsi (the spirit restorer) – known as “liquid yoga” this herb is an adaptogen that helps the body adapt to chronic stress, lifts heavy spirits, and clears stagnant energy out of the aura, while also protecting personal space. 

• Rosemary (the memory protector) – this herb helps stimulate physical memory and protects the mind. It is used to help “cut away” mental confusion and distress after difficult caregiving shifts.

• Hawthorn Berry (the resilient heart) – for the broken or exhausted heart, this herb offers a protective energy barrier that allows a person to remain open and loving without absorbing the pain of others.

• Oatstraw/Milky Oats (the nervous system blanket) – this is a deeply nourishing herb that feeds an exhausted nervous system and promotes feelings of safety by fighting off feelings of being “fried,” jittery, or emotional fragility.

Caregiving Ethics

While the general ethics of witchcraft are subjective to the individual and their practice, navigating ethics as a caregiver can be extremely challenging. Handling the spiritual ethics of performing magic for someone who cannot consent requires a shift from manifesting specific outcomes, to offering energetic support. Since you cannot ask permission from the earthly mind of a person with dementia, your magic should respect the soul’s sovereignty. Focus on comfort and alignment with the person’s Higher Self and ethical guardrails, to navigate these challenges.

Commanding ---> Offering

When consent is impossible, like with dementia, change the structure of your spell work from an active command to an open offering. Instead of manipulating behavior for your convenience with “make them calm and stop from wandering,” provide an open offering of assistance with “I offer peace, cooling energy, and comfort to them. If their soul wishes to receive it, let it be so.” Think of this as setting a glass of water on the table; you’re not forcing them to drink, you’re simply making the resource available if the spirit needs it.

Petitioning the Higher Self

The Higher Self is the eternal divine part of the soul. It remains intact and aware even when the earthly ego is not. Before spell work, meditate and prepare to speak directly to the person’s Higher Self. State intentions clearly; “I wish to ease the physical agitation this person is experiencing, and I ask permission from their Higher Self to anchor this peace.” Then pay close attention to any immediate internal response. A sudden wave of resistance, anxiety, or a definitive “heavy” feeling means stop. Warmth, expansion, or a sense of relief means you have spiritual clearance to proceed. 

Environmental not Personal

Treat the room, not the individual. You have full sovereignty over the physical environment you are managing. Instead of spell work to change a person’s brain or energy field, cast a circle of protection around the room itself, or enchant the physical space to banish chaotic astral noise, lower spiritual tension, and invite in spirits of comfort. By altering the atmospheric frequency of the room, you will naturally sooth the person within it, without ever imposing magic directly onto the person. 

Sovereign Intentions

Certain baseline energetic states won’t violate a person's free will because they support basic soul sovereignty. Keep intentions to basic limited categories:

• Protection – shielding from negative or frightening external entities/energies

• Pain Relief/Comfort – cooling the fiery, frantic energy of panic or physical distress

• Safe Passage – asking a trusted psychopomp to stand watch and ensure the person’s eventual transition across the veil is smooth and unhindered. 

The Golden Rule

When in doubt, you can always redirect spell work onto yourself. Instead of spells for a person to be less agitated, try spells for you to have extreme patience, a deeply grounded presence, and a fiercely compassionate heart. Your own internal shift into an absolute calm will naturally mirror back to others who have a thinning veil, and help heal the situation completely ethically.

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As dementia is a common side effect of the transition into cronehood, I seek solace from a wise crone herself:

“The aging mind is not a broken machine. It is an unwieldy package of exhilaration, rapaciousness, mischief, and wit. The crone relies on wit to navigate the forest, creating one’s own logic and boundaries in a parallel world. We return to the womb state, transitioning into a fierce, child-like, and wild state of mind.”

- Baba Yaga

-- In dedication to HBA - you have been heavy on my mind as I leave this stage just as you are entering into it. I hope this helps you in all the ways I know it would have helped me.

Divine Energies + Gender Identities

In each of the Divine Energies lessons, we discussed how they connect with transgender identity. Honestly this was done out the need to address a specific individual, and while what I stated is valid, it left out many other gender identities...including my own. I understand the difficulties of seeing past a binary label when discussing something that uses binary language. While my own ability to push through that is natural for me, it isn't necessarily natural, easy, or even capable for others. 

So I want to dive deeper into the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine, but with a very specific and inclusive intention. 

Look, I'm not going to be able to break these frameworks down for every single gender identity, but I want to really look at three specific ones: 

• Gender Nonconforming - gender identity that differs from traditional societal expectations associated with their assigned gender at birth
• Non-Binary - gender identity that does not fit into the traditional binary genders of male and female
• Genderfluid - gender identity that is not fixed, or shifts over time

Divine Energies + Gender Nonconforming Identities

Working with the divine energies can be an act of liberation. Many gender nonconforming individuals view the energy archetypes as internal toolkits that can be mixed and matched, and expressed completely outside of traditional gender expectations. These are not societal blueprints for how to appear, act, or identify. 

• Decoupling Energy + Expression - there is a core shift in untangling energy from presentation, and allows for the ability to deeply channel one energy while appearing or having an identity that aligns with the other. Expression acts as a bridge, displaying how the divine energies interact inside the individual - like pairing soft flowing fabrics with rigid structured combat boots.

Feminine =/= Womanhood

Masculine =/= Manhood

• Power of "And" - some gender nonconforming individuals prefer an intentional juxtaposition and view themselves as a mosaic of distinct parts rather than a diluted middle ground. This view allows for a radical "wholeness" by understanding that the divine energies do not need to be toned down to make room for each other. A person can bee 100% masculine and 100% feminine at the same time. Physically, this can look like subverting the archetypes; taking parts of them that society says doesn't belong together, and proudly displaying them at once. 
• Exploring the Framework - gender nonconforming individuals explore the framework of the divine energies by approaching the archetypes like a closet, choosing which traits to wear and combine together. They affirm what resonates with them, regardless of how society labels these traits, and they redefine the vocabulary around these energies, moving away from the binary masculine/feminine and instead defining these energies based on their actions. 

The Root ----> grounding, boundaries, structure

The River ----> flow, intuition, creation

Divine Energies + Non-Binary Identities

Remembering that the divine energies are archetypal and not biological traits, non-binary individuals use this concept to reframe these energies to represent internal balance. Strength and softness, action with intuition. Without relying on strict traditional binaries, they adapt the framework of these divine energies to fit an expansive view of the self. 

• Reframing Language - non-binary individuals recognize that societal expectation of binary
  
  
  gender roles equates masculinity to manhood and femininity to womanhood, whereas in reality that association doesn't actually exist. To combat this, the language of these energies is often changed, using descriptors such as solar + lunar, or Yin + Yang.

Solar ----> action, outward focus, logical problem-solving

Lunar ----> intuition, reflection, inward growth

Yin ----> shadow, stillness, receiving

Yang ----> light, motion, giving

• Non-Binary "Wholeness" - instead of seeing these energies as two halves of a whole, non-binary individuals embrace the idea of containing elements of both energies simultaneously, while strictly remaining neither. They can lean into different archetypes when needed, and fluidly move from one to another. Some non-binary individuals reject the binary framework all together, and instead explore a concept of a single unified and expansive life force that exists outside of gendered categories. 
• Embodying Archetypes - non-binary individuals connect with the divine energies in their own completely personalized and gender-expansive way by recognizing both the power to manifest and care for the fragile parts of the self and community, and also the power to stand one's ground and provide structure and leadership. 

Divine Energies + Genderfluid Identities

Seeing the divine energies not as static polarities, but as shifting waves that mirror a changing internal experience, allows genderfluid individuals to view the archetypes as dynamic states of being that can flow, merge, or take the spotlight at different times. 

• The Wave Concept - embracing shifting tides where different energies dominate based on the day, environment, or emotional need, allows genderfluid individuals to lean into different archetypal traits and fluidly move across them. The transitional space in shifting between the divine energies is recognized as a sacred and powerful state of being in itself, and often associated with transformation and adaptability. 
• Honoring the Flow - checking in with oneself and identifying which energy feels closest to the surface, allows genderfluid individuals to shape their appearances and daily tasks to match the
  
  
  frequency. Allowing for ritual flexibility and spiritual practices to change, honors the flow and transitional space between the divine energies. Some genderfluid individuals prefer to keep physical representations of both divine energies in their space as polarity anchors, allowing them to focus on whichever one aligns with their current state, at any given time.
• Historical + Mythological Mirrors - for many genderfluid individuals (or any of these three identities), it can be helpful to look to ancient pantheons for deities that embody shifting, dual, or fluid archetypes. 
• Loki (Norse) - a shapeshifter who changes gender, embodying chaos, change, and breaking of rigid structure.
• Ardhanarishvara (Hinduism) - a composite form of Shiva and Parvati, representing literal and inseparable fusion of masculine and feminine energies into one fluid deity.
• Inanna / Ishtar (Mesopotamian) - a deity of war and love, often served by priests who subverted traditional gender roles, bridging the bap between archetypal domains.
• Dionysus (Greek) - a deity of wine, ritual gender nonconformity, and transformation, and was often described as androgynous and bridging the gap between societal expectations of masculinity and femininity.
• Guanyin / Avalokitesvara (Buddhism) - the Bodhisattva of Compassion transcends human concepts of gender, being depicted first as male then shifts to female to reflect universal maternal care.
• Lan Caihe (Daoist) - one of the Eight Immortals and archetype of ambiguity, depicted sometimes as a young man, or old woman, or sometimes as a gender nonconforming street performer wearing mismatched shoes and sexually ambiguous clothing.
• Ometeol (Aztec) - known as the "Two-God" or deity of duality, its a self-created primordial entity, encompassing both male and female aspects and representing life/death, light/dark, and active/passive forces.
• Mawu-Lisa (Dahomean / West African) - a celetial creator deity formed by merging the twin spirits Mawe (female moon goddess of night and creativity) and Lisa (male sun god of day and strength), and is honored as a single entity with shifting intersexed characteristics.
• Hermaphroditus (Greek) - a deity who's body was physically merged with that of a nympth, creating a permanent single divine being, possessing both male and female traits.
• Persephone (Greek) - a dual deity who holds two vastly different titles: Goddess of spring and Maidenhood, as well as Queen of the Underworld.

The Integrated vs The Divine Hermaphrodite

Both of these frameworks deal with the unification of dual energies, however they represent fundamentally different spiritual concepts.

INTEGRATED ---> a process of inner balance between the divine energies

DIVINE HERMAPHRODITE ---> a singular, distinct archetypal state

The Balanced Process

The Integrated state refers to a person, regardless of gender, actively balancing, harmonizing, and

utilizing both energies within themselves.

• Core Concept - a dynamic partnership, treating the energies as distinct inner voices that work in tandem.
• The Energy - active and functional; without erasing each other the energies collaborate
• The Spiritual Goal - wholeness through self-actualization, the internal marriage of energies, where you stop rejecting parts of yourself and allow both energies to thrive.

The Singular Archetype

The Divine Hermaphrodite is not just a balance of two energies, but the creation of a completely new, third energy that transcends the binary entirely.

• Core Concept - represents the ultimate, primordial unity; is the state of being where the two energies dissolve so completely into each other that the boundary between them no longer exists.
• The Energy - static, absolute, and cosmic; acts as the singular source from which both energies originally fractured, and represents the universe before it split into light/dark, male/female. and active/passive.
• The Spiritual Goal - transcendence of duality, the ultimate realization of spirit and matter, fused into a perfect and unshakeable whole.